Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Shocked


Emilyandbaby

Recommended Posts

  • Members
Emilyandbaby

My husband just committed suicide this evening.  We have a beautiful baby girl. We had plans to take a summer road trip, go out to eat this weekend - what happened?  I'm so numb right now.  I feel like if I had just said or done something differently he would be sleeping beside me now.  What do we do next?  I'm so lost without my best friend 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear Emily,

Words are so inadequate during such a difficult time. Please know you are not alone.  We are all here for you. Thinking of you. Sending you all my love and hugs.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear Emily, I lost my wife to postpartum depression 5 months ago.  Our son was 2 months old. 
You need to focus on keeping yourself safe.
Just breathe.
Take slow breaths.  When you're anxious, breathe in for 3 seconds, hold it for 2 seconds, breathe out for 3 seconds, hold it for 2 seconds, then repeat.
You can do the breathing exercise at your own pace.

Reach out to your support network.  Get the help you need to help you take care of yourself and your baby girl.

We're always here for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

You poor thing. My heart goes out to you. You will not ever no the why's to any of your thoughts, questions. You will feel totally Numb and Abandoned. Your little one will keep you busy and every reason to carry on each day. My hubby passed away 7th Jan day before 41st birthday. To me feels like only yesterday. I'm just accept that hes gone. Not easy. We have 2children.23&10.I bear the brunt of kids moods and emotions. I've found just coming on here and sharing my feelings helps a little because we are all suffering loss. I don't have any family support & his family just cut me off after 23years.Some days I want to talk about him but I carnt. Nobody there. You will be Numb for a while. Thinking of you. People on here are great listeners give some great comforting advice. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
7 hours ago, Emilyandbaby said:

My husband just committed suicide this evening.  We have a beautiful baby girl. We had plans to take a summer road trip, go out to eat this weekend - what happened?  I'm so numb right now.  I feel like if I had just said or done something differently he would be sleeping beside me now.  What do we do next?  I'm so lost without my best friend 

I am so sorry for your loss and how devastated you must be feeling.   Pain mixed with guilt, anger, and regret makes for a bitter drink, the taste of which might take many months or even years to wash out of your mouth.  The one question that is asked without exception, that people ache to have answered more than any other, is simply, why?   His suffering must have been unimaginable.  I think people who commit suicide don't necessarily want to end their life; they want to end their suffering; it takes those left behind by surprise for failing to see it coming.  One thing for sure, you must not blame yourself.  I know you miss him; after all, he was your husband, your best friend, your world; it's only natural.  He is a part of you and you will always carry him within your heart wherever you go.  What we have once loved we can never lose; all that we love deeply becomes a part of us. 

What do you do next?  You live for yourself and that beautiful baby girl.  I'm not gonna 'sugar coat' it - It's gonna be hard, and there will be times you may think you are not strong enough to make it.  Well, guess what? You are stronger than you realize; you are a diamond - you can't break.  If you don't already know that, you're in for a rude awakening and might just surprise yourself.   You will survive and find purpose not only for yourself, but for that beautiful baby girl; and you will raise her up to be a strong women. 

I know you're confuse, but forgive your husband, not because you accept his behavior or what he did, forgive him for you, so that you can have peace of mind and peace for your soul.  If you don't, you will be the one who suffers.

Know that you can come to this forum whenever you feel the need to talk; there are some wonderful people on here who'll share their stories, their support and comfort.  We're all on this horrific journey and somehow, someway, God will bring us through.   Stay Strong and God Bless.

 
 
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Emilyandbaby, I am so sorry for your tragic loss. You are already showing courage by finding this forum right away. Only those who have lost a spouse know exactly how you feel. I hope you have support of family and friends. Maybe someone can stay with you and your baby girl for awhile? You are going to need help with arrangements, finances, legalities. The first month can be quite chaotic and overwhelming, emotional. You will need all the support you can get. Please keep posting when you need to. We are here for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Emily,

I am so sorry!  I hope you come back here and post.  Right now you're undoubtedly in the shock of finding out and the shock will remain for quite some while.  Know this is not your fault and had nothing to do with you.  There are others here who have also survived their partner's suicide, you are not alone in what you are going through.  It will be important to have family & friends with you and if anyone offers help, don't be afraid to accept it, you will need support.

We will be here for you if you let us.

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/11/surviving-spouses-suicide.html

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Emily,

I'm so sorry for your loss. My wife committed suicide last september. Unlike you I knew she was going to do it, we talked about it often since she was seriously ill. Still, finding the one you love dead one day is such a horrible thing, you won't know what to think or do for a long time. You have a baby to take care of. Hold on to that thought for the moment. If it weren't for my stepdaughter I might have followed my wife straight away. But having someone you're responsible for might help you through the first days and weeks. It doesn't take away the pain but it hopefully prevents you from doing anything stupid.
You can't bring him back and you have to find a way to continue living. It's the hardest thing you ever have to do but a lot of people here are willing to help. Write down everything you want to express. Find friends or family who may support you and take comfort in your child as he lives on within her.

Take care
Marcel

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Emily,

What a terrible shock for you i am so sorry, my thoughts are with you and your little girl x

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this.  I don't really even know what to say any different than what others have.  You have us here to talk to and please don't hesitate to do so.  Focus on that sweet baby who needs you so much.

Take care of yourself!  And breathe. :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Emily and baby, I don't have the slightest idea on what I should say or if there's anything I CAN say. Know this though, we are all terribly sorry for your loss, the road you're now forced to travel, and the uncertain future ahead of you. You're in our thoughts, our prayers, we will "listen" and hopefully you'll post as you feel the need. 

Your baby needs you, you know this, but I can also imagine how hard it's going to be as you'll want to shut down and just grieve. Cry, weep, yell, scream and stare off into nothing. And that'll be sometimes difficult caring for your child, so if you have trusted family or a friend or two, lean on them. Even if it's just for 30 minutes, an hour, tend to your wellbeing as much as you can. To be what you need to be for your child, you have to be as healthy as you can. Take care of yourself, eat, hydrate, (water, Gatorade, etc) even it's just a little.

May you find peace and comfort,

Andy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I am very sorry for the death of your husband.

As Andy mentioned, your health is very important. I encourage you to have regular visits with your doctor.  My family doctor stressed to me that there is a very high risk of serious risk of injury or illness in the year following the death of a spouse and to pay very careful attention to your health.

He encouraged walking 30 minutes a day, eating five fruits and vegetables daily, and sleeping eight hours a night. There are some very helpful sleep medications that are non addictive and can be used over the short term.  Regular visits to your doctor are critical at this point.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
soursunrise

I am sorry for your loss. I also lost my love pretty much on the same day and exactly as unexpectedly, so I can understand just what you are going through.

Being in grief myself, I can only give you following advice: Please take one step at a time, take care of yourself and your baby girl and remember it's a long process with the pain being a part of it. Don't hesitate to consult with a specialist if the load of feelings becomes unbearable... 

My prayers go out for both of you

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Rashda ryan

My husband committed suicide last week 24/3/17. We just had his funeral in Ireland as he is originally from Dublin.

Im completely numb and devastated by this and feel so shocked. We have a little 3 year old girl and my heart aches for her.

I don't know where to go from here or what to do... 

He had everything to live for.. or so I thought 

how do you get the strength to carry on... I've lost my soul mate and feel like I'm now losing my life 

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Rashda Ryan, my heart goes out to you, along with my thoughts and prayers. May not seem like much, but I'm here, we're all here to encourage and to offer as much emotional support as we can. As I've said to another in a prior post, please take care of yourself, see to your health, the devastation of your loss coupled with the responsibility of raising a child will demand all you have and then some. Beyond that, I sincerely hope you understand that his decision wasn't because of you, the impact of this loss will obviously have far reaching and long lasting effects for everyone who loved him, but along with sorrow, anger, confusion and a million other emotions, guilt will try to take hold of your thinking. I can't imagine the grief you're experiencing, my loss was 3 months ago as a result of "natural" causes. 

You gather strength slowly, one moment at a time, painfully, but it will come. Remember it's perfectly ok for you to be weak, to cry and become a miserable wreck. Just allow it to run its course when it hits, get back up again and continue on. Sometimes just getting out of bed will require every ounce of your strength. And that's enough. 

Hold fast and breathe, allow things to slow down, there are no rules to this, no right or wrong way to grieve, just remember the self care. 

Love, support and peace,

Andy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Rashda ryan, Sending prayers and hugs your way. I am sorry for your tragic loss. I hope you have supportive family and friends being of help to you and your little girl.

This forum is a safe place to express all your feelings. We will listen and understand and be as supportive as we are able.

Your beloved husband lives on in your little girl and in your heart. This will help you on your journey.

I have a hard time expressing words, but my heart is with you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
15 hours ago, Rashda ryan said:

My husband committed suicide last week 24/3/17. We just had his funeral in Ireland as he is originally from Dublin.

Im completely numb and devastated by this and feel so shocked. We have a little 3 year old girl and my heart aches for her.

I don't know where to go from here or what to do... 

He had everything to live for.. or so I thought 

how do you get the strength to carry on... I've lost my soul mate and feel like I'm now losing my life 

I am so sorry, it seems there's a number of us that have lost their spouse to suicide.  My husband was heart attack but I've often wished he hadn't taken up smoking again, that he hadn't had a sweet tooth (he was diabetic), maybe he'd be alive still...but maybe not.  

I hope you are able to find a professional grief counselor to help you know where to start with this maze of grief.

This is a book written by someone I knew through another grief site, especially written to help explain death to children:
Water Bugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children 

https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/082981180X/griefheal07-20

 

You aren't alone here, there are others who have also lost their spouse to suicide.  It's hard to grasp, I don't think we can make sense of it.

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/11/surviving-spouses-suicide.html

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/03/grief-support-for-survivors-of-suicide.html

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/03/explaining-suicide-to-child.html
 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
On 4/3/2017 at 5:06 PM, Rashda ryan said:

My husband committed suicide last week 24/3/17. We just had his funeral in Ireland as he is originally from Dublin.

Im completely numb and devastated by this and feel so shocked. We have a little 3 year old girl and my heart aches for her.

I don't know where to go from here or what to do... 

He had everything to live for.. or so I thought 

how do you get the strength to carry on... I've lost my soul mate and feel like I'm now losing my life

I am so sorry for your loss and hope you made it through the funeral in one piece.  Of course you are devastated, it's only natural; you've just lost the love of your life, your husband, your child's father, a part of you; as you put it, your soulmate.  That's a hard pill to swallow for anyone.  It's so unfortunate when you don't know what someone is going through; you think, had you known, you could have possibly saved him.  Why things happen in this life, we'll never know, and sometimes, it's not meant for us to know.  I'm so sorry that your husband felt the need to take his life but I can only imagine he must have been suffering and in so much pain.  A troubled mind leads to a troubled heart and a troubled heart leads to a troubled soul.  There is nothing in this world that can trouble you as much as your own thoughts. 

You have the strength within you right now to deal with everything life throws at you.  Often times being strong is the only option we have - and when we need to be - we will be;  without realizing it.  It's that God-given strength we as women have.  Sometimes the strength within is not a big fiery flame for all to see, it is just a tiny spark that tells you not to give up.   We as women must be strongest when we're feeling our weakness. Our strength isn't about how much we can handle before we break; it's about how much we can handle after we're broken.

What are you are going to do you ask?  Love yourself and know you did all you could have done for your husband.   Raise his daughter where he could be proud.  She needs you more than ever now - you need one another.   Instill in her that she is beautiful, that she is a royal daughter of God; that she is a princess destined to become queen; a diamond that can't be broken.  Raise her to be a strong young women she is meant to be; but above all, love her. 

I hope you continue to post; there are some amazing people on this forum who are not afraid to share their stories as well as their support, comfort and encouragement.  You are going to be alright; maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually.  At the end of the day, all we need is Hope and Strength; Hope that it will get better and Strength to hold on until it does.  My prayer is for God to send you HIS strength, love and peace during this most difficult time.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Rashda ryan

Francine thank you so much for your words

They have given me some strength...

ive never felt this much pain befit and I'm still numb with shock...

My husband had been suffering with a mental illness for years but was never fully diagnosed

his note read that he sees absolutely no way out of this and he is sorry for taking his life... 

We had everything good jobs.. nice house..our beautiful daughter...what seemed a happy life..,

why??! I cannot stop crying I wznt this pain to go away 

 

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Rashda, We'll never know the *whys*. I don't feel we are meant to understand anything about this life until it is our turn for Heaven. I am sorry your husband felt his pain was too unbearable. He will always love you and his daughter. Love never goes away.That bond can never be broken. You will continue on for yourself and your daughter, just as Francine said. (HUGS)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
22 hours ago, Rashda ryan said:

They have given me some strength...

ive never felt this much pain befit and I'm still numb with shock...

why??! I cannot stop crying I wznt this pain to go away

 

21 hours ago, KMB said:

Rashda, We'll never know the *whys*. I don't feel we are meant to understand anything about this life until it is our turn for Heaven.

I'm glad; that's what we're here to do - try to lift up one another strength and hopefully give encouragement.  I know first hand the pain you're experiencing. The pain that hurts so bad that your whole body is crying; your heart is aching so much, you can't take a breath; you bend over clutching your stomach and can't say a word, or make a move.  Your mind is on your pain and you feel the burning heavy tears stream down your cheeks.  That pain is called Grief.  It's ugly and can shock you into disbelief and numbness - that's what it does - and it does its job well.  The only way to get rid of it is by going through it.   That's what you, we all are doing.  Some of us will go through it sooner than others, but we will go through it. KMB is spot on in her post.  We'll never no why. 

We all have cried our eyes out - I still have my tsunami moments and I think its good for us. When we hold back our tears, we are drowning our heart.  The pain you are feeling is not only completely valid but necessary because it lets us know we are human.  And though I can't promise it will get better anytime soon, I honestly believe that it will - someday - eventually.  For now, just take your time through this journey and know that we are here for you whenever you feel the need to post. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.