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Suggestion of things to avoid or do very early on


Bobbers

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I'm asking this because it is hard for me to take advice about certain things from people who haven't experienced it. I am about three weeks in this ( he died on the 5th). I would really appreciate some advice on somethings and would like anyone to please add any as I'm sure I'm missing many things

1. I am realizing there are men that prey on widows, I don't have much experience with men, I've had one boyfriend than got married I never learned how to deal with men because they didn't dare try anything with me. I'm in a position where I feel like if I am mean to someone who makes me feel uncomfortable it will make it worse and then just being very simple and forward, they continue.

2. I don't trust a lot of my judgement, should I wait a year until I meet new male friends. I understand it's different for everyone but any advice would help.

3. I'm having trouble throwing away anything he has even touched including cigarette butts. I can't move thing in our room even trash and things that need to be picked up.

4. I never took many pictures, he did and they are on Facebook. Any advice on how I could print these out. I also have a cell phone Samsung 3, and a kindle fire that won't charge. If there. Is anyway to get the pictures off them or some sort of cloud they could be in. I do have an I pad so I will check to see if there are pictures saved there. 

That is all I can think of and I appreciate any and all help. I understand I could google but I can't seem to focus long enough to  read much thank you

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Don't throw anything of his away right now that you can see yourself possibly regretting.  Time enough for that later, little by little.  You can take the trash out. ;)

Yes there are people that prey on widows as we're very vulnerable.  I had it happen to me.  My advice is don't date until you've first learned to be comfortable with just yourself, living alone, which can take some time since as you say, you've only been with one person, your husband.  If you do go there someday, start as friends and go slow.  Don't let anyone pressure you into anything you're not comfortable with.  If you're not sure how to handle something, run it by a close friend or sibling first.

They say wait a year before making changes, I'd make that closer to two or three.

I'll let someone else handle the cloud issue since I don't use it.  I use a PC as there's no cell service here.

 

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Would changes include moving and this may seem strange to some.  But I really want to change my hair everything about it. I understand that may seem small to some people but it seems like it might make me feel different or if I hate it I would feel worse.thank you for you response that was very helpful 

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Hi Bobbers

you asked "should I wait a year until I meet new male friends."? If you have the time read my post " Autocharge my Experience ". In it I talk about my first attempt at online dating, I don't know if it will help but you will see that others have had the same questions and what the out come was. This is a learning experience for all of us.

as far as the cloud When I got back home from being overseas the first thing I did was to go through everything looking for pics ( digital and analog) . I found over 9000 old photos. I took them to Sams club , their they have a machine that scans them in really fast and it just a couple of bucks to save them to a DVD. From their I made a Google account and used their photo app ( unlimited storage) . this way those pics will be protected for ever even if technology changes and we know it will.

Thanks for your question now I have some thing  new to rant about in my thread. don't be afraid to ask questions.

Autocharge 

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Bobbers, Your loss is very new. Our emotions and thought process is very chaotic at this time. Personally, I wouldn't be in such a rush with changing anything. Especially my hair. I feel that you should slow down. Take time to fully absorb your loss, feel the pain. Have the patience that most of what you are thinking of is minor and time and changes you want to make will all unfold in their own timing. As far as moving, if it is something you have to do, the you'll do it. If it is something you are only thinking of, wait for awhile to make sure sure of the correct decision.  I assume your son is in school during the day. Maybe take walks to keep your body stimulated and moving. Walk around your town and find out what resources are available for grief support/counseling.

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I don't have to move yet I hope, but after my son gets out of school. I want to move. I am on Medicaid and I got a referral to this weight loss program. I was thinking that might be good because the weight I'm losing now is from not eating. I want to get my son into counseling now but I'm a little scared to right away I'm not sure if I'm ready to think about what is actually going on. But I feel like I need to change something. I clean my house then it's dirty by the end of the day.  I just feel like I'm going in pointless circles. I would like to make some changes with myself and focus on my son and things that will help him feel better. 

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Hi Bobbers,Please slow down.Don't change anything.Stay where you are .Be there for your son and take one day at a time.

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Bobbers,  Tineke posted the same as I---Please, slow down. You say you want to get your son into counseling. find someone, a professional grief counselor, for both of you.

It has only been a few weeks since your husband passed. You sound restless and chaotic. Allow yourself to grieve. The only way to get through this is to face the emotions and feelings head on. A grief counselor can help you with this. A counselor can help you get on the right track with direction and tools to help you cope.

It's alright to make small changes, help yourself into new routines. But try to avoid big changes for now. Our minds are in a fog in the beginning.You don't want or need to make big changes that over time you might regret. One day at a time.

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Bobbier,

I agree KayC who makes a good point in her post. 

On 3/28/2017 at 5:06 PM, KayC said:

Yes there are people that prey on widows as we're very vulnerable.  I had it happen to me.  My advice is don't date until you've first learned to be comfortable with just yourself, living alone, which can take some time since as you say, you've only been with one person, your husband.  If you do go there someday, start as friends and go slow.

Try this on for size  --  My sister in law's husband called me roughly 3 weeks ago and caught me off guard.   My sister-in-law died 8 years ago and my Charles and I tried to stay in contact with him on occasion even inviting him to some of family the gatherings we had.   I thought he was calling to check up on me and see how I was getting along.  He asked if we could maybe go out for dinner/lunch and just talk - I thought, how thoughtful and said it would be nice.   The next sentence that came out of is mouth, floored me.   He started saying he 'loved' me and that we should be together like God wanted a man and women to be together.  He even started singing a song  (Stevie Wonder's 'I just called to say I love you') and ask me to sing along with him.   I thought, "this man has lost his mind" -  that something was wrong with him - literally.  You can imagine, I was at a lost for words.  Fast forward to yesterday, he called again and started to profess his love for me again.   This time I was ready, I stopped him dead in this conversation and told him, that I would 'never'  go out with him - I think he got the message.   He ask if he could call again, my response was only if he was calling to check up on his 'sister-in-law'.   Now when I think about it, I should have said "NO".  Still might have that opportunity - Talk about weird.

Whatever you decide, take it slow and listen to your women's instincts.  intuition doesn't lie.  God gave it to us for a reason. 

 

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1 hour ago, Francine said:

Bobbier,

I agree KayC who makes a good point in her post. 

Try this on for size  --  My sister in law's husband called me roughly 3 weeks ago and caught me off guard.   My sister-in-law died 8 years ago and my Charles and I tried to stay in contact him on occasion even inviting him to some of family gatherings we had.   I thought he was calling to check up on me and see how I was getting along.  He asked if we could maybe go out for dinner/lunch and just talk - I thought, how thoughtful and said it would be nice.   The next sentence that came out of is mouth, floored me.   He started saying he 'loved' me and that we should be together like God wanted a man and women to be together.  He even started singing a song  (Stevie Wonder's 'I just called to say I love you') and ask me to sing along with him.   I thought, "this man has lost his mind" -  that something was wrong with him - literally.  You can imagine, I was at a lost for words.  Fast forward to yesterday, he called again and started to profess his love for me again.   This time I was ready, I stopped him dead in this conversation and told him, that I would 'never'  go out with him - I think he got the message.   He ask if he could call again, my response was only if he was calling to check up on his 'sister-in-law'.   Now when I think about it, I should have said "NO".  Still might have that opportunity - Talk about weird.

Whatever you decide, take it slow and listen to your women's instincts.  intuition doesn't lie.  God gave it to us for a reason. 

 

Whoa!  Wow!  I'm sorry!  A couple friend of ours disappeared after George died, go figure, but when SHE passed, her husband contacted me and wanted to get together (as in hook up) said he thought George would get a kick out of it!  :ohmy: I don't think so!!!  This guy was out of his ever luvin' mind!!  No way!  I refused to meet him and never spoke with him again.  Maybe grief does weird things to some people.

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