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scared over seeing mums death


lost in despare

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lost in despare

Im 36 a single mother to a 3year old autistc boy. The only way for any one to understand my feelings is a short over view of life first..... I was taken away from my mum at 4  and adopted at six. I first met her when i was 15 she saved me from d.v when i was 29. Seven years i spent with her every day more or less i became her carer when she was diagnosed with overian cancer on 16-12-15. I kept it real and often spoke with mum about her cancer. I went to her appointment with her on 16-02-16 where she refused chemo they tried to talk her into it and i got angry and told them she wanted quality rather than quantity. On that day she was given six months or less . Everyday i would walk the hours walk to my mum do everything for her take her out in her wheel chaire cook clean look after my son and go home and do all that again. We came to june and she had stopped eating and drinking she was at home as she did not want to die in hospital. One night an ambulance was rang as mum was not in a good way it turned out she now had phnumonia on top of cancer everywhere possible. We made arrangments for palitive nurses to come to the flat. My family started to help which was good as by this time i was ill myself as i ignored my own health and became ran down and lost control of my anorexia with not finding the time to eat. It was on a friday my eldesy sister said i needed to go there and stay there as she was going to be dead soon. I tried to say no as i would have to take my son but they made me feel so bad that i felt i had to. Over the next few days she was strong so strong she fought the sedatives that she was given every two hours and got stuck in a groan omg that groan i will be haunted forever by that bit the worst this is she kept bringing up bowl and stomock contents . The night before she died she perked up and asked for aomething to drink we could not refuse her dying wish so she had what she asked for which was water coffee milk shake luckazade and cherry coke she did not like the lukazade but was violently sick right up to her last breath i camt talk to no one about what i saw as i hyperventilate when i try so i am waiting to see if my old art theropost can help me sorry for the long poat and the bad spelling im just so tired andy brain ia not ahutting off. I miss my mum so much she died 26-06-16

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Dear lost in despair,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your mum. I'm so sorry for your loss. You have been through so much with your mum. I know the pain and sorrow is unbearable.

Please know you are not alone. We are all here to listen and support you in anyway we can.

When you are ready maybe consider talking to a grief counselor, joining a support group, or accessing resources in the community or church for additional supports.

Thinking of you. Sending you love and hugs.

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I'm really sorry you lost your mom and had to see her struggle in the end.  I know how hard that is.  On my mom's last day, she was transferred from ICU to hospice to pass.  Hospice said it was okay for her to have popsicles and ice chips.  My mom was paralyzed from the neck down from a stroke, which also afflicted her brain horribly.  I offered her ice chips, she was so thirsty.  But she choked on them.  Pretty sure all the melted ice went into her lungs, and she was too weak to cough to get any of it up. 

But the thing is, thirst is such a desperate and urgent desire when you're thirsty.  Your mom wanted something to drink.  That may be the most natural and common request in those situations.  I can't offer much condolence about her being so nauseated, b/c I get it, that sucks.  It was an awful thing she had to go through and it's an awful thing for you to have to witness.  Unfortunately, dying is rarely easy.  All we can hope to do is offer them some comfort, which tends to just be our company, sedatives, pain meds, and something to drink.  But please know, giving them something to drink is one of the kindest things you can do.  I'm very sorry your mom got sick.  I'm sure you weren't expecting that.  

Share as much as you'd like.  It can help to talk about it. 

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