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years after death..


abere3813

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it was in 2011 that i lost my father at 17 , 5 days before my birthday and on my parents wedding anniversary. he left behind two children and a wife who was 8 months pregnant. my little brother is 5 now and will never know what a great man his father was. i still am extremely plagued by the grief. now that it has been almost 6 years , i feel like family and friends no longer care that my dad is not around and that everyone is moving on with their lives. no one talks about him, or does celebration of life at his anniversarys or birthdays. its hurt me to know that such an important person in my life is gone and that no one else seems to be feeling the  pain i am.  i am afraid to move on with my life because i don't want him to not be apart of my future. im having a hard time i guess coping with the grief, and feel like i don't really have anyone to talk to about this fact.  I guess im looking for people with similar experiences or thoughts/suggestions on how to deal with this? i do have a partner , but he has both  of his parents and does not really seem interested in discussing anything around the death of my father.

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Dear abere,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow of losing your father is unbearable. Its always hard for  those of us left behind.

I hear you. It feels like those around us, family and friends have moved on, but we are still holding on to our fathers. I think we should. And we should find ways to remember them and honor them. I try to visit my dad in the cemetery regularly and bring him flowers and his favorite coffee. The funeral home planted a tree in his honor. But I'm still trying to think of ways to honor him and to keep his memory alive. Your 5 year old brother will know your dad through you. You will be able to share you dad's values and stories with him. And he will know what an amazing man your dad was.

I know my dad would want me to continue with my life as an honorable person. To keep taking care of my siblings. Its still hard. But I'm going to try. Grief is very hard to understand. I have tried talking to counselor, going to a support group, reading articles online. I have found these websites helpful. What's Your Grief, The Grief Healing Blog and GriefShare.Org

Please know we are all here to listen and support you in anyway we can. Thinking of you. Sending you love and hugs.

 

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Sorry for your loss.

I was 17 when my dad lost his fight to cancer at 2011. Right when I thought I had moved on, my brother passed away in 2011 and my world fell apart yet again. I've since had good and bad days, today felt particularly bad and I don't really have anyone to talk to, so I decided to reply to you. As for your post, I'm so sorry, I don't really know what to say to make you feel better except saying that I'm so sorry for your loss and I feel your pain. And sorry for my bad English too. Hope you have a wonderful day.

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3 hours ago, abere3813 said:

i am afraid to move on with my life because i don't want him to not be apart of my future

It seems like he's still a part of your life, after so many years, so I don't think you'd 'forget' him. I will never forget my gran.
I am sorry that they seem so indifferent.
I am new to grief so I don't have many suggestions, but I'm just trying to take it slowly.  if I were to talk to others I would like for them to understand this kind of pain. People don't normally talk about death, but it's an essential part of life. They don't talk about the suffering that people go through every second... I think that's a bit abnormal given the frequency with which it occurs... Avoidance is a familiar concept to me but I have reached partial acceptance and I no longer fear death. I can't exactly explain how I'm dealing with it, but I somehow am.. to my surprise.. with the hope that her soul might be out there and a part of something greater. I don't know. That's what keeps me going. I've changed because I never believed in souls before. Now that I've seen the one person I loved and cared for (I was a caregiver), everything is completely different. I have never felt this way before, so I'm still absorbing all of this. But I will understand one day, I think.

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