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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
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KMB   

I will be turning 58 soon. A few weeks after my husband will have been gone for a year. I cannot believe that it is been 8 1/2 months already. Seems just like yesterday we were outside, having laughs and a good time with a friend on his last day. At the same time, it feels like many years since he has been gone. My body and my mind feel like they have aged at least 10 years since his passing. The emotions, stress, has taken its toll.

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1 hour ago, KMB said:

 

I will be turning 58 soon

 

My Grandmother was 60 when Grandpa died at 65. She is now 91. The thing that haunts me the most is one time I had set a computer up for email for her. Well it wasn't long she had troubles with it so I went to fix it. I needed her password to get in. It was " Alone " that had a profound effect on me. She never dated anyone. 30 plus years just think about it.

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KMB   

I am sorry for your Grandmother's loss. Also, for you in losing your Grandfather. Your Grandmother's choice of password tells of her true feeling, her heart.. She lost the love of her life and is choosing to remain loyal and committed until the end. It would be interesting to chat with her and hear what she has to say about her lonely years and how she has gotten through them. I bet she has compassionate, lovely words of insight and wisdom.

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KayC   

My mom died at 92.  She didn't date either, although she had a couple of marriage proposals...she was alone 32 years after daddy died.

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53 minutes ago, KayC said:

My mom died at 92.  She didn't date either, although she had a couple of marriage proposals...she was alone 32 years after daddy died.

Both You and KMB Have got me started thinking. Was it because of the times, social norms/values. Back then you made your bed and you sleep in it forever so to speak. Are things changing that much in todays society. What is the new expiation , new normal , new acceptable?

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KMB   

Autocharge, I don't know the answers. I enjoy being a people watcher. I have noticed with the younger generation, there is no appreciation, not much in the way of respect or manners. This society we live in has become much faster paced. Get to the top with very little work ethic. I've seen the younger folks changing relationships like people change their socks. One little bump in the road, they are out looking for greener pastures . Relationships require effort, communication and compromising. Sometimes, I feel like I don't want to be a part of this society. It has changed so radically since I was a teen in the 70's. Life back then was no where near what it has become today. I was raised to respect your faith, your parents and the elderly. You worked hard for what you wanted. We were taught manners and to help the less fortunate. To be kind and compassionate because you didn't know what it was like to walk in another's shoes. Life now can be cruel, heartless, violent.

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KayC   

I think it's more of an individual choice.  I've known others in my mom's age range that handled their widowhood differently than her and remarried.  It's very much an individual personal choice.

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KMB   

KayC, You are right. What all of us here decide for ourselves on this journey is a personal choice .Another point chalked up to the loneliness chart. I'd rather be making decisions/choices with my husband.

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I don't think I can find Happiness in loneliness? 

I just want to be Happy, is that to much to ask?

So much has been taken from all of us on here.

Sorry sad moment.

 

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I just posted in another thread and thought I would bring it to this thread as it's a part of my experience.

To each their own. I had my wife's ashes separated into glass jars that we painted black(mason jars with the clip lids from dollar general, she would have liked that"favorite  store"). Then I traveled to California ,Guam, Sicily, Florida, Gulf of Mexico to spread her ashes into the "OCEANS" at her request. Her mom even took some to the Philippines. On most of the trips I saw family members in that area as we spread her ashes into the Sea. It took 6 months to accomplish this task and it was worth it.

So what you do with your ashes is for you not everyone else.

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50 minutes ago, AceBasin said:

As you are further along the path than some of us, I really appreciate your posts.

Thank you ( for putting up with my wall of text and typos).

Something funny/unbelievable. After 30 years of working with and on computers, I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW TO TYPE. I hunt and peck.

The Navy had no interest in teaching me how to wright!!!  LOL

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Marcel   
4 hours ago, Autocharge said:

So what you do with your ashes is for you not everyone else.

Not everywhere. My wife's ashes are burried under a tree at the cemetary as it's illegal here to take the ashes with you or spread them anywhere else. The only other option is a burial at sea, but you cannot just do that yourself either.

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28 minutes ago, Marcel said:

Not everywhere. My wife's ashes are burried under a tree at the cemetary as it's illegal here to take the ashes with you or spread them anywhere else. The only other option is a burial at sea, but you cannot just do that yourself either.

Marcel

It may be so. I however made sure it was fine to fly with them in my luggage or backpack( a simple pice of paper from the funeral home). After that when I was at that special spot on the beach or on a privet boat at sea all I did was make sure I didn't disturb the people in the area and released Her ashes. Call me what you want but I was on a mission and I wasn't going to be stopped.

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KMB   

Marcel, I am sorry that you were restricted on what should be considered your own business with what you would have liked to do with your wife's ashes. I am fortunate that I could bring my husband home, and at some point in time, when I'm more emotionally stable and at peace with his passing, I will be spreading his ashes around special places on our property. My heart goes out to you.

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Moving Stuff
 
Back in October 2016 just 5 months after my wife pasted, I was repainting the inside of the house (white). I had no problem painting our bed room. I had made changes to the bed ( removed the steal frame, it was to high now). In the process of putting things back together I didn’t put back the Head board. Thats when it hit me. I lost it emotionally, we had that head board sense the very beginning. So I placed it back even though their was no way to support / mount it. It’s still their today. You never know when or what will trigger a wave of emotion. So where am I going with this? Today (hours before the 11 month mark) I moved the picture collage that was made to celebrate her life to another room in the house. I’m doing ok right now maybe because I know it’s still in the house ( her hobby room, which I still haven’t been able to do to much in that room). I was concerned that another wave of emotions would hit but it hasn’t yet. I have read threads on here about “ What do I do with His/Her things” and thought that I should wright about this subject and my experience so far. Little steps, some forward others backward. 
 
 
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On 4/23/2017 at 0:15 PM, KMB said:

I was raised to respect your faith, your parents and the elderly. You worked hard for what you wanted.

We thought our kids this and both are doing great for the most part. Their in what I call the "Spit and Polish" phase of growing up. The things I think about that not only their Mom is going to miss but how their going to miss shearing life with their mom. The possibility of Marriage and grandkids , oh how I wish my would be grandkids could have know their grandmother. That's also a reason I have saved pictures out on google and youtube ( the data will be their forever in one format or the other) and why I post to this forum. Not only are there people here that understand but it is an execelent place for documenting self thought in a public place. A place that hopefully will stand the test of time.

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Ok new topic

Getting out of my comfort zone.

MEETUP.com 

This is going to be my first attempt to going to "meetup.com function". It's Trivia night, it's not like theirs any pressure from going on a date but I am a little apprehensive about meeting 15 new singles at once.

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Getting out of my comfort zone.

MEETUP.COM

OK I'm back. My first thoughts are it was nice. I meet people that were in the same age bracket 40+ . There were 3 guys and 13 ladies. It was pleasant conversation and no-one asked about my late wife. We all sheared a little background info on our selfs through out the evening. The restaurant was hosting  the trivia contest not the group. We played as a table and won second place. I have all ready RSVP ed to two more events. I hope this will fill some of my time now. It's not dating but the chance is their I'm hoping this will turn out to be a good balance between being alone and the scary internet dating sites.

Their are a couple off other groups that I plan on checking out but will not go into details unless encouraged to or I see fit to for some reason. I don't want to be promoting some web sit on this forum. These two post were for informational porpoises only. Each to their own.

 

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KayC   

I'm glad it was nice!  

Today was to be the last day of our Grief Support Group...none of them wanted it to end, so we will continue.

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The plan
 
   On 4/11/2017 at 5:28 PM,  Llad said: 

we were planning on retirement soon and traveling around the world..

These we our plans too. I'm now retired according to the "plan" but find the "plan" to be empty now, unenjoyable without her. I'm trying hard to kick start the "plan" but I just can't get my leg to moving. Time is passing slowly I can feel it. I do things to get me out of my comfort zone. I'm hoping this will get me to rolling on the "plan". I also feel guilty to have the possibility of enjoying the "plan" without her. We both worked so hard to get to this point in life. Only to get the wind nocked out of our sails.

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KMB   

Autocharge, I'm glad you have the availability of meetup activities in your area. They have many outlets for socializing. I joined meetup myself a few months back, at someone's suggestion. I knew I was going to run into a wall, which I did. I live in an isolated country area and the closest meetup activities are 80 or more miles away. Considering travel time, gas, etc., it is not for me. But, I can say I tried.

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wow I thought I was pushing it ( 40 miles one way). One of the problems I'm running into is trying to find a 40 -50 year old retire, ready to travel and have fun. We were way ahead on the game of "life" , were sure to be the winners, then the wheels fall off the little plastic car.

 

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It's bee almost two weeks sense my last post. Part of me wants to post daily just so I could talk to and respond to all of you on here. This forum has done and is doing more for me then I could have ever thought. So what has happened in two weeks? The dating seen: Lady #5 came to the conclusion that I was trying to clear " hurdles " and was not ready for a relation ship ( I so stated in my profile dating only) and has quietly and slowly stopped talking to me. It is the internet and I am now talking with another , soon to meet for dinner. This dating thing is tough. I'm begining to question witch is tougher dating or being alone. Dating dose have its moments. In efforts to keep myself from being board I am thinking about going back to work (over seas). The only problem with that is I know it is me running away from my issues ( yes they will still be here when I come back I know that). As stated before by others the solitude is overwhelming.  My thoughts and feelings: I still miss her everyday and twice on Sunday. The one year mark is almost here, May 25 a day that will be with me forever along with Birthday, wedding, birth of my kids, valentines day, mothers day, so many days. I miss her.

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KMB   

Autocharge, Thanks for checking in, letting us know how you are doing. We are all works in progress and it is heartening to hear that you are trying to evolve yourself through this painful journey. You keep giving us hope in your own way.

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