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Autocharge, I can see the new generator in the pic. I watched the videos. I wouldn't even want to drive my 4WD pickup through that water.  A person would be better off with a pontoon or one of those monster trucks I've seen on tv.  Then again, you probably couldn't transport people or supplies with those too well. If all these water weather disasters are going to become the norm, somebody will invent the perfect vehicle for rescues/supplies.

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KMB,

They have invented the perfect vehicle for it.  They have vehicles that also double as water-transporters, but they are very expensive and not very many own them.

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Cool pics. Go figure that the military would have something. It just wasn't clicking in my brain the other day, that the military did have those huge all terrain vehicles. Blame it on the lingering brain fog!

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I didn't see any in the news but I wonder if they brought some in, it would stand to reason that they would.  

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On 8/1/2017 at 3:06 PM, KayC said:

The choices I see is you continue to travel while she continues to work, or you marry and she retires early and you go it together.  Either way, no decision has to be made today, right now play the cards you have and enjoy what is.

 

It looks like a third choice has come up. My old work called me up just the other day and wants to talk to me about a position. It would start off in the states for about a year(6mo training than 6mo in Oklahoma city). Then I would go to Argentina for three years or more. I told Carla about this and she is encouraging me to do “what I want”. We talked about her traveling and how it could workout. If things stayed the same between us(but who knows right).  The thing is I liked what I did and I was good at it. The money is nice , not that I need it but extra money never hurts, right.  I can always retire again but how often do jobs come along. After writing this it seems pretty clear what I should do. Once again I hold my breath and jump feet first into the unknow. I don't want my relationship with Carla to go bad but there's a chance that it will workout. It would nice to have my cake and eat it too. I don't think we would have any problems for the first year while im state side but the Argentina part of it could be different. Only time will tell. Please let me know if I have overlooked anything.

 

Autocharge (moving forward”new normal”)

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Autocharge,  Wow!  Somebody is looking out for you and knows what opportunities to have come your way! You've already made your choice. You are doing the right thing. This is your life and you need to follow what your instincts,heart, are saying to you. You do have a year before leaving for Argentina. A lot can happen in a years time. Carla is on your side. She will have your best interests at heart also. If she is willing to do the traveling required, to help sustain/nurture the relationship, it will go fine. I don't see how you could have over looked anything. You seem well grounded in whatever you do.  Keep us posted!

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Autocharge,

The time apart could bring some clarity and you can still visit...after a year's time you may feel you don't want to be apart from Carla.  If so, time enough to figure out if you need to make it work out so you can be together, perhaps she could go with you to Argentina, or if you will arrange visits.  But I do hope everything works out for you and it sounds like a wonderful opportunity!

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The choices

I had an interview yesterday it went really well. I think they're going to make me an offer soon . I'm actually surprised at how fast I'm moving through the process this normally takes at least a month. However there was a slight mistake on my part on the day I had the cell phone conversation with them. I thought they said Argentina nope, it was Algeria that puts a new Twist on things as far as Carla being able to come and visit or anyone else . The crazy thing is I'm just as excited to go their. Algeria in fact is kind of a better place, for it aligns more with my skill set then Argentina . Carla and I have been talking about taking vacations in Europe and other countries, point is we're talking as if we're trying to figure out ways to make this all work. Time will tell .

Autocharge(moving forward”new normal”)

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It would be harder (much longer travel) to visit but still possible.  The fact that you're trying to make it work means you still want to be in a relationship.  I hope for the best for both of you.

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Congrats on the interview going well. Future travel could be an issue, but you and Carla are keeping the communications between you two open and honest. That is a big plus in things working out in your favor for the future. Stay well and happy !

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I log into this forum to see if anybody has posted, my friends my grief friends. Then I start reading the new post or the post that I have missed. I hate feeling the sorrow and pain in the new threads, it brings back the memories.  SO MUCH PAIN out their.

 

Autocharge

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I quite agree with you. It pains my heart even more when I read of new members joining. But, there is also relief, in that we know they are coming here to a safe place, seeking help and solace and a listening ear.  This world is filled with so much pain. Not just from the loss of human lives, but also the loss and destruction of homes, a way of life, destroyed by the weather disasters that have been occurring.

We have no idea of the pain a stranger might be enduring on the inside. Be it someone we stand next to in line at the grocery to the person in their car next to us at a stop light. Everyone carries a sad story in their heart.

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The choices II

The interview turned into a JOB. I accepted the offer and start Nov 6th. I’ve been unable to post due to work moving slowly on the offer, oh and me taking a vacation that started out by going to Oakland Ca. and then driving down to La paz mexico. I drove my MIL and her friend down in their SUV the last two days. So I’m on vacation for the next 5 days and then it’s back to the “salt mine”. I’m working on some pic’s and videos now, will post later.

 

Autocharge(moving forward”new normal”)

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Beautiful pictures!  Congratulations on the job!  I'm glad you were able to get a vacation in before you start, smart move!

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Autocharge,  I ditto KayC's post! I especially like the 2nd pic of the ocean. I can imagine myself standing just off the sand getting my feet wet. ( Don't know how to swim, so I wouldn't go out far)!

I am glad things are going well for you!

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The Dream II

It’s been 8 months since I have had a dream with my wife in it. This one was just as powerful as the previous ones. I wake up wanting to go back to the dream and be content staying their. I am much happier in the dream then I'm in reality. I do hope this changes one day soon.

 In this dream my wife had no clue as to what I was talking about in regards to her having cancer and being paralyzed. She felt sorry that I was so distraught over feeling this way. She told me “it,s ok”. She could move her legs and that just amazed me. As I reached out to touch her legs I woke up.

I so wanted to go back to that dream.

 

Autocharge(moving forward”new normal”)

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1 hour ago, Autocharge said:

She told me “it,s ok”. She could move her legs and that just amazed me.

Sounds like a visitation dream. She is letting you know she is okay. I don't know if you believe in the afterlife, but when we do transition over, we become perfect, fit, healthy and strong. As wonderful as those reaffirmation dreams are, it is hell waking up to our reality.

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I agree with KMB on this.  I think she's letting you know she's okay and the cancer no longer affects her.  It's not surprising that you woke up just as you reached out to touch her...like a veil separates our worlds for now, but it won't always be this way.

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On 10/31/2017 at 0:10 PM, KMB said:

I am glad things are going well for you!

 

KMB, Your right things do seem to be going well but I’ll let you and everyone else in on something. Everyday is hard simply put I’m here and she is not(my wife). I get up everyday and yes I think about her everyday all day. I move forward. I have moments where I feel good but I’m still looking for that day were Im happy all day long. I still don't have a plan for the further, just one day at a time. I question if I’m making the right decisions. Carla is a good woman but I lost part of me when my wife died a part that I trusted blindly without hesitation. I am incomplete. I don't know what I want, if anything. “Going well” don't be fooled and don't envy me. Could things be worse, Yes. I am trying hard to move forward.

Sorry for the above post just confused today. I attended a ceremony for veterans at the High School where our kids attended. The kids put together a video of the interviews and stories that the veterans had. One of them was mine, about how my wife waited until I got back from a 6 month cruise to have my son the very next day at 4:30am. It is a small school system and we were very involved with it. So after the ceremony several of the Teachers came up to me and expressed their condolences/grief for my “loss”. The school was like a second extended home with all the kids and adults. I understand what they did but it also was extremely hard for me. I don't know what I'm feeling but I needed to post, and can't wait to read everyone's comments.

 

Autocharge (moving forward”new normal”)

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I cannot even imagine what all you were feeling watching that video. On one hand, it is an honor as a veteran, but it would also have been bittersweet, to be there, without your wife. Without holding hands and sharing the experience of the video, together. I am sorry that wasn't the reality it should have been.

It is a huge credit to a small community school that obviously has the right moral standards, in teaching the young people about history, current events, and being thankful for veterans as a whole.

As for your first paragraph, I feel those of us here, are right with you. We get so good at making things look well with us superficially.  On the inside, we are a sad mess. No matter what we decide in coping skills, moving forward in some way, interacting with family, friends, coworkers, we all long for our significant others to be with us, where they belong.

I think about my husband all the time too. I think about all the things that have happened since he has been gone. I think about wishing he was here for me to discuss family matters with, things with the house. I don't have him here to help me with the major decisions. That hurts so very much. Being a long term couple, practically one person, and then suddenly being half a person, alone, hurts so much. Every day, I wonder how much longer can I keep pulling my boot straps up and dealing with another "alone" day. It has been almost 15 months for me and this daily struggle has gotten exhaustively old.

Take care of yourself. Happy Veteran's Day and a huge thank you for your service!

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15 hours ago, Autocharge said:

I understand what they did but it also was extremely hard for me.

It's okay to feel it was extremely hard.  We can't push away our grief, filling our lives with other things to wipe it away, we must allow ourselves to sit with our grief, to feel it, even the pain, for all of that is part of our processing, which takes much much time.  We will always miss them.  

And it's also just as okay to experience your time with Carla on its own merits, just as valid a love, even while grieving your wife.  We can hold more than one love within our hearts at the same time.  Are we not able to do that with our children?  I know, it's a different relationship, but it's not disloyal to love when your spouse is gone...it's human.  It's damned hard to do this journey alone.  I have elected to, not because I refuse to consider the alternative, but because I have a hard time believing, I mean a REALLY hard time believing there could be someone out there that I could have a relationship with like I did George...our relationship was so wonderful, we got each other, we clicked from the beginning, we had such love and respect for each other!  But if you can find and have that again, go for it.  It's very hard going this journey alone, day in, day out, the rest of our lives.  I'm in for a long haul...

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The Center

There is no doubt my wife was the center of the family as I look at a picture of her 40th birthday. I had such fear that year. I just knew it would be the year We lost her, leaving me with two young kids to finish raising. I was wrong she made it to her 51st birthday. My son graduates college this Dec. , My daughter is trying to join the local police force and My work is taking me to Oklahoma City . The family is going in different directions without a center now , I worry about this . What does the future look like ? The holidays will never be the same I question whether or not we will come together for the holidays .Will we be able to come together, work schedules could get in the away I guess that is Life, part of growing up, doesn't mean I have to like it . I think we would have all made a larger effort to come together if she was here. For she is the center of the family No doubt about it . Halloween now Thanksgiving the house doesn't get decorated anymore I miss it but I don't have the strength to do it . Things are changing and I don't like it but I guess it's the new normal now . I don't feel the sorrow or the sadness that I did during the first holidays without her but the emptiness is still there . The center is not here to hold us together for the holidays. Things will never be the same.

 

Autocharge(moving forward “new normal”)

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2 hours ago, Autocharge said:

. Halloween now Thanksgiving the house doesn't get decorated anymore I miss it but I don't have the strength to do it

 

Autocharge(moving forward “new normal”)

I understand that. We have thousands of dollars of decorations in color coded, meticulously labeled tubs in the garage and still all I could manage was to buy a couple pumpkins for the front porch. My wife even made wreaths for each holiday and I haven’t been able to change that since she died either. My center is gone as well 

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No, Autocharge, sadly the holiday season will never be the same without those whom were the centres of our lives.  

When our kids were around the ages of yours, we were empty nesters with some were already overseas or living elsewhere making their own way in life, and couldn’t be home for the festive season.  As they settled down and had their own children, we came together again more often and our time together was even more special and fun.  I hope you’re able to look forward to times like that occuring in the future :)

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On 4/5/2017 at 9:52 AM, KayC said:

I would agree.  If they haven't been widowed, they have no idea what it's like.  I'm sure there's some understanding divorced people out there, but I'd say you'd probably have better luck with widowed people as they "get it". 

KayC, I was reviewing my thread when I found your quote. It turns out you are more right then you could have possibly imagined .Carla and I have been seeing each other for almost 6 months now she is a widow of 5 years has two kids roughly the same age as mine she lives 4 miles from me . She is a year older than me and we understand each other tremendously . Although I didn't use your advice in the efforts to find Carla, It turns out you are right. Widowed people get it.

 

Autocharge (moving forward”new normal”)

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4 hours ago, M88 said:

 I hope you’re able to look forward to times like that occuring in the future :)

M88,  It sounds nice. only time will tell.

Autocharge

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4 hours ago, Djh0901kc said:

I understand that.

Djh0901kc, Thanks for your comment.

Autocharge

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Autocharge,

Things change in time regardless of what direction life takes us.  Years ago I never would have imagined that my kids' dad and I would have divorced after 23 years of marriage, or that I'd meet and marry my soulmate and best friend, or that I'd lose him just a few years later to a heart attack, his physique was perfect, you can't see what's going on inside a body.  I'd never imagine that my kids would marry and quit coming to my house for holiday meals, as soon as my son married, him and my DIL started hosting ALL the family meals, even though I can't drive at night and live in snow country so I miss half of them.  I miss the old days but they are gone.  For years it was me hosting everyone...

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What a Year

What a year where to start I had three water leaks lost a refrigerator and lost a freezer that included 350 lb of meat and that's just the house. Had to make a midnight run to rescue my daughter from college , Just to see her return the next semester. Had the transmission in her car fixed just so she could wreck it 2 months later. Now she wants to quit college and become a police officer. My son graduates this December without enough credits because of the college.  He has to return next semester to take two courses and he should feel thankful because "they're" going to let him walk Across the stage this December. I took my first civilian cruise out of Galveston must have been good because I'm planning on taking another cruise this February.  I meet Carla this year, we have now been seeing each other for 6 months. Work called me up and convinced me to come out of retirement, so I now have a job that in the end is going to take me to Algeria for 3 years . I found myself at the little league playoffs in waco texas for a week, and in Houston for a week during Harvie rescuing people. I went rafting down the Brazos river and Kayaking in Oklahoma. I vacationed in Idaho, Washington, California, and Mexico (Lapaz). Jumping out of an airplane at 13,000 feet and driving the Bahaj were two of the best highlights of the year. I cleaned up most of the shop and managed to get a woodworking project in but not completed (my headboard for the bed). I had 3 calves this year and sold all 10 of the cows to my neighbor.  At the time I thought I was bored and had nothing to do during my retirement. Looking back, I didn’t have enough time and planning anything else if I had wanted to would have been impossible. What a Year.

 

Autocharge (moving forward “new normal”)

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Your year has definitely been eventful!  Good luck to your daughter and to your son!  When do you leave for Algeria?

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On 12/6/2017 at 7:03 AM, KayC said:

When do you leave for Algeria?

Looks like it could be sometime in 2019 now.

Autocharge

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Glad life is keeping you busy.   I'm a bit different and tend to be "in the middle of the road" -- that is, to not sit at home and do anything, but at the same time, not really up for doing spontaneous/adventurous things.   But I'm glad you're doing whatever it takes to "process" your grief.   

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The L word

Last night after a Christmas party at Carla's work she told me “ I love you “.

She was emotional almost in tears and also said ” I wasn't expecting this when I met you “.

A moment passes I say “okay” a moment of Silent passes and I say “we're good” that's all I could think of . This morning everything seems normal but now I worry about how do I respond if she says it again. I'm confused about how I feel .

 

Autocharge (moving forward “new normal”)

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You care about her.  You enjoy her company.  You may even love her.  It's not the loving her part that you're not ready for, it's the saying it.  It's not dishonoring to your wife to have a new relationship.  Your wife would probably even encourage it if she could but tell you; after all, she cares and doesn't want you lonely and unhappy.  But you don't need her permission, even though you likely have it, you only need your own permission.  It's okay for you to love.  I know, it's all a bit confusing.  We can love different people for differing reasons, all of them valid, but we're in a monogamous culture and believe in only one of that kind of love at a time.  And that's right...unless one of them is dead.  Then it's different.  We never stop loving the one we lost.  Any relationship we have after that is in addition to and does not replace that love.  It is different, being widowed instead of divorced.  Divorced, we get over, widowed, we don't.  And even then, like with my kids' dad, we were married 23 years, I still have a love for him, I always will...I'm not IN love with him, I don't wish him back with me, Lord knows it was hard enough to live with him all those years, but I do care about him and we have many shared memories together, I can't just stop feeling for him just because we didn't work out.  But it's not the same as it was with George either...with George, it was IN love, completely and wholly, and it was perfect for me, perfect for him.  I've never seen a relationship like that before or since, our communication was great, we related to each other, we treated each other with complete respect, no one controlling, we were great together and completely loving.  If I could have another relationship like that I'd be on cloud nine, but I don't hold out hope for it, I don't date, I don't meet anyone who even deserves to be on the same planet with him.  

But you, on the other hand, have met this wonderful, understanding woman, you have this great relationship.  Don't worry about being able to reciprocate right now, if it's right, it will be, and she will wait for it.  But on the other hand, don't do anything or NOT do anything that might send her packing.  Hold onto her and appreciate her.  Love, however, whenever it comes, is so precious, so valuable, it's to be embraced and enjoyed.

I'm truly happy for you.  She will say it again, because she feels it and she means it.  And when the time is right for you, you'll be able to say it back.  Part of you isn't ready, part of you is holding back.  But I believe it will come.

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To help all those in search of information.

This is my thread, The list of topics covered this year.

The fastest way to get to the correct page is to do a wordsearch, to get to what your interested in.

I hope it helps someone.


 

Table of contents.

 

My experience !

Purpose:

People say stuff

Dating :

The Start:

The Research:

The online dating thing.

The dream

Who we are:

The Dinner:

The Dinner part II:

My wife was my foundation

The Dinner part III

The Final break up (I hope)

The Cruise

The Cruise part II

The cruise it’s over.

Believing(Faith,spirit)

Transition from married to feeling single

Ashes

Moving Stuff:

Getting out of my comfort zone.

Getting out of my comfort zone. II

Getting out of my comfort zone. III

Wanting to Post

Weight Loss

Moving Her things

Date number 3

What memories will she have?

The Talk

The Road Trip

The nephew's graduation

The one year mark.

A life well lived!

Type A

I did what I always do, I analyzed her blog.

Sometimes when you search, you don't like what you find.

Senior night

Bob

I’m sorry

Date #4

when I go grocery shopping(the loss)

Grocery Shopping

Getting outside my comfort zone IV

Got past date number 4

Crossing the Bridge, introducing the grilfriend to the family

New Comers

Crossing the Bridge, introducing the grilfriend to the family II

Crossing the Bridge, introducing the grilfriend to the family III

Crossing the Bridge, Moving into a Relationship

NEWBIES

Crossing the Bridge, Moving into a Relationship II

My Daughter

Autocharge

Crossing the Bridge, Moving into a Relationship III

Wedding  Anniversary

Moving Her things II

Crossing the Bridge, Moving into a Relationship IV

My mother-in-law

My mother-in-law II

The choices

The choices II

The Dream II

The Center

What a Year

The L word

 

Autocharge (moving forward"new normal")

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She’s not here anymore

3 weeks ago I noticed when I came home from work. I didn't look for my wife to be sitting in her chair in the living room. I thought maybe it was a fluke, so it's now been 3 weeks each time I come home I'm not expecting to see her in the chair. I'm not sure what to think of this. I think of her everyday it's just I feel uncomfortable not expecting to see her. Something has changed, I feel it.

Autocharge (moving forward "new normal")

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Hi AutoC, I think it was about 18 months after my hubby’s death, that I stopped expecting him to be where he’d always been at particular times of the day.  It kinda felt like another loss but after that realisation I was able to pack up most of his clothes and give them to a charity.  He’s still very much in my thoughts, every hour of every day though. 

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AC,

The only thing that's changed is that you're beginning to adjust to what your life is like now which is the natural order of things.  It may feel disconcerting, but also kind of a relief to not get hit afresh when we look expecting to see them only to get slammed with their absence once again.  That continually hitting us was hard to take.

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2nd guess the choices

 

Lost of my husband best friend

By Lonely spouse, April 19, 2017

 

On 8/29/2017 at 7:50 AM, Eagle-96 said:

I must admit that I still struggle with 2nd guessing the trust I put in doctors when Lori had her heart attack. It eats at me every day and probably will the rest of my life. You trusted the advice of a doctor. And why wouldn't you. They are the experts. You had no reason to believe that the doctor was doing anything but the best for him. You did the best you could with the information you had at the time. What I am saying is that YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME.

 

This would have been my response to this topic but It wasn't in a timely manner. So I chose not to derail the thread with my tardiness.

 

“2nd guess the choices” My wife “Trish” fought cancer for 16 years. 16 years of “choices”. During her last reacourance and after she had passed. I to reflected on 16 years of choices and 25 years of career paths(should I have been a doctor instead of an engineer?). All the if a, would a, could a, should a’s. In the end It is what it is, and I have to deal with it. Doesn't make it any easier but it is my reality now. Reflecting is normal for the sain.

 

Autocharge (moving forward”new normal”)

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Who comes First?

Well I'm on the road again (business trip). This Time in York Pennsylvania for a week.

I'm at a facility having some training meeting people for the first time. When the conversation turner's to my job description, more to the point about me going overseas for 3 years. I get asked the question are you married? I hesitated and I started thinking do I say “no I've got a girlfriend or do I tell a complete stranger that I lost my wife almost 2 years ago and get the sympathy from a stranger. Then I thought I don't want to dishonor her “my wife”, in anyway. Which is better, I'm talking to a stranger telling them I lost my wife 2 years ago or I got a girlfriend both are true. How does it sound if I tell them both? What does it say about me? Why am I hesitating? I'm a widower with a girlfriend. Who comes first my wife or my girlfriend?

I told him I was Widower I lost my wife 2 years ago , and I took the sympathy. Didn't mention my girlfriend. What does that say?

 

Autocharge (moving forward”new normal”)

Ps : Does anyone know of something I should try to see or do while I'm here?

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No matter how you choose to word it is fine.  You are right, there are different considerations.  If you don't want to get into it at all and aren't comfortable getting sympathy from a stranger, just answer, "No".  You don't owe anyone an explanation.  It's not a matter of putting your late wife first or your girlfriend first, both are deserving of respect and a place in your heart.  You could answer, I lost my wife two years ago and am making my way through this, which is true.  

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On 1/24/2018 at 12:38 PM, KayC said:

No matter how you choose to word it is fine.  You are right, there are different considerations.  If you don't want to get into it at all and aren't comfortable getting sympathy from a stranger, just answer, "No".  You don't owe anyone an explanation.  It's not a matter of putting your late wife first or your girlfriend first, both are deserving of respect and a place in your heart.  You could answer, I lost my wife two years ago and am making my way through this, which is true.  

Kayc, You are correct

On a side note. I made it out to Gettysburg today. What can I say, wow. I highly recommend it, go If you get the chance.

Just a few pics I took with my cell phone.

Autocharge

 

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I had family there, way back...I am related to Ben Franklin.  I always found history of immense interest, we can learn a lot from it.

I'm glad you're enjoying your trip!

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The 2nd Cruise

I just got back from my second civilian cruise and yes Carla went with me .It was a great cruise. I had lots of fun, I'll post a few pictures after I'm done typing. This Cruise stopped in Key West Florida the Bahamas, Freeport and Nassau then back to Galveston . It was a 7 day cruise I even participated in a synchronized swimming contest against the ladies and the guys won. So now I have a  meddled to show for my humiliation and the great fun that everyone enjoyed at my expense. Carla and I also went parasailing and swam with the dolphins it was great . Once again I put on 10 lb in 7 days the food is just way too good . Now I'm going to spend the next three months trying to lose the weight, get back down to pre-cruise weight . This Cruise took place during my wife's birthday February 6th I didn't know what day of the week it was until I signed a release form for the parasailing. Then it hit me, but I was okay with it and still had fun the rest of the day. It didn't hit me as hard as it did last year . Carla and I would meet people in the hot tub or in the swimming pool and we would start chit-chatting and they were amazed at our story or our situation it was interesting to see how people reacted . Many people assumed we were married after finding out that we weren't some would pick on us ask us if we were going to get married it was fun . Carla would talk about her husband or I would say something about my wife people would get the strangest looks on their face they just couldn't figure it out at first .  I remember my first cruise, I posted about it on here sometime back it was such a lonely cruise for me however this Cruise was not, thanks to Carla .

 

Autocharge (moving forward “new normal”)

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autocharge

everything you are sharing is what I (we) need to hear.  Thank you.  The emotions, the grief, the flareups, the its time "I should"  Everything I've been questioning. as you and others and books say....  There are no definite answers.  I use to move toward solutions and compromises and definite answers.  everytime I attempt to tackle this grief with those approaches I fail and bounce back. There is no way out but to feel and take baby steps into the unknown.  I think I should  be out joining groups, doing volunteer work, meeting new people.  I'm just not ready and I have to trust me I feel it might be time.       I often don't feel connected even when friends reach out.  I only want my partner. Today I see a therapist again and often wonder if that is what I "should" be doing.  Next week I try 2 support group options and see if one fits even just a little bit,  I guess we just keep moving into the unknown with our sadness and loss.  I'm only 5 months into this.  Your reaching out and sharing hit many real points we at all facing,,,keep posting,,,,

I'm in the middle kind of where Azipod posted his status....still much grief deep pain though

your pictures give us light and hope!!!  They are beautiful Autocharge...your new normal is so encouraging.

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