Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Autocharge my Experience


Autocharge

Recommended Posts

  • Members

Hi AC,

I heartily agree with Ace here. I wouldn't worry too much about the length of their first meeting. Dinner sounds like a perfect setting for such introductions. You'll have a 'captive' audience, it's a comfortable, public place where people are relaxed, and there is always the distraction of the meal. Conversation doesn't have to be about your 'status' as a couple at all - just ice breaking and getting to know each other. As long as those 'southern manners' are observed, it should not be uncomfortable for anyone.

In fact, I am doing the very same thing tomorrow night. My daughters will meet her sons for the first time, a big night for us. I am 99% certain it's going to be a fantastic evening!

Happy for you, AC!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 631
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Autocharge

    263

  • KayC

    157

  • KMB

    55

  • Gail 8588

    27

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Moderators
On 6/20/2017 at 6:37 AM, Autocharge said:

I officially have a girlfriend now.

 

dancing-snoopy-happy-dance-1542582.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
5 hours ago, 4Hdad said:

My daughters will meet her sons for the first time

4Hdad, Keep me posted please. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
17 hours ago, Autocharge said:

KayC, you crack me up :) 

If I can bring anyone a smile here, it's a good day! :D

4Hdad, please update us when there's something to update!  I hope all goes well with the meeting!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

4Hdad and Autocharge--- I have much respect for you both in finding that inner strength, the courage, the meaning of life and living, in moving forward into new relationships. I sincerely hope you both the best! You give hope to others who might have the desire to make that kind of choice, that it is possible to pass on the gift of love after a traumatic loss.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Crossing the Bridge, introducing the grilfriend to the family II

 

Well I didn’t have a week and a half like I thought. Life moves fast remember. My daughter's situation took a turn for the worse and she had to move out last night. So I put together some family members and made a midnight run. The dinner thing seems to be the best idea, so I’m going with it. Maybe in a couple of days no rush. Life in my house just went from being alone to being complicated. My daughter has made some bad discussions with college and money/scholarships. Now she is home until she can straighten everything out. I hope she gets a job soon. :) 

 

Autocharg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
7 hours ago, KayC said:

You're a good dad!  :wub:

Well before I take too much credit. I’ll let it be known that I wouldn’t let my daughter bring her cat into my house. I can’t stand pet hair in the house. So she has put her cat out in a pin made for chickens in the barn. Everyone has their limits :) 

 

Autocharge

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Autocharge, I can commiserate with you on helping your daughter. My oldest moved back in the previous week. We will be parents forever and sometimes their lives are thrown in a loop and good ole dad or mom to the rescue. It does help ease the loneliness somewhat and provide some company and that much needed feeling of being needed!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

For now it may be a blessing.  When my daughter stayed with me after George died, it was a short few months but it helped me tremendously to have her in and out.  Kids tend to not hang around home much esp. with old grieving folks, but just hearing them come in or seeing them pass through, it's human interaction.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Devil Cat

 

My son came up with the name “Devil cat” it’s true name is Furry. Yes this is the cat that I wouldn’t let in my house. What I failed to mention was on the night of the big move the cat bit me when I was trying to put it in the travel cage. As a result of this bite I have just spent the last 3 days in the hospital due to an infection. It turns out that cat bites are vary prone to infections. So over the last 3 days I have had more antibodies pumped into me then ever before in my entire life time. I really don't like cats now that's for sure. I still can't make a fist with my left hand and the doctors say it could be another week before the swelling is completely gone.

I have made plans to have a dinner where my kids get to meet Carla Thursday (tomorrow). I’ll post after I get a feel of how it went, could be a day or two.

 

Autocharge(moving forward “new normal”)

Ps beware of cat bites!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

OMG yes be careful!  Over the past several months my cat has bit my arms 3 different times. I ended up on mega antibiotics each time and the last time was the added bonus of a tetanus shot!  He's really my daughters cat but she's away at college. I think that's why...he's mad that she's not here and he's stuck with me!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Autocharge, 

Good luck today!

HHFaith,

Re: mad cat, I have one too, I love her to pieces but God she is grumpy!  She tore into me last week...she had some Poop stuck in her butt, running through the house, I had no choice but to try and catch her and wipe her down, but she clawed into me in at least 12 different places, dug deep!  I probably should have gotten a tetanus shot!  Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have my head examined owning her, but I do love her...

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Oh no!  I had to do the poop stuck thing too a couple times recently. Isn't that fun?!  He's a crazy cat but I do have to admit he has been comforting through all this. It's nice to have something to come home too, even a devil cat!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
6 hours ago, HHFaith said:

even a devil cat!!

HHF, you cracked me up . Thanks LoL

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Autocharge

Crossing the Bridge, introducing the grilfriend to the family III

 

We had dinner like I had planned. It went well, everybody acted normal with normal conversation. The kids didn’t ask a lot of questions.  The results were, well their wasn't any results. I didn’t get a read , good or bad from the kids. So the next day Carla was invited over to watch a couple of movies in the afternoon. Remember the old “couch” concerns I had? I was holding my breath on this one let me tell you. So Carla shows up , I step outside to greet her, my daughter gets up to pick up some messes around the house that I had asked her earlier in the day to pick up. We go inside and settle in to the couch, and carla choose the set next to me. Not the set to my right that was my wife's but to my left , my daughter's seat. We started the movie and my daughter chose not to spend the evening with us but instead in her room playing a game on her computer, not unusual. My son did watch the movies with us. That was the evening. The next day I had the opportunity to speak with my kids individually about carla. I asked what they thought of her. Both said she was “ok”. I still didn’t have a good read on how my kids felt. So I decided to jump into the frying pan with both feet and see where this is going to go. So this past Saturday my parents had their annual get together for the “4 of july” cookout and fireworks. Most of my friends and family would be their , I took carla. Some of them I hadn’t seen since my wife passed last year. I had told carla this, she was as nervous as I was. It was a good time everyone was nice and they did poke and prod her a little you know “ 20 questions” get to know her kind of thing. Carla interacted well with my Family and they all liked her. We were invited out to my brothers boat slip at the lake yesterday “sunday”. We went and my daughter was their with us, my son returned to college. We all spent the afternoon together. As you can see it’s been a busy weekend and I still don't know what to think , on how my kids feel about things. All I can do is to continue to watch for signs of emotions from my kids. This feels like uncharted waters. It keeps you on edge and up late at night.

 

Autocharge (moving forward”new normal”)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

The fact that you are showing so much concern for your kids through this is amazing and will go a long way in easing this transition for everyone. BUT, keep in mind that even if there are people in your family or circle of friends that have a hard time with this you have to consider YOUR feelings too. Don't lose sight of how you feel and how you want this to progress. Too often we put our concerns on the back burner. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi AC, it sounds like you are on a great path. I'm finding the very same questions and situations coming up in my new relationship as well. Yes, this is uncharted territory we're in, so we should expect for there to be some learning as we go. I think the key for us - and the challenge - is to be open to it while balancing the feelings and needs of our children, our new significant other, and ourselves. Finding that balance may be simple for some and difficult for others, but it sounds like both of us are on the right tack. I'm happy for you, AC! :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Autocharge
2 hours ago, 4Hdad said:

I think the key for us - and the challenge - is to be open to it while balancing the feelings and needs of our children, our new significant other, and ourselves.

4Hdad, I agree we are in the same "boat" however we are at different ends of the "boat". My kids are mostly grown ( 22 and 21). I do believe your younger kids pose more of a concern and caution. Then again maybe it’s just the parent in me being protective of small children. I believe it is important for the readers of this thread take note in the differences and similarities in our present situation. Yes we are both in uncharted waters. I was glad to see your post and look forward to your postings. "MAY THE FORCE BE WITH US" ( or schwartz)lol. 

Autocharge (moving forward "new normal")

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

It must have been very hard for Carla, it can be very awkward and uncomfortable under the circumstances, but it sounds like you and your family were welcoming and that makes such a difference.  It is good to be alert to the kids' feelings, but also not to discount your own.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Autocharge

Crossing the Bridge, Moving into a Relationship

 

I have been spending a lot of time with Carla. Carla and I had come to the point where we both wanted to take our dating to a relationship with intimacy. We are both grown adults with homes. It didn’t feel right to sneak off to a hotel or conceal our relationship. We decided it was time to spend the night together but before doing so I wanted to check with my daughter for she is living at home now. This could have been a very big problem if my daughter had any problems with me having another woman in “our bedroom (my wife and I)” or even me being with a woman. So Carla came over to watch a movie. I got the feeling things were going good between Carla and my daughter. They were talking and laughing and had found some common interest in TV series. They even picked on me a little with “ girl power”. So I had a moment alone with my daughter and that's when I asked her. “ I have asked Carla to stay the night, do you have any concerns about this? Are you ok with this?”. My daughter replied with “ It’s ok”. I was surprised and relieved. But that quickly turned into what do I do now. It was time to go where I had a lot of questions that I had no answers to. Emotions pulling me in both directions. The night is over Carla has gone to work and I’m writing this now. I’m happy , will it last?, I’m looking at an unknown future now. The First relationship after my 22 years of marriage. I’m ok with it, I don’t feel like I’m taking any thing away from the love I have for my wife for she is apart of me just as much as my kids are apart of me. Nothing can ever change this. I’m starting to feel excited again. This is a good thing. Is "normal" within my reach? I am crossing a “Bridge”. I’m not across it yet but I am definitely on the “Bridge”.

 

Autocharge (moving forward “new normal”)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

I'm glad things are going well for you.  It's so much more complicated with kids, isn't it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Autocharge, I am also glad that your new relationship is going well for you.  Your daughter is a young adult and it appears she has adjusted to her and your new life and is comfortable with Carla.  I cannot get any better than that!

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Autocharge
On 6/22/2017 at 2:51 PM, KMB said:

You give hope to others who might have the desire to make that kind of choice, that it is possible to pass on the gift of love after a traumatic loss.

KMB, Thank you

That is one of the goals for posting in the manner in witch I do. "hope to others"

Sorry for the delayed response things have been moving fast here lately.

Autocharge

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Autocharge
On 7/4/2017 at 9:11 AM, KayC said:

It must have been very hard for Carla, it can be very awkward and uncomfortable under the circumstances

KayC, It looks like the shoe will be on the other foot soon. Carla and I are making plans for me to meet her side of the family (a portion of it anyways). She has a niece's graduation to attend at the end of the month. So it will be my turn to play 20 questions. Can I do it without breaking down? What do I do about the wedding rings that I had recasted into one? I were it on my right hand all the time. It reminds me of my wife and 22 years of marriage along with the birth stones of the four family members.

 

Autocharge

20161130_170236.jpg

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

I see no reason to stop wearing your ring.  You've altered it and I'm sure it took on new meaning when you added the birth stones.  It'd be something to discuss with her, of course, but honestly, those years are a part of who you are now, whether you wear the ring or not doesn't take away from your history and what you've learned from it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I agree. Keep wearing the ring. It is special. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My side of the PM from 4Hdad. With 4Hdad's permission .

 

4Hdad, You may be right to some extent but I wish we could bring this happiness to everyone.

As Ive stated before “I want my postings to help people in some way.” I have read your post with great interest and please remember It’s in my nature to analyze everything sometimes I’m right other times I have been wrong(not often :)LOL ) It is amazing to read your words expressing excitement about your new found Love. My wife and I had an amazing marriage, I can only remember maybe a hand full of arguments but we never went to bed mad at each other. I don't know if I can find another love like that or not. For now what I got with Carla is making me happy and that is enough for now. I’m starting to find my motivation again. This past week I’ve gone over to the shop and started fixing and cleaning up things that have been neglected for a long time. Having her around is changing my behavior. At the end of the day she always ask “ How was your day or What did you do today?” just those two questions have motivated me because I want to have something to say, when I talk with her. When you think about it . Is the answer to motivation really that simple? I can't count the number of days I was looking for the answer and couldn’t find it.

 

Autocharge

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
3 hours ago, Autocharge said:

At the end of the day she always ask “ How was your day or What did you do today?” just those two questions have motivated me

You have someone in your life now, who cares about you in the manner of your wife's caring. It is amazing how one person's words that tug at our heart, can lift and motivate us. I am truly happy for you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
2 hours ago, KMB said:

You have someone in your life now

"If someone takes the time to have intrest in me , I want to be interesting for them." by Autocharge

It sounds good but I'm not sure what the meaning behind it is. LoL

Autocharge (moving forward "new normal")

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
3 hours ago, Autocharge said:

It sounds good but I'm not sure what the meaning behind it is

Sometimes, words don't have to have a meaning. It is the feelings they invoke.:)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
15 hours ago, Autocharge said:

"If someone takes the time to have intrest in me , I want to be interesting for them." by Autocharge

It sounds like a good quote, worthy of remembering!

As for being analytical...I remember as a child my sister getting mad at me and saying, "Oh Kay, you're so analytical!!"  Yeah?  And that's a BAD thing?  I always thought it was a GOOD thing!  I guess that's when I learned you can be analytical to a fault, but nevertheless, it's who I am, I don't think I can change it. ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Crossing the Bridge, Moving into a Relationship II

I just got back from kayaking down the kichimi river in oklahoma ( 8.5 miles). Carla and I had a blast we were the only ones on the river today. I did get sun burned but not too bad I hope. We got back to my house and she cooked dinner. I’m going to try to get out my RV tomorrow, it’s been over two years since it’s been out. No telling what kind of troubles I’m going to have. It would be nice if I could get it together and be able to go camping this Sun-Tue. Listen to me , I’m starting to sound like i’m doing things again. This is such a good place to be. When doing these things with Carla, yes I have thoughts of my wife, I will always have thoughts of my wife, I wouldn’t want it any other way. When Carla and I talk we sometimes use the words “ My Husband” or “ My Wife” when telling of a life experience that we had in the past. We both understand were the other is coming from and it doesn't bother us at all. This type of understanding is critical. Relationships with people that are widowed/widower are complicated, but with understanding it can be accomplished. Enough of my “Doctor Phil” rant. LoL

 

Autocharge (moving forward “new normal”)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

You are right, I would think it'd be much easier to have that with someone else who has been through it.  Sometimes when a widower strikes up with someone divorced, the divorced person gets jealous of the deceased because they cannot understand what they have not been through.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
10 hours ago, Autocharge said:

Relationships with people that are widowed/widower are complicated, but with understanding it can be accomplished.

I'm glad you and Carla had a great time kayaking! I feel relationships only get complicated when allowed to. But, you are right. A relationship with a widow/widower can be accomplished with understanding. The empathy and compassion are already built in. We know the pain of loss, so we treat relationships more carefully, with more thought and feeling.

If you do manage to get your RV road ready and go camping, have an enjoyable time!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
darkshadowgirl

This is very encouraging to me too read your stories. That love after loss is possible again. It gives me hope that maybe I can have a happy life again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
On 6/23/2017 at 8:57 AM, Autocharge said:

I hope she gets a job soon. :)

My Daughter

My daughter now has two jobs. First one at McDonalds and the other at UPS. She gets 4 to 5 hours off between jobs , twice every twenty four hours. I hope this is what it takes for her to get it together again. I will never understand why she made the decisions that she did. I can only hope she is a stronger person now because of it. She had to learn family is their for helping and not their to give her everything. It was very hard not to bail her out of the mess she had gotten into. Fortunately I don't think there will be any permanent damage. Just to be clear this was all about Money. There was no sex, drugs, or braking the law issues. She is a good kid just made some bad decisions and let her grades drop.

 

Autocharge

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
48 minutes ago, darkshadowgirl said:

This is very encouraging to me too read your stories. That love after loss is possible again. It gives me hope that maybe I can have a happy life again.

Darkshadowgirl, Thanks for your comment it means a lot to me.

In my posting I have my up’s and downs. I think it is important to post it the way it is. After all it’s life , and we all know it’s not always a bed of roses.

 

Autocharge (moving forward “new normal”)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hello Autocharge. Generally I am a proponent of the tough love approach. Although we do not discuss it much on this board, children can experience significant difficulties with the death of a parent. I encourage you to arrange for a few visits with a psychologist for your daughter. I have encountered, in a professional capacity,  more than several women in their 70's and 80's who were still having major issues related to the death of their mother when they were in their late teens. This is an issue that may need to be handled as best as possible because her behavior may be grief related and adequate support and stress relief and treatment if needed is important for her at this time. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

AC,

I heave read your entire thread tonight. It gives me hope that maybe at some point I can feel happiness again. Not necessarily because I have met someone but just to be able to feel happy again would be enough for me. Thank you.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
9 hours ago, Dian said:

AC,

I heave read your entire thread tonight. It gives me hope that maybe at some point I can feel happiness again. Not necessarily because I have met someone but just to be able to feel happy again would be enough for me. Thank you.

 

Dian, That was a lot of reading. Thanks for your comment it means a lot to me.

 

I would like to help as many people as possible. Being a first time reader, Do you have any suggestions on how I can make this thread better? I know it is getting quite long. I have tried to put a table of contents embedded in the attachments. I’v done my shear of Technical manual / Test procedure writings in the past but this is different.

 

Open question to anyone. How do I make this thread better?

 

Autocharge

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
On 7/14/2017 at 10:11 AM, KMB said:

If you do manage to get your RV road ready and go camping, have an enjoyable time!

Ok , I survived three days in the RV.

1 left side blinker fixed

2 right side blinker replaced ( cows rub on everything)

3 wiring for lights fixed ( old goats eat everything, issue)

4 replaced all four tires ( lost tread on one going down the highway)

5 replaced molded plug on main electric cord.

6 replaced two Ac vent covers in the ceiling.(broke when I touched them, old plastic)

7 had to clean plug for trailer lights. ( dirt dobbers nest)

8 replace water hose.

9 buy new water filter

10 made wall mount for Tv

 

I think that's it. Shes ready to go now. In two weeks I hope to take her to Waco for the Little League Baseball® Southwest Regional Tournament . 7 days and 14 games. This is what retirees do. LoL Not looking forward to the Texas heat.

 

Autocharge

Ps. Carla was a good sport with all the problems I had with the Rv. We did have a good time on the lake with my cousins boat and our kayaks.

lake.mov

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

I hope you have a great time!  I guess all that work you did is another reason I haven't camped since George died.  I can't even lift a generator!  He did all that stuff, I did the cooking.  I'm glad you have someone to go with you. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Autocharge, Hope you and Carla have an awesome time. All of the RV repairs are worth it. My husband and I used to watch the Little League Tournaments on tv. Those young kids are so talented at baseball. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

Copy and past from 4Hdad thread for comments.

 

   16 hours ago,  4Hdad said: 

I'm willing to risk it for her.

4Hdad, good to hear from you. You do sound happy and that is important. Your words “I'm willing to risk it for her.”   Provoked some thought on my part. I see Carla every day now. She's had a lot of time off here lately but that is going to change with her new job ( Mon - Thur 8-6) which starts in Aug.  I like her and she is a good woman. To be clear she is putting now pressure on me at all. By now you and everyone on this forum know I analyze everything that includes me. LoL  Reality check I've only been seeing her for a month and a half now. I've meet her son , not her daughter. Plan on meeting some of her relatives next weekend. She continues to surprise me , she is so different then my wife I can't count the number of ways she is. I'm a very caring man I love to help where and when I can. It's odd I find myself wanting to protect all the material things that my wife and I worked so hard for. example I would have a problem if Carla says (let's go home) meaning my home. What does that say about how I feel? I'm like a child protecting my Toy Box. Point is I'm not "willing to risk it for her" at this point. Maybe I think I've got to much to risk. Maybe it's not the material things but it's my emotions I'm not willing to risk. It's funny I faced my emotions and fears when it came to fighting the loneliness. It doesn't make any sense to me right now. I've never thought past the idea of “finding someone”. I can see that I still have a lot of issues to work on.

 

Rant over.

Thanks again 4Hdad for spurring my thought train. 

 

Autocharge (moving forward”new normal”)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Watching Tv or movies.

C&P from 5 Surprising Truths About Grief

I'm so sensitive it's like a few layers of my skin have been peeled off”

 

I to find myself with discuss when I see Hollywood pulling at the hart strings of the audience. They have no idea , and bam 20 minutes later in the show all is well. I know it makes for good money. But it just hurts to see it. All the memories, all the times of holding my breath, the stress. I didn't much care for dramas in the past but now I do my best to avoid them. It’s like they are trying to tell my story for me. I go to the movies to escape reality not to be reminded of it.

 

Sorry for my downer post. This is just one of the many thoughts I've had this past year. It did feel good to put it into words.

 

Autocharge (moving forward “new normal”)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
On 7/20/2017 at 9:44 PM, KMB said:

Autocharge, Hope you and Carla have an awesome time. All of the RV repairs are worth it. My husband and I used to watch the Little League Tournaments on tv. Those young kids are so talented at baseball. :)

Thanks KMB

I've got today and tomorrow to pack the trailer for the trip to Waco. Tune into the games you might see me , I’ll be the one with a baseball cap on. LoL

 

Autocharge

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.