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heatherD

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I just lost my husband due to sepsis. He went in to the hospital to have his kidney removed, came home for a few days and had to go back to get emergency surgery because his intestine ruptured. The last day I went to visit they told me he wasnt going to make it through the night and I should say good-bye. As they took him off life support I hugged him, held his hand and told him I loved him (through all the tears). I was completely shocked, he was only 44. I am completely devastated. I loved him so much, we spent every single day together, preferred to hang out with each other than anyone else, he was my best friend. Now I am so lost.

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I can relate. My wife was only 45 when I lost her. She left a hole in my life that nothing will ever fill. We had so many plans, so many hopes, so much time ahead of us.
It hurts and it will continue to hurt. But that only shows how deep the love really was.
I'm 6 months in and I'm trying to be grateful for the time we spent more than be bitter about the time we will not spend together. Not nearly successful at the time but that's all we can try.

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Hi, 

I can relate to your pain heatherD my wife also became a victim of sepsis on November 29th last year, after a emergency 11 hour operation to replace a aortic valve she was on all sorts if life support, she never really woke up and ten days later passed away. Shattering my life , changing everything that was before.

I live day to day heartbroken, devastated and lonely thinking about what might have been had it not been for that unheard thing, sepsis.

Seems a lot of people have succumb to this silent killer.

I grieve alone wit no support from anyone, family or friends, only those if us in the same predicament understand like yourself, how much we suffer losing our lived ones.

Take care your not alone .

My Bal was 49 years old, married for 23 short years.

Ravinder.

 

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My husband was also sedated and on a ton of life support. I was already missing him but now he's never coming home.

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2 minutes ago, heatherD said:

I was already missing him but now he's never coming home.

That's true in some way. On the other hand my wife always is home. I can feel her presence in all the rooms. I see her pictures on the wall and can't help but smile at her.
Even my stepdaughter, who never thought she could live in the house where her mother died, eventually moved back in and said she could still feel the warmth of her mom all around, It's hard, because we focus on what we've lost. But there's still a lot left that noone can ever take away from us.

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heatherD

I'm so very sorry for your loss - I know the pain you are experiencing only too well and the love you had for your husband.    It  must have been so difficult to say goodbye to someone who was your best friend, your world. I truly believe goodbyes are not forever; they are not the end - they simply mean that you will miss him until you are together again.   I feel it when you said you felt as if you were 'lost'.  It's call 'Grief' and and have come to believe it's really just love.  It's all the love you want to give but can't.  That unspent love that gathers up in the corners of your eyes, that lump in your throat, and that hollow part of your chest.  Grief is sometimes love with no place to go. 

Like you, my Charles and I were inseparable; married for almost 45 years, retired, we both look forward to the rest of lives together - no matter what we did - as long as we were together - was all that mattered.  My husband died from a massive heart attack, and while I am grateful he didn't suffer, I can't imagine living without him.  I am grateful for the number of years we shared together and I know you are as well.  I believe that because our husbands lived, our lives are better, richer and fuller.  My Charles was my best friend; my greatest supporter; my biggest comfort; my strongest protection; my sweetest smile; my deepest and only love; my everything; my world.  God I love and miss him like crazy.  The love I still have for him still is staggering. I can only imagine you feel the same.

As difficult as it is to accept, I know that death is not the end; but the beginning of eternal life.  It is simply walking out of the earthly form into the spirit realm, which is our true home - Heaven.  We're just going back there; that's what our husbands did - they just went ahead of us. I know I'll see my Charles again, but this time, it will be forever.   Imagine an eternal life of love and peace with our husbands - talk about Amazing.  

 

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heatherD---I am sorry for the tragic loss of your husband. I understand the pain, loneliness and empty void. We all do here. This forum is the only place where others truly understand our grieving. Prayers and hugs. Keep posting when you feel the need.

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heatherD,

I am so sorry.  You know the pain we've all been through, it's hard.  It really does help to come here and know you're heard and understood.  My husband was barely 51, I was blindsided by losing him.  It won't stay in this intensity, little by little it evolves and we adjust, but oh how hard that beginning was.  We're here with you.

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Dear Heather,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is unbearable.

I too have the same questions. I know its not easy. But you did the best you could with the information you had. How could you know things would turn out like this? No one could.

Thinking of you. Sending you love and hugs during this very difficult time.

 

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We all think the what ifs and guilt is normal in grief.  It's based on feeling not facts though, the truth is, none of us could have known how things would go and would have done anything for them.

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So many "what ifs." I'm trying not to think that because I know there's nothing that'll bring him back but it's so difficult. 

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heatherD, The *what ifs* are hard to get out of our mind. It is just how the mind works. We wish we could back back in time and do things differently that could have changed the outcome.  All we can do is shut those thoughts down right away, try to focus on something more positive or an activity like going for a walk and focusing on nature or, as in my case, hauling out the vacuum, working the negative thoughts out of my system.

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On 3/27/2017 at 2:48 PM, heatherD said:

I'll try because it's tearing me apart 

I know it is.  Me too.  But at the of the day, try not to focus on what's tearing you apart, but what's holding you together. This pain that's tearing you apart won't last forever. The hurt will diminish somewhat and you will overcome your agony.  We will be led out of the darkness into the Sunshine.  Stay Strong and God Bless

 
 
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