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Advice on business related issues


Bobbers

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I'm trying not to sound like a broken record and I really appreciate the help.  I didn't realize all the things that needed to be done after someone dies. I'm 36 and my husband really took care of me, so right now I feel like a baby and have no idea what to do with my life. I've had serious anxiety and depression, add, OCD, and I disassociate. My husband was a combat veteran. His family is far away, I live in isolation pretty much and my mom lives an hour away. I'm having a hard time trusting anyone including my mother. I am telling you these things just to kind of give you a background story on me if that helps at all.  My question is what kind of things need to be done or checked on after someone dies.  I am getting so much conflicting advice from everyone.  My mom wants me to spend all day tomorrow at probate court, but we have no assets or a death certificate. He was on disability for ptsd. I've talked to the va and filled out an application for survivor benefits but I can't finish it until I get the death certificate. I'm scared at this point I will be homeless and lose our stuff. I paid the rent this month, have been here two years and never been late on the rent. When I called to tell my landlord the situation he told me pay in two days or get out. I live in New Mexico if that helps.the funeral was very helpful at first but one I paid them the last of my money they are less than helpful. I'm completely overwhelmed and lost. I slept in very late today and got nothing done and feel very guilty. I have people telling me I need to empty my bank account because it can be frozen but I currently have 200$ in it. I know everyone in here is going through the same terrible thing. I just need help from people who have done it. I feel like Ian losing my mind.  Thank you!

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I'm a military wife, my husband was in the Army. Go to your local VA office and tell them you need help with any benefits that you may be entitled to and they will assign you a person that will help you get everything you can and always able to reach. It is a hard road, with the emotions but if yoy can handle that part, it gets easier. I didn't do anything I was supposed to when he died and it took me a very long time emotionally to deal with anything military related and I truly wish I could have had the strength to take care of that bc I swear I've been homeless for no other reason than, I didn't handle my business. So please go. Go online and download the VA handbook. It answers a lot in the mean time. 

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I have a few connections, so explain to me why there isn't death certificate, and I'll try to get you some answers in the next few hours

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I asked the medical examiner to do an autopsy and I have been asking the funeral what is taking so long since they are responsible for it and they have been telling me they aren't sure or they will find it. I called the medical examiner and they said it would take 5 to seven days. That was last Wednesday. And I don't have a lot of strength or am stronger than any one my drain is not processing he is not gone yet. I appreciate everyone's help and I am sorry that you have to go through this also.  Thank you so much

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Bobbers,

Did you ever talk to your bank about whether it can be frozen?  I have never heard of a bank account being frozen where both your names are on it.  
Contact the attending physician and ask if they've signed the death certificate.  You should be able to get one through Vital Statistics in your state.

If you don't have any assets, I don't see the need for probate court.  I didn't go through probate because he didn't have assets, everything was mine before we married and I remortgaged my house to pay his hospital, doctor, and ambulance bills.  

With only $200 to your name, you might want to go ahead and just take it out if you're worried.  Do you have a job, income?  If not, you might want to stay with a friend or relative until you can get one.  I don't know if you're entitled to survivor's benefits, I don't know how long you were married, but you can contact the social security office for an appt. to talk with them about it.  You may need the death certificate before you can proceed, they should be able to let you know if you call them.

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We have been married for 13 years and have a son together. They said I'm eligible for survivor benefits or DIC. And his last disability check for the month he died. I will know on Monday about the temporary death certificate as I will not get the real one for 90 days. I do not have a job right now. I'm barely functioning. My last job I did home healthcare my people died and it really affected me, so I was looking into something else besideds CNA Work.

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Bobbers---I wish i could help you. Your situation sounds so heart breaking since you have limited resources. All I can do is pray and ask God to send you blessings and comfort.

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7 hours ago, KMB said:

Bobbers---I wish i could help you. Your situation sounds so heart breaking since you have limited resources. All I can do is pray and ask God to send you blessings and comfort.

Thank you, I know it must seem weird that two weeks after my husband died I'm worried about money.  Right now I am scared because it's like I can't remember him and I've been with him from 20 to 37 years. After this happened I was going never step in the place we've been renting for only ten years. I wanted my son to pack his stuff get in my car and drive. My son told me he wanted to finish the year at his school. I told him I would try out one night. I wasn't able to go in our room, but I slept on his floor. It's been two weeks and I'm starting to go in our room, but I can't sleep in there. I actually feel comfortable here, even without him here. I've been cleaning and decorating a little. I'm worried I will never want to leave this trailer because it feels  like I'm leaving him and all our memories here. I am learning to take it day by day and not to worry about little things. Anything that happens can't be worse than this. I picked up his ashes and started to cry and I had to stop and leave the funeral home. I know it's not healthy to avoid feelings but it's something I've always done and I've never had feelings this intense in my life. I'm scared that this shock will just suddenly wear off one day and I have no idea how it will affect me. I've had depression and anxiety almost my entire life and I have learned what to expect and how to see it coming. My husband knew and would force me to get out of bed and go on a walk. I can't put that responsibility on my son. The last 2 days it has been so hard to wake up it literally feels like I'm wearing weights. It is the strangest feeling. I forgot to mention when I brought the urn home I felt better. My son has been collecting his stuff and made a shrine in his room with his urn and pictures. Sorry I kind of lost track where I was going with this but. I don't want to be homeless but if I have to live in a shelter in all reality it can't get worse. My friend started a go fund me page, but with a different company that charges less, so I was able to get an urn and pay rent next month. 

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Bobbers,

It doesn't sound weird at all!  Unfortunately, finances ARE an issue.  I had $120 in my account when my husband died.  Somehow I've gotten by.  I remember after he died, I went to my budget (in an Excel spreadsheet) and deleted his income in the months across it, and red figures appeared at the bottom (in the hole)...my daughter was looking over my shoulder and knew my concern and she said, "Don't worry, Mom.  God will take care of you, he's always taken care of me!"  To hear that from my daughter who was a young adult, 22, really encouraged me.

I, like KMB, pray God's blessings upon you.

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Bobbers----Keep praying. Between God and your husband watching over you, you will find the strength and resources to continue on. This is a tough journey. You and your loving son have each other to lean on for support. God's work was in play when your friend started the go fund me page.

You will be alright. Baby steps. One day at a time. (HUGS)

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On 3/26/2017 at 7:28 AM, KayC said:

Bobbers,

It doesn't sound weird at all!  Unfortunately, finances ARE an issue.  I had $120 in my account when my husband died.  Somehow I've gotten by.  I remember after he died, I went to my budget (in an Excel spreadsheet) and deleted his income in the months across it, and red figures appeared at the bottom (in the hole)...my daughter was looking over my shoulder and knew my concern and she said, "Don't worry, Mom.  God will take care of you, he's always taken care of me!"  To hear that from my daughter who was a young adult, 22, really encouraged me.

I, like KMB, pray God's blessings upon you.

Please trust me because I'm not trying to be rude when I say this. You said something about don't worry god will take care of you, where was god when your or my husband was dying. I've never been religious but I'm trying to find some meaning in anything at all. Why does god get praised for anything good happening, but he had nothing to do with the bad thimgs happen?  I'm only trying to find some religion so maybe I won't feel like life is pointless. Which I know believe it is pointless as everyday goes by I have less energy and no investment in trying? Why so it can happen again not interested in being a part of this stupid experience it sucks so mentally and physically exhausted I'm not making any sense I'm sorry

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I can't answer questions for you Bobbers that hasn't been answered for me.  I feel your anger, I can only say I'm sorry.  When I told about my daughter telling me God would take care of me, she was talking about my financial needs.  I was trying to pass on her encouragement, I'm sorry I upset you further.

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28 minutes ago, KayC said:

I can't answer questions for you Bobbers that hasn't been answered for me.  I feel your anger, I can only say I'm sorry.  When I told about my daughter telling me God would take care of me, she was talking about my financial needs.  I was trying to pass on her encouragement, I'm sorry I upset you further.

You didn't upset me. I have been told a lot trust God he will help you and I always have to ask why wasn't he helping my husband.  I want to believe he is near me and hasn't forgotten about me and he is happy, but all I've ever believed when you died is your dead there is nothing afterward. That comforted me but not now. I'm sorry if I was rude.

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18 hours ago, Bobbers said:

I have been told a lot trust God he will help you and I always have to ask why wasn't he helping my husband.

That's how I felt at times in the first year...I was praying when my husband died.  It's normal to feel some anger.  It took me a while to come to my own understanding of what works for me theologically.  I don't believe God "caused" it or it's "God's will" for people to die.  Without going into a lengthy complicated theological discussion, I've arrived at my beliefs through a complex thoughtful process.  The hard part for me was, well since God is all powerful, He could have stopped it but He didn't.  Why not!  I don't have an answer to that except I realize He knows more than I do about what might be had he lived, perhaps something even worse was averted.  What could be worse, you might ask?  I don't know...not sure I'd want to. At any rate, it is what it is, and rather than look at the why I have learned to focus on what do I do now.

18 hours ago, Bobbers said:

all I've ever believed when you died is your dead there is nothing afterward. That comforted me but not now.

I have found it helps to have hope and believe that there IS something more.  I always have believed that there is life after death, so it's not hard for me to have hope, but I have noticed that those who believe there is NOTHING after death really struggle with despondence.  That's why I try to encourage people to hope, believe, even if it's as small as a mustard seed, in what they do NOT "know", there ARE possibilities...believe in that.  It doesn't take being religious to recognize that there's so much we do not know...and to hope in that.  If I didn't have that hope...I don't even want to think where that would leave me.

(((hugs)))

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I was referred to a place that said they would write a check to my landlord and there is paperwork for me and him to fill out. They said I definitely have the money. He told me he doesn't want a check, he won't fill out paperwork, and he won't wait the two weeks it takes. I told him then he can just get the eviction process started pay the court costs and not get paid anything for this month. He seemed to lighten up, but he is trying to overcharge me every way he can. When I does evict me I can at least show the judge I had money towards the rent but he wouldn't take a check from them or fill out the w-9 form whatever that is

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You should report this to the agency that supplied you with the assistance. They can probably refer you to the appropriate local agency that deals with housing issues or a legal aid office. Most legal aid offices want cases like that. 

If you really wanted to give him a gift that kept on giving for years, perhaps a call to the lRS reporting that your landlord insisted on cash only, refused to take a support agency's check,  and refused to provide a W-9 could be made. 

A quick internet search indicated that there is a state agency that can provide short and intermediate term assistance to you. They may also assign you a coordinator. 

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On 3/30/2017 at 8:29 PM, AceBasin said:

You should report this to the agency that supplied you with the assistance. They can probably refer you to the appropriate local agency that deals with housing issues or a legal aid office. Most legal aid offices want cases like that. 

If you really wanted to give him a gift that kept on giving for years, perhaps a call to the lRS reporting that your landlord insisted on cash only, refused to take a support agency's check,  and refused to provide a W-9 could be made. 

A quick internet search indicated that there is a state agency that can provide short and intermediate term assistance to you. They may also assign you a coordinator. 

I do want a place to live and he doesn't seem to want to evict me even when I tell him to. Thank yo for the info 

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