How to exist without your dad

[mitchek15]

Hi,

I lost my dad very suddenly about a month ago, he was only 58. I am having a hard time accepting that he is really gone, that I will never be able to talk to him or hug him or have him walk me down the aisle ( I'm getting married in 3 months).

I feel like a pice of me died that day and that I will never be whole again. What makes it worse is that I am so worried about my mom that I don't think I can properly grieve since I have to be strong for her. We also lost my sister 9 years ago and this is just another huge blow to my family and I am not sure if we will make it past another devastating loss. 

How do you go on living knowing your dad ceases to exist? I am not a religious individual but I would like to think that his spirit is somewhere watching us (hard for me to believe in that but I want to). Any advice on how to help myself and my mom through this devastating time?

[ModKonnie]

Mitchek15,

I am so very sorry you lost your father. The best thing I found is for you to continue talking with your mom about your feelings and her feelings. Be there for each other. Share fond memories, cry and just don't be afraid to feel what you are feeling. Try to also surround yourself with friends and family who are supportive of you both. Don't be afraid to ask for help. 

When I am missing my father, I like to sit somewhere quiet and picture his face, his favorite place in the kitchen and his smile. I picture him talking to me about what is troubling me, and while it may sound crazy, sometimes I can almost hear him telling me what to do. That works for me.

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

[reader]

Dear Mitchek15,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your beloved dad. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the pain and sorrow is overwhelming.

I know its not easy to carry on without your dad. Its been 5 months for me and I still find it very hard. I try to ask myself what my dad would have wanted for me. And it helps a little. I keep taking it moment by moment, day by day. I force myself to get out bed even though there are days I just don't want to.

I have also tried everything from talking to a counselor, joining a support group, reading websites like What's Your Grief and The Grief Healing Blog, to help me understand my loss.

Thinking of you and your family.

[MissionBlue]

Dear Mitchek15,

Losing a beloved father is one of the hardest things in life.  My heart goes out to you and your mother.  I also have tried many ways to cope with the pain and sorrow of losing my father who was also my best friend.  I find it helpful to search for articles online about dealing with grief and simply sharing my feelings in forums like this one.  It is good that you will soon have a husband to help support you and your mother through this sad time.  Though no one can replace your dad, it really helps to have someone with you who loves you who isn't overwhelmed by the loss.  I think your dad would be happy to know that you and your mother are not completely alone. 

I hope the following article will be of some comfort to you:

https://www.awakentheguruinyou.com/blog/4-things-to-know-to-begin-to-accept-the-unacceptable-in-yourself-and-life.html

Take care and be patient with yourself, because it takes time to process deep grief.  However, death is a part of life, so our minds are equipped with what we need to recover from great loss.  Belief in the afterlife can be a great comfort, so this could be a good time to explore the subject of faith and spirituality.  I like to pray to God and ask him to give my dad all the happiness he deserves for being such a good person and a wonderful father to me.  I also give thanks that I had such a lovable father in my life. 

[reader]

Thank you Mission. I found the link very helpful.

[Jenla]

Kristy, 

you and I are in the same boat and I would love to speak with you.

Its unbearable enough that I've lost my father so suddenly to a heart attack, completely unexpected 5 months ago at 62 years old, but I too am getting married in two months.

i never ever ever considered the tradegy that I would not have my precious papi to walk me down the aisle and my heart and soul ache everyday.

Ive had some beautiful Spiritual experiences that have helped give me peace in knowing his spirit it safe and happy. I'd love to talk to you and hopefully we can help each other through a tough time.

The world beyond this one is powerful and 4-dimesional. We can't comprehend it because we are not of that world, but it exist. We can honor our fathers and listen carefully and intently to what they tell us from beyond.

much love and peace to you.

jenny

[The Girl]

I'm very sorry about your loss.  I lost my mom unexpectedly almost 2 months ago and it's been exceptionally difficult to accept those feelings and adjust to the finality of it.  

I'm only throwing this out there, b/c I'm certainly not in the right to tell you how to handle anything, but could you and your mom grieve together?  Everyone has different needs and a different process, so I can only speak for myself.  I've found this forum helpful b/c everyone is going through the same thing.  I avoid talking to anyone who hasn't gone through a significant loss, but at the same time, it helps to talk.  If you think your mom would be open to it, maybe offer your shoulder for her to cry on.  

The link missionblue shared makes some good points.  When I'm having an emotional day I try to hide out in bed with just tissues and my thoughts, and maybe the keepsakes box I made for my mom.  It can be hard finding enough alone time to really grieve...I personally hate when people ask me if I'm okay, when clearly I have no reason to be.  But I'm finding that by saying I need some space, I tend to get some privacy. 

[thelostchild]

I lost my father unexpectedly two months ago. 

I was not a religious person until then. I have always called myself a Buddhist, but never understood its teaching. For the past 1.5 months, I have been praying everyday for my father's soul. In Buddhism, we believe in reincarnation and leaving the human world is not a bad thing. I find comfort in knowing these. I keep praying in the hope that my father would reincarnate to a better place.

I also became a vegetarian. This is in line with Buddhism teaching and also I find lives is too precious to be taken away. Bonus- I have a smaller waist now.

[mills89]

@mitchek15 Im so sorry for your loss  I lost my dad too just over a month ago. He had just turned 54. 

I feel the same way you do, sometimes it feels impossible to carry on without him. I dont think there is a right way to know how to cope with this, or how to know how to feel ok without him. I also feel as if his spirit is somewhere else, maybe this is something i need to believe to, to try and get through it. 

I know the grief will come in waves, as im sure you are also aware of, but maybe when youre having a good moment, do something your dad would have liked. I went to the football on sunday (my dads favourite thing to do) and it made me feel the tiniest bit better.

As its still very raw and soon for both of us, I wont try to give you heaps of advice, because im new to this too and dont know what is best, but I will say that trying to do things he liked, listening to his favourite songs etc, will help to keep his memory alive in your heart.

xxxxxxx