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Working after sudden death


Mbrysonn

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It's been 8 months since my dad suddenly passed away. He had hip surgery and DVT Pulmonary Embolism is what took his life. He was only 63... My parents were divorced when I was 8, and my father took care of my brother and I our entire lives. It was all because of him.

I tried so hard to keep working after he passed away in August 2016. I took a week off and went back full time. I only lasted until the beginning of December, thats when I snapped and immediately quit. I took less than 3 months off, I had just started a new job a few weeks ago. Now my god mothers mother passed away (been family friends since before I was born) and her viewing was on my birthday. I was already upset because it's my first birthday without my dad who I spent it with every year the past 22 years, and now I have to go to viewing. It caused me to have a mental breakdown and I quit again. 

I can't seem to hold a job now, I'm not mentally stable. My husband keeps telling me its okay and that I need time... and he is very supportive of me. But I can't help but feel like such a piece of **** or a disappointment to everyone. I have always worked since I was 14. I always worked and went to school and now I can't seem to hold on to a job without making a fool of myself and leaving. My last job I just no called no showed. I have never had this behavior in my life. I can't help but to feel so helpless. 

I don't know what I'm even trying to ask. All I know is I'm not happy and I feel like I'm making it so hard are everyone especially my husband. I'm just so sad though, I cry out to him daily. I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. 

 

Can you guys share what happened after your parent passed? 

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Dear Mbrysonn,

I'm so sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathies and condolences on the passing of your cherished father. To lose your father so suddenly is devastating and very hard to understand. I know the pain and sorrow feels overwhelming. Please know we all grieve differently and there is no right way or wrong way. Grief is and can be overwhelming. It takes a long time for our minds and bodies to process what has happened. The shock can be too much. And having two important people pass in a short time is even harder to understand.

I know everyone is different, but if you want to, maybe consider talking to grief counselor, joining a support group or accessing other resources in the community. I find these other websites very helpful. What's Your Grief, The Grief Recovery Method, The Grief Healing Blog, GriefShare.Org and if you are looking for some inspiration Tiny Buddha.

My father passed away 5 months ago. It has been very hard. Grief has been like wave that comes and goes and knocks me down. I get back up for a little while and then it knocks me down again. I can't seem to accept that he really gone. I keep replaying what happened leading up to his death. I feel like I could have saved him. After the funeral and for a few months afterwards people checked in but that is mostly over now. This is why I am on this forum, it makes me feel less alone in my thoughts and feelings as I am still grieving.

Thinking of you. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

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@Mbrysonn I'm sorry for your loss.  I don't have any words of wisdom but I can sympathize with how you are feeling.  I lost my father back in December and went back to work three weeks later.  To me it felt immediate as I didn't take any time to grieve.  I am now struggling at work, don't really want to work, getting very frustrated at all the demands at work and keep feeling like I'm a failure.  I think about quitting daily but know it would not be a wise decision.  The only advice I can offer is just take each day as it comes.   It is important to take the time to grieve but it is also important to keep doing your best to meet your responsibilities as best as you can.  Some days you will feel stronger than others.  Its really important to pay attention to your body. Be kind to yourself but also don't allow yourself to fall too deep into depression and grief.  Its a very delicate dance.  If you feel you are going too deep into depression, then seek help from a support group, church or therapist.  

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It's hard trying to juggle both sides of yourself - the one that's supposed to go on like everything is normal, and the one who needs time to grieve.  I don't know what sort of work you do, but perhaps there's something you could do from home instead?  I know that doesn't work out for everyone, so I apologize it it was way off. 

My mom passed almost 2 months ago.  Up until then I was working towards creating my own business.  I work from home and can lean on my fiance financially, but my extra income helps, and starting my own business has been a direction I've needed to take for some time.  Then my mom passed and I gave up on it.  Mentally I can't focus on something so huge.  I do what's expected of me, and I do it quickly and during times I feel able to.  If I didn't have a job that was that undemanding of my time, I'd have quit.  

Some day are going to be trying.  But how can you predict that?  8 months isn't a lot of time considering the weight of your loss.  It may be unlike you to quit, but what you're going through right now doesn't define your character.  Bereavement days that you take off work really aren't enough time.  Your life has changed and it's going to take a long while to adjust to it.  It's not a mark against you.  It's just you trying to deal with the grief.  And I completely understand the burden of life going on around you when you're not ready to join it. 

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