Father not considering our pain and grief

[Misshereveryday]

it has been almost 2 years since my mom passed away from a 5 year battle with cancer at the age of 73. It was just as painful seeing my dad so heartbroken after her death. 10 months after her passing he started online dating and met a woman who he has now been dating for over a year. While I am happy for him, he has consistently been so inconsiderate to me and my siblings. We all live out of state. The first time my one sibling met her, she spent the night in my dad's bed on the 1st anniversary of my mothers death while my sibling and her small children were spending the weekend with my father. A few months later my family and I flew to spend the holiday weekend with my father and through phone conversations that week leading up to our visit with him it was clear that she was going to be spending the entire time at my dads house while we were there (she lives 20 mins away so to me the proper thing to do on meeting the first time would be to have dinner etc with her- not take over our entire weekend of us visiting with my father). Mind you they did not hold back on the affection, holding hands, goo goo eyes at dinner and only talking to each other like no one else was even there. Again- I am happy for him but I am still grieving and while he has someone who has helped him get over his grief, seeing this only adds to mine. I hosted thanksgiving at my house and had the 2 of them and she blurted out how her daughter and son would be moving into my dads house- I was in shock that my dad was not the one to tell me this and that it was just thrown out at me. Next- my mother had some very expensive jewelry which she specifically said that my sister and I would split. My sister and I just have not been up for taking care of this yet and so it is still in my fathers possesion. My father asked my sister and I if he could give his girlfriend my mothers engagement ring. I was so hurt that he would even ask this and I know he is not a bad person and just isn't thinking clearly. I explained to him that mom wanted us to have it, how would mom feel knowing you gave her ring to another woman, what if things with this woman didn't work out, how painful it would be to us seeing her wear our mothers ring. He got it and subject was dropped. A month later he admitted that he has let his girlfriend wear some of the very expensive pieces ($30k necklace) that were left by my mom for my sister and I. I sent him a note saying that I know he meant no harm but that it did not feel right and was disrespectful to mom. He didn't get it and saw no harm in what he had done. It just kills me that he doesn't consider our feelings. When I spend the money to fly to see him i want to spend some quality time with him and do not want to spend every minute with him and his girlfriend. I have told him that but she is still always there 24/7 and then they spring it on me that her kids are joining us etc. I really don't have any desire to meet her kids, get to know her family. I want to spend time with my dad and I am happy to spend time with her just not every minute of my visits. I am at the point now where I am just hurt by the way he has treated us and failed to realize how hard this is for all of us. I was devasted losing my mom, I was devasted seeing my dad hurting and now I am devasted that my dad doesn't care about how hard this is for me. I feel like my pain will never go away. It never gets easier, only harder and makes me miss my mom more than ever because if she was still here it wouldn't be like this. I feel like I have lost my father as well. 

[reader]

Dear Misshereveryday,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know you loved your mom very much and you are still grieving. I hear you. Its not easy seeing your father and his new girlfriend. I can imagine its very hurtful and painful. 

I know everyone grieves in their own way and no two people are the same. Even two years later there is still a lot of raw emotions with any loss. I would try and talk to your dad again. Let him know you love him and go from there. Tell him you feel like you are losing him. Let him know what you would like to see from him. Maybe try to have a family chat that also includes your sister as well.

Thinking of you.