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I have known my boyfriend for about 2 years now. We recently started dating. I thought we were moving way too fast. He was already looking at rings. I decided I needed some alone time and that I needed to be without a relationship for a little so I could work on myself. It also wasn't fair to him because I still have feelings for my ex. I do love my boyfriend dearly. I love him so much that's why i needed the break to be alone and focus on myself and my relationship with God. Now i just feel lost and depressed. I don't want to get out of bed to go talk to my therapist like i should. I feel so guilty and like this is all my fault. Everyone thinks its my fault and all i want to do is hurt myself hoping the pain will go away but it isn't. His sister thinks it's all my fault and I've never been this alone. I love and miss him like crazy and i take the stuffed bunny he got me for my birthday with me everywhere. I don't know what to do. It's all my fault. 

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I am so very sorry for the loss of your boyfriend. Being the one left behind from a loved one's suicide is a nightmare. The loss from an accident or illness they didn't choose to leave you.  A suicide they choose to leave us and we feel abandoned and tremendous guilt. Why didn't I see the signs? Was it something I said or didn't say?

First of all, you have a perfect right to work on you and your life. Sounds like you were being responsible. We should get to know ourselves before we bring a boyfriend or husband into our lives. Second, you are not responsible for his actions. Millions of people break up or argue each day and they don't choose suicide. There was a weakness or inability within himself to cope with issues, hardships or sadness. Whether he was born with depression, had alcohol, drug related or medication issues, it was still his decision. 

Your life has been turned upside down and changed forever. Please don't let his actions prevent you from living your life to the fullest, find your own self and one day find love again. His family is just hurting now and will for years, but one day they will realize it was not your choice but his. 

It will take a long, long time to begin to heal. Be good and kind to youself. Surround yourself with supportive friends and talk, cry and pray until you are exhausted and are done talking about it. Join a group, volunteer, get out of the house and keep busy. You now have great empathy for those that share your same pain and tragedy.

May God wrap his arms around you and give you comfort, peace and strength. Sincerely, Sherry. 

 

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I'm sorry for your loss. I've lost my boyfriend of 4 years myself 6 days ago. In my situation it was totally unexpected, last words he wrote were the words of love for me, and yet I also feel somewhat guilty for not saving him somehow.

What I'm trying to say is that this feeling is normal, when you lose someone so suddenly. What is not ok is to be left alone and to feel blamed and opposed by the world. Please do talk to people, who will just listen and not blame you. Don't stay one on one with your pain - it's an unfair fight. I also recommend finding strength in you to see your doctor - e.g. I really feel like only my therapist and the funeral that still hasn't taken place are holding me in this world.

Please take care and remember: It is no way your fault. He loved you, and this was his personal choice

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Kjayne   

I share your pain. I too lost my fiance two months ago. Living without him is unbearable. Knowing it is because of my circumstances that he died I am ridden with guilt and heartache and regret and the most pain I have ever felt in my life. I too sleep every night holding on to the stuffed teddy he bought me. I feel like I wont last long. I can't handle the depth of pain and regret I feel. Pleade let me know how you are. Has it got any easier. How you are coping. I'm so sorry

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