Didnt get chance to say goodbye

[Oliver]

My 8yr Cat Jess started to become ill last Friday, we noticed his breathing seemed harder and deeper than usual and he was starting to hide away behind things, we managed to get a last minute vet appointment at 6pm Friday evening.

They listened to his chest and were concerned with the sound on one side so recommended they x-ray him straight away which they did.he could see some fluid in the chest cavity between the lungs and the chest wall but not actually inside the lungs, he did a procedure to drain some of this fluid off and it was confirmed under the microscope it was infected and he diagnosed Pyothorax, although this is a serious condition he was reasonably stable and he sent him home later Friday evening with two different antibiotic courses and some anti inflammatorys hopeful it would be enough for him but did set the foundation that if not there was a more "aggressive" way to treat it but it would be very expensive, anyhow a review for Tuesday was booked in.

Saturday he was about the same stable with the breathing but hiding away and only half interested in food, Sunday he seemed worse still with the hiding away and only interested in the odd mouthful of tuna, by Sunday night I was more worried so we called the vet for advice, he felt that because his breathing was about the same and not worse not to be too worried and he was just sick from the infection, but told us to bring him in Monday morning earlier for a review.

I spent all of the weekend researching Pyothorax and soon reached the conclusion that allot of the time antibiotics is not enough and the pets usually die unless they have this treatment in which they place two drains into the chest cavity and drain and flush the infection out every 4 hrs or so while the cat is kept hospitalised for 5-7 days so ends up costing £1000 - £2000.

Monday morning came and amazingly he seemed better and had walked upstairs to sit in the spare bedroom window his fav place and had a good few servings of cat milk, we thought maybe antibiotics are starting to work but we would still stick to his vet appointment to get him checked so we took him in, when we got there the vet was still concerned as he had a temperature and his breathing was still not great even though he seemed a little better than the day before to us, I asked cost aside was this special treatment the best chance for him to recovery and she said without doubt, So I decided no matter the cost I wanted to give him the best chance.

The vet said we will take him in now, get him on some fluids as he was dehydrated, and then test him for FIV FLV virus because if he had that it was all pointless and the infection could easily return after, we got the phone call a few hours later to say goodnews he didnt have the virus, they asked again would you like the special treatment for him and we talked about the costs, again I thought i wanted to do the best no matter what because if he dies without trying I will forever regret it, it was arranged they would keep him overnight on fluids and cary on with antibiotics he started on Friday and would do the procedure in the morning as special kit had to be ordered etc.

We got a phone call late Monday evening from the nurse to say they had done the usual welfare checks and he was ok and stable and it was all still going ahead tomorrow, Tuesday morning the phone rings with the tragic news he had just died, the vet told me he was as surprised as us because he had seemed stable until they were getting him ready for the procedure and then he really started to struggle breathing, they at that point switched to just stabilising him trying to draw more fluid off the chest with the syringe and gave oxygen, it didnt work and he died on the table and the cpr they gave didnt work.

I now feel so torn and upset that I never got to say goodbye to him and made him spend his last night and moment on earth in a strange place and die with i am sure caring people with him but strangers non the less, now I know I only did that because it was in agreement from everyone this treatment was regarded as his best chance, and the vets seemed confident he could take it and it was not all for nothing.

But then the negative thoughts come into my mind that could he have got better from just the antibiotics and if we had given him longer on those at home in a less stressful place would he have survived, and have I really killed him with the stress of being in a strange place, I guess its impossible to know but the vet told me that he thinks he would of still died at home because he died even after having 24hrs on fluids and the same antibiotics we we could give him at home but in a stronger IV form, logically I know just being at the vets would not probably kill a healthy cat but Jess was a nervous cat and didn't really like strangers even knocking at the door so this is what makes me feel even more bad and responsible even though I just wanted to make him get better.

Sorry for such a long post I just didnt know how to say how I felt without describing what happened.

Oliver.

[Oliver]

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss of Jess.  I know how hard it is, esp. when you didn't expect to lose them and didn't get to say goodbye.  I lost my Miss Mocha June 3rd and still miss her.  We can adjust little by little, but never stop missing them.

What you're going through, second guessing your decisions, that's common in grief.  It's our way of trying to rewrite the ending, come up with a different solution, one with a different outcome.  It doesn't help though, the outcome is the same, and very possibly would have been the same no matter what we would have done.  The important thing is we gave them a loving home as long as they were here, and they knew we loved them.   I hope this article is of comfort to you as it was to med:

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf

[Oliver]

Hi KayC thank you for the kind words and the article, they both helped me try to understand how I feel and why, sorry to hear about your loss of Miss Mocha.