Marcel

Signs, coincidences or what you make of it

22 posts in this topic

I'm not relious or a very spiritual person. Still I believe that the mind (or spirit) is not part of the body and that it will live on. But while being with my wife I certainly became more open to stretch my beliefs. Some things may still be a coincidence, but if they are, they're really strange ones. A couple surround the night my wife died (september 11th, 2016). I may post about them someday, not ready for it yet. But there are others:

There was a movie my wife and I wanted to see. The trailer didn't really give away what it was about but it looked funny and wierd. She was too ill to go to the cinema so we waited for the DVD. But it only came out after she was gone. When I finally watched it, it wasn't really a comedy but a difficult love story that was a perfect image of our own history, down to each character.

The evening before our wedding day (valentine's day) I randomly picked a movie to watch from Amazon, without watching the trailer or reading the description. Its unsuspicious title was "The boys are back" with Clive Owen. It was about a young father who loses his wife to illness and is left behind with their child.

I have of few of my instrumental pieces on a web site and today I was looking at the download statistics which go back to january 2016. I don't advertise my site anywhere so people would only stumble across it by accident or if I link to a file I have on my server in some forum and they get curious and look up the main site.
The average number of clicks my songs have gotten is about 20 per month. There's just one month that stands out where each song had exactly zero clicks: September 2016.

 

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I'm not spiritual either, but I've read stories about occurrences like these, and I just keep thinking that those experiences sound legitimate, that just because I haven't seen a concrete sign that there's more to life than this one doesn't mean that there isn't.. I've had a few 'odd' experiences but again they could just be coincidences.. or not, who knows. for instance. sometimes i see a few insects around but of course there's a garden. auto lights may flicker but there are lighting and heating issues already. the fan in my laptop got so loud that i had to shut it off.. but it's had issues before (not like that though, and i had to get it replaced a while ago). my phone completely shut off (never happened but again, i don't know).
if i see my gran's name somewhere, i know that's proof that she's out there (it's a unique name). i just keep hoping for something like that..
I do hope that you post about your experiences one day.

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I believe there is something more out there. I'm not sure what, I wish more than ever now that I knew more specifically what's out there.

I've mentioned this in my other threads. But, I had more than a few premonitions prior to my girlfriend's passing, things I all passed off as either my own fears or just silly random thoughts at the time. 

The last day I saw my girlfriend in person, alive and happy, was January 20th. When she left work that day, we hugged, kissed and said I love you and I told her I would miss her. She smiled her infectious smile, giggled and said "I'll miss you too, but it'll only be a week. I'll see you next weekend." After she left, I immediately had a thought: "What if that is the last time I ever see her?" I shook my head, wondering what brought that on. She actually came back only a minute later because she had forgotten something, and she gave me a second hug and kiss. After she left that time I continued to have the same thought for the rest of the evening. I brushed it off as some random brain noise, but I couldn't shake it completely. 

On Friday the 27th, my girlfriend was still alive but was unconscious in a coma. I was out shopping that day and was at the bookstore. I was randomly wandering around and, without even knowing previously where it was, I suddenly stopped, turned slowly and found myself face to face with the Death and Dying section. I quipped "I hope I won't need to read these books!" But I have no idea why, this was in the middle of an aisle, I randomly suddenly stopped without knowing why and turned and saw that section.

The same evening, I was in another store and suddenly, in my head, the phrase "RIP" followed by her name was in my head. It persisted, even when I told myself not to think that way it wouldn't go away. I again assumed it was just my own fears manifesting themselves. But I told myself she was still alive at this point and there was not yet any reason to consider her death. One day later, she died. 

I firmly believe all of the above were premonitions, not random brain fuzz but signs in some way of what was happening. Physics tells us that based on our knowledge, it is impossible to learn of the future. I wonder though if it's more that we are unable to CHANGE the future based on that knowledge. I did not react to any of the premonitions I had. I chalked all of them up to my own fears. This gets into one of those deep philosophical discussions about free will: even though I had the information, I did not use my "Free will" to act on it in any way. Perhaps that's how it was always going to be? Maybe we simply cannot change the future even with knowledge of it, at least in these kinds of situations. 

I miss her every single day. I wish every day that I had maybe had a different conversation with her the last time we spoke. The day she texted me was the last day we had a conversation of any length. I wish I had said so many things to her in that conversation. I wish I had told her just how much she means to me. I think she knew, but I wish I had said it outright. I wish we'd had conversations about what she would want for ME if she died. She did tell me what SHE wanted, but I never asked what she wanted for ME.

 

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I wish I knew too. I lack so much clarity. Everything is so dark, like it's always been, but now.. it's just another level deeper.
I've finally reached complete isolation.
 

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I've been hearing really loud noises like a huge box fell som where and I never see anything that fell. I just heard the toilet seat slam or close down. I asked my son if hey made the noise he said no but said he heard it.  This all started will the tv randomly turning to the church channel, which I never watch. Who knows I could have sa on th remote but I don't remember much these days.

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Marcel, thank you for sharing that with us.  I think a lot of the stuff we take for "coincidence" isn't.  Coincidence is us not seeing things for what they really are...or not wanting to admit to the contrary.

I'm curious what the movie was you were waiting to come out on DVD.

And I'll be here waiting someday when you can talk about things...

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19 hours ago, fzald said:

I wish we'd had conversations about what she would want for ME if she died. She did tell me what SHE wanted, but I never asked what she wanted for ME.

 

I wish that, too. I wish he could somehow tell me now. 

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I have had an incredible number of coincidences.  I am a skeptical person by nature.  I do believe in an after life, and a divine being.  But if I am going to attribute anything in our physical world to the supernatural, I want hard proof.  All that having been said, the simple volume of things that have happened that are at least a little strange is pretty astounding.  I have documented them elsewhere, but a quick list goes my vacation a week before she passed for the first time in over 20 years, multiple dreams, a specific shirt that brought me immense peace and comfort on the day of the first month anniversary of her passing, a nightgown showing up inexplicably where it almost couldn't be, her making her daughters graduation after talking about it for over 10 years, a flower that is still blooming in sub freezing temperatures, a ribbon from the flowers at ther grave that immediately calms the worst of my breakdowns, and others that I don't even recall at the moment.

Most of these are easily explainable, but a few are real head scratchers like the flower and the nightgown.  But the sheer volume of things I could interpret as signs is astounding.  Perhaps that is just my mental state right now, and looking for signs has me finding them in situations and things that otherwise I would attribute to normal life.  I can choose to view these events in any way I want.  They are not concrete proof of the supernatural, and I understand completely how many people would view this as hopeful delusion on my part, but I choose to view them as signs.  I was hesitant with that at first, worried that I might base some of my progress in my grief process on something I would later dismiss, and set myself back.  If that happens, so be it, but I view these as solid signs from my wife indicating that there is an afterlife, that she is happy in that place, and that indeed our thoughts and who we are survive our physical passing.

I am not basing my healing or progress on these signs, for the reason already mentioned.  But the simple peace the thought brings puts me in a better place to think about my grief process, and put in the work and effort to have it progress.  I think it is up to each individual to determine for themselves what they think of the things they see.  As with most things in grief, and indeed life, there are few hard and fast answers.  I would simply say that we should all realize the possibility of there being something more, and perhaps allow ourselves a little faith without proof even if that isn't normally our way.  After all, I think we can all use any help we can get at this point,

Herc

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Marcel,

I love the Lord and believe in HIS word.  In Matthew 7:7-8 it states, "Continue to ask, and God will give to you. Continue to search, and you will find.  Continue to knock, and the door will be open for you.  Yes, everyone who continues to ask, will receive.  He who continues searching, will find.  And he who continues knocking, will have the door opened for him".

The definition of coincidence is 'a remarkable concurrence of events or circumstances without apparent causal connection. I think life is not a path of coincidences, happenstance and luck, but rather an inexplicable meticulously chartered course for one to touch the lives of others and make a difference in the world.  There are no coincidences in life, only taught lessons.

 

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3 hours ago, KayC said:

I'm curious what the movie was you were waiting to come out on DVD.

It's a french movie called Le goût des merveilles .

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I like that quote, KayC. 

I used to google and read books about the afterlife, reincarnation, mediums, etc. I was incredibly curious about it all and wanted so desperately to remain connected to him. I've struggled with being in a different state than him I guess you could say, human/spirit form. I haven't read or looked anything up in probably 3 weeks. I still find myself acting as if he's gone temporarily, pretending everything is fine because the hurt is so overwhelming. It's still so unreal to me. When I allow myself to think about him being gone, I'm just in disbelief that it's even possible. I want to see him or hear him. I want an unmistakably clear sign. I took my daughter to a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese Saturday. The number we got for our order was his birth year. Of course I thought of him. I wanted it to be a sign from him. I just don't know. He used to tell me not to question things so much. That's what I hear when I start to doubt that he's around. 

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Coincidence?  Maybe not.  Maybe he IS trying to touch base with you!

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Solomon'sGirl---if your immediate thought was of your husband's birth year, I would take it as a sign. I take signs as things I notice and my immediate thoughts. There have been a couple times when I'm thinking of my husband and I hear the words come back into my head, * trust and have faith*. Like you, I would prefer something obvious, like a manifestation of his form, to hear his voice. Other people have had manifestations, why can't I? Maybe because I wish for it too much.

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I was just walking down the hall at work to the restroom and for about 15-20 seconds I swear I smelled her scent wafting around me. 

It may have been my imagination, but maybe not.

It's comforting to think it might have been her presence, showing herself to me in some way, but I still have such a skeptical mind lately about this stuff, thinking that I'm just imagining stuff and that she's gone forever. I don't know why. I guess I just can't accept the reality of her being gone from the physical world, and don't want to be teased... 

 

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6 minutes ago, fzald said:

I guess I just can't accept the reality of her being gone from the physical world, and don't want to be teased... 

Yes, I don't want to be teased. 

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Fzald I can see why you don't want to accept the reality and that you don't want to be teased .. neither do I..
But it is interesting you smelled her scent.
I smelled gas for a second (outside in the yard) and then it went away. I suppose that has little meaning lol, but I wonder why anything I see or sense is happening. I look for whatever.. Two crows sitting on the wires. insects sitting on the window. doorbell ringing (i don't always check to see who it is though). nothing major yet, I go to the beach and check the names on the sand (nothing). it's the spring break and they write to each other. but not to me, oh well.

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I can believe that everything happens randomly. Or I can believe that things are supposed to make sense. The first would just mean that my wife through an act of random cruelty had to suffer her whole life. She'd had heath issues her entire life. After her mother died so young she got an abusive stepmother right out of a cruel fairy tale. She had relationsships with men who treated her badly. Her first husband left her for her own aunt, when she was almost bedridden with morbus bechterew, while her 7-year old daughter had to take care of her., He left her with a heap of debts from their house they had to sell below market price and a dog she couldn't handle. Her second husband was from Turkey and he probably just married her to stay in the country. But he must have learned what kind of a person she was. Aside from one of her three brothers he was the only one showing at her viewing. He was in there for half an hour crying and moaning loudly.
There were 60 people at her funeral, none of them had showed up the last couple of months she suffered so badly, except for her father and my parents.
And this was a woman who would always put everyone else but her first.
Despite what happened to her she remained an positive person with a smile that could light up the darkest night. And people sensed it. We would stand in queue at a super market and some stranger in front of us turns around and begins to tell her his life story. How he had a wife and family and a house and a good job and how he lost it all. And things like this happened often. Somehow people knew, here's a person who cares and listens.
And she could never keep being mad at anybody, no matter what they did to her. At her 40th birthday all three of her major past relationships were present.
I prefer to believe her life meant something, and that it wasn't just a series of random events.
Still I wonder what her purpose in life really was. Her friends and family abondened her. What she really achieved in her life is raising a great daughter and showing me what love is all about. And myself, maybe I only got caught in the crossfire. What's the point in showing me what love really is when I can't be with my love anymore. Why should someone with the kindest souls of all has to suffer such a short and cruel life.
I may never get an answer but I hope she's with her mother and grandmother now as she always wished for.

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Hi,

Funny but my wife Bal and I shopped in a frozen food shop regularly evey Saturday. Four months since losing the love of my life, trying to find a job, guess what I been offered that in the same store.

Coincidence I don't think so, looking after me somehow.

Ravinder

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9 minutes ago, Ravinder said:

Hi,

Funny but my wife Bal and I shopped in a frozen food shop regularly evey Saturday. Four months since losing the love of my life, trying to find a job, guess what I been offered that in the same store.

Coincidence I don't think so, looking after me somehow.

Ravinder

I was offered a job at the same school Thad worked at, 2 weeks after he passed. We always talked about both being teachers one day and working together. Everything we wanted to do is starting to happen. Only one thing is missing. I do feel that he's looking out for me. Several things have made me feel that way

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I lived the "Dream" of working side by side with my girlfriend. She was so excited about the new projects coming up at work. I have now been assigned to all the projects she wanted to be part of. It is so bittersweet, I'm doing everything she wanted to do, but like you said Solomon'sGirl, one thing is missing. I try to do things "in her honor", but it's still so raw and so sad. There's such an absence here. She should be here. She should be doing all the things she wanted. 

 

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Whether we believe in fate or random happenings is something we decide makes the most sense to us, but isn't the point so much as what we do with what what is presented.

Marcel, it sounds like you were blessed to be with a true angel, so fortunate to have known her and had her in your life!  I hope her life had a ripple affect on all who knew her!

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