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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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I've never done this before but it was recommended by some friends to try and find some people online who understand.

Growing up I had an amazing life, both parents always around, I was always daddy's little girl and Moms little angel. At 13 my parents got a divorce. My dad got really depressed and started using drugs. We always stayed in touch and hung out pretty often, even when things got rough. My mother and I were living house to house for about a year. We found a nice apartment and lived there for 5 years.

When i was 18 on 5/8/2015 I lost my father he was 45. It was a very rough 2 months for my family and I. He went into the hospital for shortness of breath. The next night i get a call saying he went into cardiac arrest, after that in was in an induced coma for 2 months. They would wake him up once a day for me to be able to visit with him, He couldn't talk due to the tube in this throat but he was still there. He had multiple surgeries all of which were my choice (since i was 18 and the oldest child i was next of kin) and after his last surgery he lost all function of his brain. It was my decision to let him go. I know he wouldn't have wanted to be like that. It's almost been 2 years since that's happened and i still think about it everyday. I don't think I will ever make it through that.

At age 20 on 2/24/2017 I lost my mother she was 50. In December she went into the ER because she wasn't feeling to well and the doctor had told us she had stage 4 breast cancer. I was completely destroyed. My mom was the healthiest woman ever, didn't smoke, didn't drink, ate healthy, took all her vitamins. She started chemo not to long after that, after her 3rd session she had come home and called me, she said she wasn't feeling to good and of course we all thought it was just the chemo. The next afternoon my 15 year old brother came home from school and called me saying he couldn't wake her up. He called 911 and we all met at the hospital, They pulled us into the "family room" and i knew at that point that this couldn't be good. The cancer had made its way into her stomach, she bleed out so much that her heart completely stopped. My mom was my best friend, my person to run too. We had a very close relationship from beginning to end. We were there for each other in the hardest of times.

Now I am a 20 year old, with no parents, a 15 year old brother and no support. I am completely lost and broken.. I feel like giving up myself but i can't do that my brother needs me right now and i can't even hold myself together.   

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This is extremely sad. I don't know what to say really. Just that I'm sorry... I can't believe you lost both parents. you and your brother are so young. there is no support at all? you mention some friends, are they helping?
 

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I mean i have people helping me with all the stuff that needs done (court, insurance, car, etc..) but nobody to really talk to, who will understand.

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I see.. I just figured the financial aspect would be overwhelming on top of the tragedy you're experiencing. it's good that there is some support in that regard...
but i am sorry you're feeling isolated. grief is horrible. it's been more than a month for me, i was caring for my grandmother and now I feel alone.
I don't know about you but I keep hoping for some kind of sign that there's more to life than just this one. but I never truly know. I'm not even religious or anything.
I feel like a part of me died that day. Some might say it's just trauma but I feel like an actual piece of me is gone forever. So this experience changes people permanently. Now we have to somehow find out how to start over.. it's hard..
if you want to send a message to talk about it feel free. and/or continue posting here, everyone is in a similar situation.
 

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Yes it is very over whelming, but my family has been helping me out with all of it.

The hard part is waking up everyday without my parents, My dad was hard on me but my mom passing is just something i can't seem to believe. She took me with her that day and without her i feel alone, even with my family and friends. I feel lost and confused, with no where to turn. 

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I imagine it's really hard to get through the day. 2 losses in a short period seem so impossible.. especially when they're your parents.
I don't know if anyone can even prepare for death. I knew how hard it was for my grandmother to live in her final years... But I never acknowledged death.. I knew it would happen but I continually thought to myself "if" she died.. rather than when. even though I constantly worried about her.
and I have been depressed before, I have experienced loneliness for years.
Still, nothing compares to the loss of someone like her. Nothing compares to the permanent loss of people we cared so deeply for.
again I am sorry. I suppose it feels unreal, confusing, disturbing, and everything else at the same time. I try to take it slowly. just a breath at a time, i don't know...


 

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