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Corey's mom

My son commited suicide on February 28th

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Dear Corey's mom,

Sending you love and hugs during this very difficult time. I'm so sorry. I know the pain is unbearable. Please know you are not alone. We are all here to listen and support you in anyway we can.

To answer your question, I think it takes a long, long time to process the sorrow. And to work through all our raw emotions and thoughts. Please be kind and gentle with yourself. And continue to surround yourself with loving friends and family.

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I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. There are no words that will help your pain or help you get through this nightmare. 

This is still so recent it is going to take a long, long time to begin to heal. You will go through so many emotions. You will feel tremendous guilt. Why didn't I see the signs, was it something that I said or didn't say, didn't I let them know that I loved them enough, why did they abandon me? So many unanswered questions. Know that it wasn't your fault. The person that chooses this solution has a coping problem within themselves. Whether they were born with depression, have a alcohol, drug or medicine related issue, they still have a problem with coping.

Your life has been turned upside down with this nightmare and your life will never be the same. Unless one experiences this type of death they won't understand. If a person dies from an accident or illness they didn't chose to leave you but a suicide they chose to leave you. 

Your whole perspective in life changes. It will be hard for you to focus and your mind wanders. I cried violently everyday for a solid year and often for 3 years. After the 4th year I still see the image fused in my brain finding my Mom from a self inflicted gun shot death, but I don't cry as often.

Be good to yourself. Talk about it over and over to anyone that will listen. You have to get it out. See a counselor, work, volunteer, join a group that would understand. Get out of the house and most of all cry, pray, pray and pray until you are exhausted. 

Like I said your life has changed and you will have to find a new norm. Just think how strong you have had to be so far. We are stronger than we think we are. You will now be more compassionate to others that experience this tragedy. You will cherish life differently or become angry and bitter. Chose to cherish it. Continue to honor your son by living life to the fullest because he did not have the strength to. 

He was in such deep pain that God took him home to heal him and keep him safe and sound. Corey complete is journey here on earth and has now gone on to the next phase of his life. He will always be with you, beside you, watching over you. You will be together again one day. But now, you must be strong and continue your journey and learn from this hardship. 

May God wrap his arms around you, give you comfort, peace and strength.           Sincerely, Sherry. 

 

 

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Hello Corey's mom. I am so very sorry. 

i think it's so fitting that you said you keep getting in your own way. It's like a brand new body part that you have to learn to carry around. Forgein and disorienting. I think over all you start to get use to it more then anything, learn how to live with it.

You will and do have choices as to the ways you live with it, so that will be important. In the meantime, it might feel more like you are helpless and the pain will feel endless. I can only say, breath and hold on. 

To me,  the body just can't handle all the grief at once, so it learns how to break it down and put it in places. it goes in stages. It is a particularly intense, painful and choppy ride at first. 

 After 16 years I can say it's let up in a lot of ways. I miss them daily of course but still have moments when it's a real punch in the gut. I recently started listening to medication audios for grieving loss of a loved one. 

As my loved one use to say...Bless your heart 

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