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Nikki6

Sudden death of 34 year old brother

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Nikki6   

I find myself trawling the internet for words of comfort. My little brother died between Christmas and the 27th december. He was meant to be with us and I was angry when he didn't come or contact me. He was dead.

While we celebrated, he was dead or dying. And I was mad at him.

The cause of death was coronary artherosclerosis but we dont know what happened because he was alone.

His housemate found him on the 27th and attempted resuscitation but it was too late. I have lots of support but feel that people around me now expect me to be coping and not crying every day and struggling this much. 

I dont know how to be.  I want to be happy but I feel guilty and at the same time I dont want the pain to go away. 

I worry that he suffered. That we never got to tell him how much we loved him.  That he doeant exist anymore..... all of that and so much more

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Guest   
Guest

I'm sorry to hear of your tragedy.
Everything is so silent now. I can't even say dead sometimes.
I helped my gran but I feel guilt sometimes too. I don't necessarily want the pain to go. It's almost like I deserve it.
But that's probably just life's cruel way of destroying any strength I have left.
It feels like there's nothing there now.
I also worry that she suffered. I was there and I saw it and I have it all in my head.
Nothing can make the pain "disappear".
Just because you have support does not mean that what you're feeling is irrelevant or that it's going to fade.
I hope they're not telling you to get over it because that's insensitive and unrealistic..
People continue to say things like "life goes on" like well yeah maybe for you it does.
Not the rest of us, Not the ones who carry the burden.
And maybe a burden we don't want to let go of. To keep them alive in our memory, it seems we remember the good with the bad.
But that's the coldest part about life, the suffering that death leaves behind, and the opportunities that the deceased might have missed.

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addym   

When my brother died, my mother knew something bad had happened.  He didn't respond to her calls all afternoon or night.  She asked me if I had talked to him and I made her feel bad for being oversensitive.  I never imagined it could be this horrible.

I have guilt to live with from a separate event that directly led to his death.  He asked for help and I was selfish and tired of everything.  This was the one time he asked for help.  It took him six years to ask for someone to help him and the one time he did, I was angry and ignored him and the next day he died because no one wanted to help him.  I've spent the past few months copine by blaming him for getting himself into this situation that caused his death and for doing this to our family.  I don't know any other way to remember him because if I think of him in a warm and fuzzy way, which he always was to me, I want to cry and be angry.

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Maisey80   

I had no idea my brother died when he did last fall. 

  I too, was overwhelmed thinking he had suffered. I pushed HARD at the police department, emergency response teams and the coroner's office to get answers. It wasn't easy but i did it for my parents more so than myself and let it be known I wasn't going to be put off or shoved aside  and would hire attorney if needed (I could have but I wouldn't have).

 

  Stand up for your rights as next of kin  if it's too hard for your parents to cope with as it was for me, ask your father or mother to call the police in the town your brother passed away in and give them permission to fully disclose information to you  

 

  Otherwise just take things as you can deal with them  I've been in therapy weekly for... 7 months  my brother died 9 months ago-and it hits adult siblings differently.  Xxx

 

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