Who Am I Now?

[donna2754]

I lost my mom 2 weeks ago.  A week after her 86th birthday,  Now some of you will say --- wow she lived a long life, but for me just not long enough.  I have been my mother's caretaker for 30 years and the past 2 the doctors told us she only had 2 months to live  She sure showed them.  I am finding it difficult to grieve mostly due to the fact that the one person to support, love and hold me when i cried is no longer here.  How can I let me grief out when I don't think I can put it away to go to work, go food shopping and just continue to put one foot in front of the other?  

I built my life around her and now that she is gone - who am i? I just don't know my place in the world anymore.

[reader]

Dear Donna,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your beloved mother. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it hurts a lot right now. And the pain and sorrow feels overwhelming.  I know you want your mom to still be here on earth. Everything you are saying and feeling is natural and normal.  And the questions too.

I hear you. My dad passed away almost 5 months ago at 84. People said he lived a long life, but as you said it was never going to be long enough for me. I lived with my dad and took care of the household for over 20 years.  3 years ago he had a stroke and I had to do even more. I stopped traveling and spent every day making sure he had his food, his showers, managed all his appointments. I did all of it thinking he would live to 90 or even a 100. Never imaging he would die on me.

I feel your pain because I ask myself the same question. Who am I now? And this will be the hard part for a long time. Because I was so wrapped up in being my dad's caregiver that I never pursued anything else. During my grief I manage to go to work and come home but that is all about right now. Well meaning people have made a ton of suggestions from travel to meditation.  But I just don't know.

From reading your post Donna, I know a little. You loved your mom deeply. You are caring and compassionate person. You have skills that are needed in society in so many capacities.

There are many people who share the same pain and journey as you. I have found these websites very helpful AgingCare.com, What's Your Grief, GriefShare.Org

There is support in the community and in church. You are not alone. We are all here to support you as well.

Take care of yourself the best you can. Thinking of you. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

 

 

[ELiz]

Donna, 

My most deepest condolences. How lucky you got to spend many years with your mother. Mines was robbed from me when we was 65 in December 2016. But I know it would have never been enough. It would have hurt just as same had she been 100. Why? Bc they are such an enormous part of our lives no matter how old we are. Also, something I realized after her passing, my mother was the one person who loved me more anything in this world. The one person who truly loved me unconditionally. Nothing compares to a mother's love. It is extremely painful when that is gone. We will never again have our mother's to call to share gossip, talk about the weather, as for everyday advice etc. Our teachers and shoulders to cry on are gone. It feel as though someone has removed a limb from our bodies. Something that has been there since our birth. Something we don't know how to live without. I wish there were words to share with you to make such a void feel better. I simply don't think such words exist. Just know there are so many of us sharing the same pain and you have us to cry to.