Visitation and I am feeling lonely

[Chitra]

My husband died 19 days back,  I feel so lonely without him.  Not that we would converse much.  He was a very quite person and I was always busy with my work.  But, the comfort was that he was always there at home.  He gave me a lot of silent support.  He died suddenly in front of my eyes after a cough and some breathlessness.  I don't know why?

Yesterday, I had a dream.  He came in a white car , parked it behind a pile of grass and walked through flowing water. I saw him and ran to him.  He held me and kissed me .  He walked away  and I don't remember whether he said he will come back.

Can someone explain.  I am terribly upset and I am trying to limp back to work (everyone is saying that is the best)

Chitra

 

 

[KMB]

Chitra----I am so sorry for the sudden passing of your beloved husband. My husband passed suddenly also, cardiac arrest. Maybe that is how your husband passed. My only consolation, and I am sure yours, it was quick and painless. It is a passing we all wish for.

I'm by far not an expert, but it sounds like the dream you had was along the lines as a visitation. Your husband's way of letting you know he is OK. Dreams are quite common. It is supposed to be easier for our loved ones to connect and communicate to us when we are asleep.

I had dreams of my husband right after he passed. A couple of times I woke up crying hysterically. I had that sense that I had been with him but I couldn't stay. Then , for whatever reason, I wasn't having dreams. I was having sleep issues. Insomnia. I've been using sleep aids just to get a couple hours of sleep. The chemicals are probably preventing any dreams of him or my mind is choosing not to remember. I have short dreams of people whose faces I don't recognize, weird dreams.

I hope you have support of family and friends and they stick by you in the months to come. Take care of yourself, be patient and kind to your needs.

This is a wonderful forum with many caring, supportive individuals who will read your words, listen and offer encouragement. We don't want to belong to this club, but have no choice. This is the only place where everyone truly understands what we are going through.

[Mrsviden]

20 minutes ago, Chitra said:

 

Yesterday, I had a dream.  He came in a white car , parked it behind a pile of grass and walked through flowing water. I saw him and ran to him.  He held me and kissed me .  He walked away  and I don't remember whether he said he will come back.

 

Chitra, first off I'm very sorry to hear of your loss, I lost my husband 2 months ago and it still hurts just as bad as it did the day it happened. I'm happy you have found this site and I pray it helps you, although it will still hurt. 

Perhaps your dream is your husbands way of visiting you to tell you that he is ok and with Jesus now. Him holding you and kissing you may be his way of trying to comfort you and let you know that he is with you always. 

[KayC]

Chitra,

I am very sorry for your loss, I have lost a lot of people but losing my husband was the hardest by far.  It will be important to take care of yourself, eat healthy, drink plenty of water, take walks.  
Our brain has gone through great trauma and needs not only our self-care but our patience and understanding as it makes its way through brain fog and struggles to focus on things we used to do effortlessly.  I had my boss check my work for a while to make sure I didn't make mistakes because it was truly a struggle, whereas before i did my job perfectly.

I agree with Mrsviden that perhaps your husband was letting you know he is okay.

[ModHerc]

Chitra,

I am so sorry for your loss.  My wife passed on Christmas Eve 2016. We were also quiet with one another frequently.  We were quiet as well.  I think we were so in tune with one another that we simply didn't need to talk all the time.  We did have good conversations as well, but there was something comforting about knowing we could just sit in the same room with one another and not have to speak to fill the void because our simple presence and shared life filled it without words.

I haven't had any dreams that I think were visitations, but I have had some signs that I think may be from my wife.  I've written about most of them elsewhere, but I have one that happened over the weekend.  We lived in two condos within the same apartment complex, kind of sharing the space between the two.  It was an unusual living situation, but one that worked well for us.  Since she has passed, I have gone back to living almost exclusively out of mine, and my stepdaughter is taking over hers.  I still go back and forth between the two to care for our pets, and to help my stepdaughter as she adjusts to living on her own.

I was at my condo doing a load of laundry yesterday, some shirts to get ready for work this week.  When I pulled them out of the dryer and started to hang them, I found one of her favorite nightgowns in the load.  I think I saw the nightgown at her condo since she passed, and I have not been bringing any of her things to my place.  I have no idea how it got there, or why it would be in with a load of my shirts, which I separated from my other clothes before I did that load.  I suppose it is possible that I picked it up with my jacket during one of my trips over there, both of them being draped over a chair, although I think I saw the nightgown in her dresser drawer not out, and we have definitely picked up everything at her house.  Close to inexplicable.  I don't know what your dream meant either, but don't discount that it could be a sign from him.

Regarding going back to work, please be as kind to yourself as possible on that front.  I went back two days after the funeral, and it was very difficult.  You may want to have a coworker that you trust keep an eye on you.  I don't know what you do, but be aware you may be distracted, and probably will not be functioning at your full normal capacity.  Work helped me in that it gave me a set schedule, and some normalcy among the chaos, but it is also very difficult interacting with people, and you may need to cry at some inopportune moments.

Be kind to yourself in every way that you can.  Take care of the basics that KayC already mentioned, drink, eat, sleep, exercise.  Take it one moment at a time.  I am so sorry that you have reason to join us here, but hope you find some comfort amongst the wonderful people here.  We may not have any good answers for you, but we all understand what you are going through.  Wishing you whatever calm moments you can find,

Herc

[Francine]

Chitra,

First of all, let me say how sorry I am for your loss.  I, too lost the love of my life a little over 3 months ago and I am so lonely.  My Charles was not very talkative around others but could and would hold conversations with me for long periods of time.  He was my comforter, my protector, my lover, the father of my children, grandfather to my grand children, uncle, friend, my best friend, my world and I felt so safe around him. He was my knight and even though he had health issues, in my mind he would always be there to protect our family. 

I believe that God does give us signs to move on the next chapter of our lives, we just tend to ignore these signs because we may be afraid and frightened.  I hope your dream is your husband telling you he is find and that he loves you very much; however, we need to carefully check what we receive through dreams and/or visions with Scripture to be sure it is from the Lord.  Everything is not from God and anything which contradicts Scripture must be suspect. Our minds and the evil of this world are capable of producing great deception. God's word is true.   In Job 33:14-16 states, "For God does speak - now one way, now another - through man may not perceive it.  In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls on men as they slumber in their beds.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 shows that God has revealed His will to us primarily through His Word. It says, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

I hope God will give you strength for every battle, wisdom for every decision, and peace that will surpasses understanding.  

[fzald]

I do believe there is an afterlife, and I do believe it's possible for them to contact us. 

I read something once that was very interesting to think about. Suppose a person walked up to you on the street and said "I am your husband, I have temporarily taken over this person's body so I can talk to you, see you again, whatever." You would probably not believe it. You would think this person is being horribly insensitive to your pain. Even if the person could answer a question you ask that only your husband would know, you would still probably try to rationalize how that person may have found out. Perhaps in our horribly grief-stricken state, if someone could actually prove that their spirit lived inside someone else, we might accept it and even be joyful. 

But let's assume that spirits don't have that kind of power, to come into the physical world again. Instead, they are more of an energy, a presence but not a physical one. Maybe the only way spirits and our loved ones can actually come to us in the first place is in dreams, or maybe through meditation and perhaps, if you believe, mediums.

The point is that as deeply and badly as we want to hear from our loved ones, we also want them the way we knew them - in the flesh, in their physical bodies. This sadly will never happen again. But since that is how we are used to interacting with people in the world, we may tend to assume that any other way of interacting with another person is "not real". 

On the same topic, if you had a dream where you saw your beloved, in an unknown place, and they were "showing you around" this other world, would you suddenly believe that the afterlife is absolutely real and you have something to look forward to? Or would you question it, at least for a while, wondering if it truly was just random brainwaves.

We find comfort in absoluteness. We like when something can be demonstrated reliably over and over. Seeing another human being and talking to them is something we can do all the time. So the fact that spirit communication tends to be hit-and-miss and also is not 100% deterministic means we tend to disbelieve. But the same could be said for ANYTHING that has random elements. The weather? We may be able to predict weather a few days ahead, but even then there are often surprises. Games of chance? Show me someone who can accurately predict a dice roll without using any tricks. Our world is full of nondeterministic things that we can observe. Maybe we need to look at spirit communication the same way. For that matter, we as humans are not nondeterministic ourselves. We have free will, we get to make choices about things all the time. If the world were truly deterministic, following specifically set rules of physics, then we should always behave the same way in the same situations, but we can choose not to.

Chitra, your dream may very well have been a visitation. The hug and kiss, a physical feeling, may be his way of presenting himself in a way you'll recognize, to give you some comfort.

[Chasisdope]

I believe in the afterlife and visitations. The first week after my husband passed. One very convincing instant that happened to me was when I was standing in front of the bathroom vanity mirror and I said his name and asked if he was here to do something so I know he is around. A section in the mirror started to move as if I was looking at myself in the reflection of the water that have soft waves. I couldn't believe my eyes. I checked and checked and there was absolutely nothing that could have caused that to happen. It was just too unusual. I knew it was real. I also had several visitation dreams. It took a few months for him to finally appear in my dream and hug me and kiss me.

The most recent (it'd be 5 months on 3/20) one was last week.  I was standing in the middle of nowhere with the night gown I went to sleep in and he pulled up in a horse drawn carriage. He was well dressed with a tux on and a top hat on! Something I could never even imagine us doing. He held his hand out to me. I reached for it and he pulled me up to sit beside him. I didn't touch him. He was glowing/gleaming as the carriage pulled away. It felt as though we were floating in air not a bumpy ride at all. There was no background only something that appeared to be a glow. I was curious as to what he was thinking because he appeared so full of joy. I turned to him and asked if he was able to see some things from where he was at. He smirked...gave me a little giggle and reassured me by saying "Yes, I can see some things." Then I woke up. It happened so quick.

[KayC]

I've heard that they can mess with electricity, lights, etc. and often use that as a means of getting through to us.  I don't know about stuff like that but I've read about it here and in articles on line from people that study it.  It's interesting, but I haven't had that in particular happen.

I did, however, a few months ago, feel his physical touch on my back/shoulder area.  It was a time when I was very distraught and if ever I needed his consolation, it was then.  No one was in the house, it felt just like him, it was a physical sensation.  I can't explain how, I don't claim to understand it, I only know what I experienced.  Just that once.

[Zoe jane]

No My partner been gone 3months.I myself are very spiritual person. My partner did not believe did not like to talk about death. His family been very lucky never had any death were as I've lost few family members. Straight after him passing I felt him with me felt him sit on the bed and place hand on me to reassure me he was OK. I cry as I type this I miss him dearly. We had 23years together. I've just turned 40.our son has had him move a shirt from his chair twice now when he put his dad's frav dvds on. We were having tea other evening all talking about him how we miss him and our chandelier moved fell from the ceiling. Others would think am crazy but I no he's tell us am still here and always will be. Am thankful to come here and share my thoughts. No others are listening. It's so hard part me has died with him all my dreams have been shattered to grow old together. One day I no he be there waiting for me. We are only in life for short time how wonderful will it be to be free of pain, sickness once we move to the next life. Our body just a shell our souls most live on forever. Nice thought for now. 

[KayC]

4 hours ago, Zoe jane said:

Others would think am crazy but I no he's tell us am still here and always will be.

Don't ever let anyone dismiss his "signs" as coincidence or nothing, these are things others have spoken of also, some are more receptive than others but signs are common among some.