what do you do. never to see him again Loss of my husband after 48 years

[After 48 years]

Hi to all I am new here, I just lost my husband after 48 yeas, I miss him so much, my heart aches, I cry, I am so alone, what do you do. He is not coming back, so now what!

My husband was 67, he lived the last 7 years with cancer, he could not eat or drink he was tube fed..so that was alot to do ,,order food, order supplies, he had a whole in his chest so when he did drink of water or snapple he would swallow and the hole in his chest would pass it through, and that is where the liquid went, in a pouch, then he would empty it and them fill it up again even if was only spit.

We both suffered greatly especially him where he couldn't eat at all, so my daughter would cook for me so I could eat, and that was ok with him.  we did have good times but the minute we found the cancer 7 years ago, we both changed, no. going out, and also he worked a 40 hour week, with all the had, wanted to make sure I had money to live on!

That was very so like him, every six weeks he went to the surgeon so he could clear out his tube so he could swallow..but he worked, he was the most incredible man I have ever met, he was so kind, sweet and always wanted the best for me...

He was so tried at the end he kept having more surgery on his gall bladder, so the next day after he said he was in pain so I gave him his meds,,then he wanted to sit in his chair, he was going to take his nap, he did this every day, so we thought  he was ok..I was even talking to him even when I talk he hears me.

Then my daughter said mom there is something wrong with Dad I said ok come on ...He was sleeping, then I looked at him he was right next to me we had chairs together, I got up and looked at him, he looked funny then I called to him ...:Paul wake up please do not leave me now..but he was already gone...but after they said he was gone I knew it..he was cold and they came and took him to hospital and they worked on him, them a Dr came out and said he was gone.....

My daughter knew it my son in law was with us also, so I went in to say goodbye    We always had a saying love you to the moon an back...So I left him so make arrangements then my son came him he lives on the west coast...I miss him, when I get in bed he is not there to do our snuggle time...when I see the bed empty it tears me apart. He will never be there ever again.   So what do you now, my home is empty, his chair is empty, God help me. thanks for reading about me and my husband...there is so much more but the more I say the more it hurts as already know God bless to all that have loved and loss, you are not alone....

 

[ModHerc]

After 48 years,

Cancer is such a horrible disease.  I am so sorry for you and your children's tragic loss and the physical suffering before your husband passed.  I know that the care you gave him eased his final days, and the love you shared granted him comfort.  I lost my wife Christine on Christmas Eve.  She had been ill for many years and I know at least the small comfort of her being beyond suffering now.

We all know that desolate feeling, walking into rooms that were once so full, and now feel empty beyond words.  There are no words that will ease our sorrow, no balm to heal our broken hearts.  All we can do is get by one moment at a time.  Please remember to take care of yourself, drink plenty of water, eat when you can, sleep if you can, and try to at least stretch and exercise even if just a brief walk.

I wish you didn't have to join us in this miserable club.  There are many kind and caring people here that will understand what you are going through.  Wishing you as much peace and comfort as you can find,

Herc

[Chasisdope]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet husband. What an incredible man! I can't begin to imagine how it feels so lose such a loving and caring person like him. And 48 years Whoa!! There must be so much that you're missing and longing for. I hate cancer. Any kind of cancer. My husband passed from terrible complications of leukemia. He was 22 and we were together since 2012. He left behind our little girl. It's the worst thing to ever have to go through. No one knows what it's like unless they have lost a spouse. It's so different. His parents feel tremendous pain but their pain is a total different ball game. 

For me, when I walk into my bedroom, he's the first person I expect to be on our bed just clicking away on his iphone. He's the first person, I talk to, text, write and always telling I love you too. I felt like my world has caved in on me. 

I know how silly this may sound but I always can't wait to go to bed to dream about him. I do dream what they call visitation dreams but not as often as I'd like them to be. I just hope if there really is the afterlife, I hope he is waiting for me and not tired of waiting.

[Francine]

 

After 48 years

I'm so very sorry for your loss and know your pain.  I too lost my love of nearly 45 years three months ago and I still am so heartbroken.  Yours sounds like a love for the ages; one filled with true love and pure happiness.  I don't know of anyone dying of cancer but it must really be hard to go through and even worst watching your loved one go through it.  I know it hurts like hell, but when you think about God giving you 47 years with a man designed specifically for you; a man of your dreams, you know you are blessed.  Some of us are not given that amount time and others don't even live that amount of years.  Know that your life is richer, fuller and happier because he was in it, and you, his.   I know, whatever time we're given is never enough; but just knowing my husband knew how much he was loved and loved, gives me a little comfort.  I hope you feel the same way.    It is truly rare to find true love and I have much respect and admiration for couples, such as you and your husband, and myself and mine, who share love all through their lifetime.  We are truly blessed to know what love truly is - for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, till death to us part.

You will miss him, and you should.  He was not just your best friend, He was your love; He was not just your love, He was your heart; He was not just your heart, He was your life; He was not just your life, He was your world.  My Charles was all of that to me as well, and I'm not afraid to say it.

Remember not that he died, but that he lived; and that his life gave you memories too beautiful to forget.   Some of the best things in life are the people you love, the places you've been together and the memories, the memories you've made along the way, together; good and bad.   Hold on to those memories when you fill low; know his spirit is always by your side even though you cannot see him; he is still your guide.  May time heal your heart and memories your soul.

I know you may be disappointed because your plans did not work out.  You may not understand it now, but one day you'll thank God for the difficulties.  HIS ways are better than our ways,  Don't try to figure it all out. Know that God's plan is always the best even though the process is painful and hard. HE will never remove something from your life if HE didn't have something better.

I hope you continue to post.  There are some amazing people on this website who are not afraid to share their stories, comfort, support and encouragement.  I pray that God gives you the love, strength and peace you need at this most difficult time in your life.  

 

 

 

 

[KMB]

After 48 years--- My heart goes out to you. Your husband was your soulmate, the one you should have been able to be with for a lot longer time. All of us here are in pain and you are in good company on this forum. We are here for each other. I don't want to repeat what the others have posted, just know that my thoughts and feelings are the same. I know how much you are hurting, you might feel like you are alone with your loss, but on here, you are definitely not alone. Please post whenever you need to. We listen, you are heard, and we share in each others sorrows. Take care of yourself. Your sweet husband would want you to do that for him.

[KayC]

After 48 years,

I'm so sorry, the loss is deafening, the empty chair, etc.  It's a day at a time, one foot in front of the other...a part of me gets through the day, another part waits...until I can be with him again.

Keep posting, it helps to know you're heard and your feelings are valid.  Pretty much any and all feelings are normal in grief, even some conflicting at the same time.  It's important to take care of yourself, eat something healthy even when you don't feel like it, it gives us our optimal chance for getting through this.