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Food for thought


fzald

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One of the things my girlfriend and I did almost every day was to pose scenarios or situations to each other and ask what we would do in those situations.

It was one of the mindless things we just loved to do. We would challenge ourselves to come up with the most outrageous hypothetical situations and then ask each other what we would do, or how we would react, or how we would handle the situation. The scenarios didn't even have to be realistic or even physically possible, it was just the sheer fun of thinking about extreme, abnormal situations. We loved it. 

Funny, we never actually asked each other what we would do if either of us died. For as insane as some of our scenarios seemed to be, maybe that one was just still too farfetched for either of us to actually consider as a possibility. Of course, it turned out that one of us dying ended up being far from hypothetical...

To this day I still find myself thinking of scenarios and wishing I could ask her how she would handle it. Now, though, some of these scenarios revolve around the fact that she has passed. Here's just a couple of them.

-- Suppose you could bring your loved one back into the world. But, they would have no memory of your relationship or your time together. Assume though that you would still have every shot at being with them again. Would you do it? (The idea is that the other person has lost all the memories you carry with you, but still has the attraction, so getting them to go out with you would be easy, but you'd still carry the memories alone forever.)

-- Assume the above situation, but assume also that the odds you'd be able to go out with them again are very low. Suppose it's the same physical person, same personality, but different life history, different name, different location. Finding them would be daunting, if even possible. (You're asking yourself if you could deal with the person being alive but having no chance to ever see them again versus dead.)

This is just one of the things I miss about her. Being able to delve into extremely theoretical topics and just DISCUSS endlessly. With our mutual understanding of the world around us, sometimes some interesting insight would come out of these conversations, even. To think that I will never again share those conversations with her... So sad...

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12 minutes ago, fzald said:

Funny, we never actually asked each other what we would do if either of us died

Actually, my husband and I did; not knowing it would come to fruition.   My Charles had health issues and didn't think, if I died first, he would live much longer and literally said he would have died of loneliness.  He told me how much he loved me and that he always wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and I, with him.  I sometimes would ask God if one had to go first, to let it be me - I knew I would not want to live without him or if I could live without him.   After a while, we'd laugh and  agreed that we would just go together and that was that.  Unfortunately,(maybe that's not the right word to use) maybe the word I should use is thankfully he got his wish, he was able to spend the rest of his life with me and I'm so proud that he loved me until his end, and I still love him and will do so until my end.  Unfortunately (it's appropriate to use the word now) I'm finding it hard to go on living without him and at times don't want to.   So sad :(

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Francine, that's kind of beautiful. My girlfriend did get to spend "the rest of her life" with me. Until she died we were still in love, in a relationship. She can honestly say, on the other side, that she left this world in love, and that she spent the rest of her life with someone she loved.

That honor has been taken from me. She was so young, and even though I am older than her, I still theoretically have decades to go on this planet. I used to think about how it feels like such a short time yet such a long time since I, say, graduated high school. I thought about how when I turn 36, that I will have spent half of my life as a child and half as an adult. The time I spent as a child does seem kind of dull now, but my adult life has been full of experiences. The best experience of all, though, was falling in love with and being with my girl. There is no experience I can say I would prefer to experience again over that one. Sadly, though, I must now also experience the worst experience of all - losing her. But to think that she only got a mere 4+ years of adulthood, only a little over 4 years to truly be on her own, to spread her wings... She was just starting life. To think that she was taken away before she even got to truly start living, is the saddest thing I can think of. It's unfair, there is no way it will ever be "right" or "ok". She will be "forever young". I may grow old, or I may (luckily?) be given mercy and be allowed to leave this world at a younger age. But she will always be 22. She will always be a life so full of opportunity but with so little realization. I feel sad for me, but I continue to feel so sad for her. 

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Solomon'sGirl

First situation, definitely yes! I'm fine carrying the memories alone. We'll make new ones! Just having him here and being able to be with him again, that's good enough for me. 

Situation 2, I think I would still say yes. It might be difficult and maybe I'd never find him, but knowing that he was alive and findable (making up words here).. that would also be good enough for me. I'd probably spend every day looking for him. Even if there was no chance I'd ever find him, I think there would be some peace knowing he's here in the same way I am. I find it really difficult to be separated like we are now. I believe we're all energy and his energy is still just as alive as before. But not having his body makes him incredibly different from me, unrelatable. So yes, I think I'd like it much better if we were on the same level. 

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Solomon'sGirl

Not sure if you were actually asking, but I've thought about this with all of my googling about the afterlife and reincarnation. So I jumped at answering

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Of course!  We met and hit it off once, we would again, nothing would change the outcome of that.

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