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does it ever get easier?


pd23

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I lost my dad to cancer on December 11th 2015 and that basically tore my entire life apart. The first few months ill admit i didn't really feel much, I just continued as if nothing happened, i didn't talk about him and wouldn't really stick around if someone else wanted to. Fast forward to now and I'm a complete mess. i'm angry, I'm sad, I'm frustrated and I have no idea what I'm doing in my life. I quit my job in October because i needed a break and since then i haven't been able to keep a job. I apply for jobs, i get them and then i finish training and i cant get myself to keep going. I don't know whats wrong with me. I just keep replaying the day he died in my head. I cant seem to move past it. I feel so guilty for not going to see him during his last days. I feel selfish for putting my pain before his. I couldn't see him like that. Deep down I knew he was dying and i didn't want to witness it. I know I'm all over the place with this but that's just how scrambled my brain feels. I'm lost, i don't know who to talk to or what to do. All i know is everyday i make a new mistake and that messes up things even more. I guess I'm writing because i need advice. I need to know how to put myself back together. I need to get over my anxiety and get back to work and go back to school because I'm going crazy with my thoughts. 

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Dear pd23,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the loss of your beloved dad. I'm so sorry for the pain and sorrow. Losing a parent is one of the hardest things any of us can go through. I know its hard. And our lives feel upside down right now. Everything you are saying and going through is normal and natural. All those raw emotions are part of grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. And you are right our brains are scrambled from this terrible loss.

We all need help during these difficult times. Try to surround yourself with loving friends and family. If you feel ready maybe try to talk to a grief counselor or join a support group. There are also wonderful websites like What's Your Grief, The Grief Recovery Method, Legacy that have different articles that can help.

I know its not easy losing your cherished father. Its so hard to accept. But I'm glad you want to get help and try to move forward the best you can. I know you will be able to find the right path again. Thinking of you.

 

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