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I can't celebrate tomorrow.


Andrew's girl

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Andrew's girl

I'm just going to write through this tears, this might be a downer it's a tough night and I'm trying to stay afloat. I'm sorry. So here I am dreading for tomorrow. 4th March marks our love anniversary and I really can't do this. Not alone. My boyfriend, Andrew(25yrs) passed away on 15th January 2017. Since his passing, it's been the hardest. I miss him so much. He was literary my constant. This would have been our 5th year anniversary.

I remember what turned out to be our last date(a day before he met his untimely death) i remember it so well. I remember his hug, his laugh, his forehead kiss (he was quite shy with the PDA:rolleyes:) his last 'I love you ' We planned our anniversary on that day. Tomorrow would have been ours. 

And now, I'm all alone. I find myself being angry at him for not being here and i know this is very selfish of me . I'm angry at myself for not being with him  to save.  I have  never wished to be with him as much as today. I don't know how anyone gets through this, because right now where I stand, this looks like the end for me as well.

To a tough night and all. Thank you for reading. 

Oh. Babe you would not be very proud of your girl tonight. Giving up the fight. I'm sorry. 

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Andrew's girl,

I feel so bad for you. Sudden death is horrible. Maybe I am biased in saying this but to me it is the worst possible way to lose someone, without any warning, without any time to plan, have last words, all of that. I lost my beloved girlfriend in January as well, and like you I remember our last days together so vividly, I play those times over and over in my mind. I had been with her for nearly 6 years, and we had Valentine's day plans and even summer plans. Like you, she was my constant companion. 

Feeling angry is part of grief, don't feel bad. Don't think you're selfish because you feel angry that he's not here. Of course that makes us angry. We are experiencing the worst pain and anguish of our lives, being angry is natural. You'll feel every negative emotion there is for a while. 

Valentine's day was especially hard for me, because not only did we have plans, but I just so happened to get an advertisement in the mail for the restaurant we planned to go to - one of her favorites, a place she loved so much. It showed couples eating in the restaurant and had money off for a V-day date. I cried all over the ad. Those happy couples on that ad...That could have been me and her. 

My girl was also not really into PDA, but she was surprisingly more affectionate towards me in the last week or two she was here. At the time I loved it, I basked in it, I felt so much more connection to her and love for her. We didn't do anything inappropriate but in those last two weeks she would much more openly hug me, kiss me and say I love you in public. I have had the horrible thought that maybe a part of her, at a subconscious level, knew something was wrong. 

Don't know if you believe in an afterlife, but I have decided that I do. I believe she is still out there in spirit, waiting for me to come be with her for the rest of eternity. This doesn't bring me much comfort right now, because I know that I still have to live out the rest of my life on this planet without her, and I also have to know that she will never share this world with me again, we will never eat out at our favorite restaurants again, we will never go to our favorite stores again, we will never share those experiences we shared so closely in this world ever again...

It may be a day to just let yourself feel. Sometimes we need those. If you work, ask for the day off. I have probably taken at least one day a week to do nothing but feel and grieve. It hasn't really "helped" but I think it's still necessary. I won't ever be totally OK without her, she was my entire world, but I certainly will only be fooling myself if I try to believe that I can get past it by just forcing myself to be normal.

I like to think that she forgives me, though. She would hate to see me hurting, she would want to do anything she could to help, but she would also understand my pain. She wouldn't judge me for it. She would weep for me and wish she could be there for me. When people ask me what I think she would have wanted, my first answer is "to live". Because She wanted to live. She loved life. She had no intention, not even a fleeting conscious thought, that she might die. She was the embodiment of a happy life, and I was in it with her. I couldn't have asked for more. 

Hugs and comfort to you. Keep posting and talking.

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Andrews girl and fzald

I feel for you both so much you are both so young to have to endure this pain, life has been so cruel to you and all of us on this sight, i hate it all, andrews girl you are having a bad day, its 3months for me and theres not a second goes when i dont think of him, try focus on your love and be strong for him and his memory, to you both cherish and treasure your love and let it guide you through this awful grief x

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Andrew's Girl,

I hate the dates.  The lead up to the anniversary of the passing, or Valentine's day, or our daughters birthday.  March will be slow for me, the three month anniversary is the only one upcoming, but then in April her birthday, and our other daughters birthday, but I am not thinking that far ahead today.

Fzald is absolutely right, anger is a big part of the grief.  It is normal, it is not selfish.  Express it, let it out.  If you bottle that anger up, it will only get worse.  I'm so sorry you are having such a rough night, I know those all too well.

I don't think any of us, especially you, are giving up the fight, but sometimes we need a few minutes to pick ourselves up off the canvas.  I am positive Andrew would be, and is, proud of you.  Proud of you making it through all of these horrible moments.  Proud of you for managing things alone, but still holding in your heart the beauty that was your life with such an incredible man.  Proud of you filling your life with the knowledge that your love will never fade.

Please keep talking to us here.  Your pain is deep, and your love is strong, and we will be here to listen to you about all of it.  You are not a "downer", every story helps us all through this troubled time, both those who type them and those who read them.  Wishing you whatever comfort you can find,

Herc

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My girl's birthday was also in April. That is going to be tough one. But what I think I might do, if I feel I can at that point, is invite a group of my friends to her favorite restaurant to celebrate and remember her birthday. I can't bring myself to think of going there just yet, but it's at least a month away...

I feel like I'm slowly, slowly, slowly becoming able to "force" myself to function. I am slowly starting to get back to where I can actually get something done. But it doesn't mean I feel any better. No matter what I do, she's always in my mind. No matter how "distracted" i might seem, she's there. She's always there. She is gone from the physical world, but it's true, she lives in me. She lives in my memories, in my heart, in my head, and at this point, she's all I can truly focus on.

I miss her terribly, every single second of every single day. 

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I miss Christine terribly as well fzald.  I hope in time that those memories, the place they live in our hearts and minds, becomes a source of strength.  The pain will always be there, but so will something else, that is helping me through this dark time.  I think eventually the pain may fade, while the other gets brighter.  It may be false hope, misplaced optimism, or just outright lunacy, but I like the thought, so I am holding on to it.  I hope your girls birthday goes well, Christine's was on the third, so I have one month.  Today isn't a good day for me to be thinking about it, so I'm going to let it go for now.

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Andrew's Girl,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I too lost my husband, and best friend of nearly 45 years and the pain is still unbearable.  My heart aches like it was just yesterday.  The only thing worse than having him and losing him, would be to never have had him at all.

Thank God for the time and love you shared with Andrew, nothing nor anyone can ever take that away.  You may not know it, but you have been and still are blessed.  Know that counting your blessings will help you; Counting the losses might cripple you.

Yours sound like a true relationship filled with love; the best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That’s what you appeared to have had.

Death is simply a shedding of the physical body, like the butterfly shedding its cocoon. It is a transition to a higher state of consciousness where you continue to perceive, to understand, to laugh, and be able to grow.   We are forever connected to the people we love - that will never change. The relationship still exists, just in a different form. The physical separation is momentary, the love connection is forever.  When you are hurting search your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. A goodbye isn't painful unless you're never going to say hello again.  Words won't wipe away your tears, hugs won't ease your pain; hold on to your memories, the memories you and Andrew made and shared together; they will always be there for you and no one can ever take them away.   This life is but one step in a much greater journey. When you lose someone you love, you gain an angel you know.

Andrew's spirit is alive, as is the love between you.  Tenderly, may time heal your sorrow, gently, may friends ease your pain; softly, may peace replace your heartache and may warm memories of Andrew remain.  Life is the greatest gift that God has given us; death is only a bridge towards eternal life with God.    Know that heaven is rejoicing because Andrew's soul has finally reached its true home.

8 hours ago, Andrew's girl said:

Oh. Babe you would not be very proud of your girl tonight. Giving up the fight. I'm sorry. 

You're allowed to scream, you're allowed to cry, you're allowed to ask the 'why' questions, you're allowed to be angry, but the one thing you are NOT ALLOWED to do is GIVE UP.  You never know how strong you are until strong is the only option you have. Life is tough but so are you.   Andrew would not want his girl to give up and neither do we.   Stay Strong .

I hope you know that God has a purpose for you, for all of us.  In Jeremiah 29:11 it states, "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." .  Nothing we go through is a surprise to HIM. HE is always there to give you peace and strength, and to bring people (like this website) in your life to help you get through this difficult time.

I'm going to be checking on you and I hope you post again, whenever you feel the need to.  We are here to help one another in anyway we can.  I pray that you stay strong and God gives you the love, peace and strength to get through this most difficult time for you.  God Bless you, bless us All!

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Andrew's girl----Please do not give up the fight. The wonderful people here have been keeping me propped up. I understand your words. I've hit rock bottom many times and have thought about giving up. I have no actual intent, but have at times, given it thought. Our minds and hearts are crazy with pain at our loss. Our beloveds were our world. They were our everything. The pain and the loneliness are tough to experience and finding the strength to not go crazy and to use that strength to fight through the grieving is hard won and earned. We have to stay strong and work our way through together.

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Andrew's girl

Thank you for the kind and inspiring messages. I have read them over and over and every time I get  hope that I will make and that I'm not alone. Thank you.

This feels too heavy for me,the tears. I'm still trying to see what comes after losing you babe. I want to believe I'm strong enough to get through, but I can't seem to get over the anger I have and my pain too. I tried going for a walk earlier with my friend,I  watched as everyone was getting on with their lives,it made me sad. I kept looking for Andrew in every face. Every minute I feel my heart breaking. My mind is foggy. Things should not be like this, not for anyone. 

I don't want to give up, for myself and for Andrew. Happy 5th Anniversary babe. I love you forever and a day. I miss you. I miss you here with me.  

 

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Andrew's girl,

I am reading this and my heart is breaking for you.  You have no reason to be sorry, he would understand, he'd be having just as rough a time if it was reversed.

You had five amazing years to share...I had 6 1/2, some have 50, but from what I've observed, it's all the same.  Time doesn't exist beyond here, and no matter how much we had here together, there could never be "enough".  We want more.

 

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Andrew's girl

That's what we are here for - to try to give a little comfort to one another because we are all going through this horrible journey together.

4 hours ago, Andrew's girl said:

This feels too heavy for me,the tears. I'm still trying to see what comes after losing you babe. I want to believe I'm strong enough to get through, but I can't seem to get over the anger I have and my pain too. I tried going for a walk earlier with my friend,I  watched as everyone was getting on with their lives,it made me sad. I kept looking for Andrew in every face. Every minute I feel my heart breaking. My mind is foggy. Things should not be like this, not for anyone. 

I don't want to give up, for myself and for Andrew. Happy 5th Anniversary babe. I love you forever and a day. I miss you. I miss you here with me. 

 I am a firm believer in prayer.  It calms me and gives me peace of mind in times that I am spinning with emotions.  It allows me to tell God everything, what I'm thinking; how I'm feeling; or how much I'm hurting. I don't have to pick the things I say or try to be politically correct. It's a one-on-one conversation with my heavenly Father and myself.  I spell it all out without biting my tongue not to the point that I appear to be ungrateful or selfish or rude.   Sometimes I cry, sometimes I don't.  But don't be afraid to cry - believe me, we've all done it.  A friend ask me if 'Eyes were the window to the soul, than what are tears"?  My answer was "Tears are heaven's rain." Rain falls because the clouds can no longer handle the weight. Tears fall because the heart can no longer handle the pain. It's OK to cry; if you're in pain, remember, tears are prayers too.  They travel  to God when we can't speak.

I believe God has made you great and has great things in stored for you, for us all.   There's something magnificent about you regardless of what has happened to you in your life; regardless of how young or old you think you might be. There's something within you; a power within you that's greater than the world.  It will begin to emerge.  It will take over your life; it will feed you; clothe you, guide you, protect you, direct you, sustain your very existence, if you let it .   What I know for sure is that the pain you are experiencing can't  compare to the joy that is coming.

Don't even think about quitting now; not for yourself and definitely not for Andrew.    It is easy to replay in your mind how things have been since Andrew's death; how bad things are; how much you lost; what you are going through; how angry you are.  There is no amount of conversation or magic that is going wipe the slate clean. Even though you are hurting, stop kicking yourself.

You know you are in my prayers.  We're going to take this journey one minute at a time; gradually the minutes will turn into hours; the hours into days; the days into months etc.  You are never alone -  we are here for you, and most of all God is here for us all.  Keep strong, and be brave.    

 
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On 3/3/2017 at 6:00 PM, Francine said:

I'm going to be checking on you and I hope you post again, whenever you feel the need to.  We are here to help one another in anyway we can.  I pray that you stay strong and God gives you the love, peace and strength to get through this most difficult time for you.  God Bless you, bless us All!

Andrew's Girl

I told you I was going to be checking on you.  Hope you are feeling somewhat better.   I know it's hard but you are strong and will be OK.   Know you are in my prayers and will continue to be.  God bless you and keep you strong.    

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Perhaps you are not angry with him but angry at life, for taking him away? I do not think that is selfish. Far from it, we all love wonderful people who do not deserve to suffer or die. But it happens and all we can do is absorb the trauma as if life wasn't hard enough. You have every right to feel whatever you feel and to express yourself if you can. I am sorry you lost someone so close to you. It will hurt and no words can describe the pain. I hope we can all find a way to carry on, but the love we have will never fade.

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Agree with new133, you can be angry without being angry at the person who died. But even if you are angry at him, that's not wrong.

We are being forced to face the worst possible emotional pain people can experience. It's natural to feel a need to blame someone, something, ANYTHING for the pain we feel. Some people get angry at the one who died, thinking they should have done something differently. Others like me get angry at the thing itself that took the person from us. But anger is part of grief, and its natural and normal to feel it. It's just in how you express and manage it. A book I read suggested if you feel especially angry, try to find a place of solitude and scream. Your car in a quiet remote area works well, or your house if you are alone. Just scream and cry and curse and say whatever you need to say to the entity you're angry at. 

The pain of losing someone we love is completely indescribable. It's a pain that cuts so deep into our soul that it feels like it'll never go away. For me it still hasn't gone away at all. The knife is deep in, and now it's twisting. Each day brings me more pain, more anguish. The moments of calm I used to have sometimes have reduced, they are few and far between now. Now I spend most of my time being sad, missing her so deeply, and unable to truly focus on anything. It's a miserable existence. 

They say someday we will be able to look back on our loss and feel a sense of comfort and calm rather than pain. I hope that's true. But I hope just as much that my love is waiting for me, watching over me, waiting for a day that i finally join her. She would not want me to join her before it is my time, but I hope she will still be waiting when my time does come. 

 

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Silvergirl61

I just read your post. It's been nearly five years now for me, but those early days, and the "firsts" still come back to me. All of the despair and hopelessness, the conviction that the world would never be anything but hollow and dark again.

  It took a long time, to find things to smile about again, but I have. His memory has become a softer, more comforting presence, as time has gone on. I don't believe I will ever forget him, nor do I any longer believe I will ever entirely lose him.

  Just hold on. Take whatever time you need. Reach out to friends or family, and talk to people here. This site, and people I met here? We're one of the biggest helps I had in the dark times. I hope you're feeling a little better soon. 

There are still days, when the world just hurts. But, over the years..I've found that those days pass. Peace be with you.

 

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Andrew's girl

Thank you for all your kind words. I'm feeling a little better. Getting through our anniversary weekend was the worst,it was me hitting rock bottom.I felt as though the world was throwing it all in my face.I felt so lonely, I was angry at what I could have had on that day, but did not. I had a lot of 'what if' moments and they did not make things any better.

 

 

I miss him everyday and it's always so painful.I read somewhere that our loved ones memories will bring us warmth and comfort,I want to remember him for all the love,all the good he brought to my life.His goofy side, everything his beautiful soul shared with me.

 

 

I’m having a tough time coming to terms with how things ended. The worst thing about losing him. was how violent it was. The questions that have, some  I will never get answers to, watching as the Justice system drags his case along, seeing the accused on the papers, yeah , it is a night mare. The fact that I was not there to save him and that I never got the chance to say goodbye or  tell him I loved him.

 
Everyday I try not to fill my heart with anger and hate, some days, it is just impossible.
 
I have been told by a few to many people in my life to move on."It is time to let go of the past" This words hurt me. So I don't really talk to my friends about my pain anymore.
 
I hate that any of us is going through this, but having people that relate to my pain and understand me is helping.Thank you 
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Andrew's Girl,

I'm so glad you are feeling a bit better.  I know how much of a struggle the dates can be.  We all have those what if moments.  I managed to get past most of mine by understanding that I did everything I could, and telling myself I am not to blame.  And yet they pop up from time to time, and even the strongest logical arguments and solid reason can't dismiss them.  We should be caring of ourselves, and remind ourselves after those moments pass that we are not to blame for any of this.

I know you have a long series of legal issues in front of you.  I also know that the court system isn't perfect.  I hope you get some semblance of justice, but also know that regardless of the outcome of the case it can't change what happened.  While I don't know the agony of losing someone to violence, I know all too well the anger and hate.  I lived a large portion of my life wrapping myself in those like armor.  I know they are impossible to let go of at times.  We should be kind to ourselves.  We are in a horrible situation, and anger and hatred are absolutely understandable.  We should allow ourselves those moments, and after they have passed realize they do not define us.  We can choose to weather that storm, and then follow a different path, and doing so makes us even more caring and wonderful people.

It will never be time for us to let go of the past.  The people who say that do not get it.  It isn't their fault, they just can't comprehend what we now instinctively know.  We may eventually evolve to the point that we can both honor and remember the past, and still have full lives with joy and hope.  It seems so far off right now that we don't see how it can happen, and that is why we need to focus on the smaller things, the simple moments we need to deal with to get through.  Let time and nature work, they will do so without our help.  We simply need to help ourselves as much as we can in the meantime.  We should be patient with ourselves, and allow ourselves the time to heal.

I hope you continue to get a little better, one day at a time.  I hope you keep coming here to share your pain when you need to.  And I hope you find peace and comfort in whatever way you can,

Herc

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Andrew's girl,

I remember a short period of time feeling angry with George for leaving me.  Like he could help it!  It's okay, whatever you feel is legit, in grief, there are no bounds, we feel what we feel, it doesn't even have to make sense and many times it doesn't.  It just is what it is, and it's okay to feel it.  We get through it, somehow.  And you won't likely feel that anger forever.  If it's prolonged, then you can see a professional for it, but most of the time it's just a part of the grief.

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Andrew's girl----I've felt anger also. One of the many emotions connected to our tragedy of loss. I'm not angry at my husband, he tried his best to stay with me in this life. I am angry with the health conditions that took him away. The health conditions that caused his body betrayal in continuing life.

Your tragedy of loss is different, I understand. You have every right to feel anger .I hope the justice system works in your favor. Then, maybe you can forgive also. Forgiveness will help with true healing. My prayers for comfort and peace to you.

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KMB,

I like your way of thinking about anger. I too am not angry at my girlfriend for leaving me. For a short time I felt this, but I realized that she had absolutely no desire to leave this world. The thought of actually dying wasn't anywhere on her mind. We had discussed it in passing, intellectually, but never as a serious issue to address at this point in her life. But what I am mad at is the fact that it's even possible for someone her age to drop dead suddenly from an internal, undetected medical condition. It's bad enough when people die suddenly from careless behavior engaged in by other people, or by horrible acts of violence. But it's another when someone dies suddenly with nobody to blame.

When someone is shot, or someone carelessly texts and drives, and someone dies as a result, you have someone to direct anger at, at least indirectly. But when someone dies from a medical condition that was completely undetected, it's different. You can't be angry at any one person. She didn't know she had an aneurysm, or else she would have addressed it. Her family, her friends, even I, didn't have any idea, we didn't even consider the possibility she might die. But can I be upset at everyone, even me, for not recognizing it? Not really. But what I can be angry at is the fact that it's even possible for the human body to be so fragile, for it to be possible that someone at the tender young age of 22 can simply die without warning, taking with her an entire lifetime of happiness and plunging me into darkness and despair. I'm not mad at her, i'm mad at the aneurysm. I'm mad that it burst. I'm mad that the burst caused her to die. I'm mad that her body was unable to recover from the situation. I'm mad that this is even possible.

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Andrew girl,

Hope you don't mind, but I feel like I've adopted you in a sense. I'm glad you are feeling somewhat better - it helps, but don't be surprised that in the next moment,  you feel like you've hit 'rock bottom' again and you feel like hell.  Remember when you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up.   The lonely moments, the angry and the 'what if'; questions are normal and more than not, will happen again.

I know you feel that Andrew was stolen from you, but the way to have him live on is never to stop loving him.  It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, and a day to love them, but it takes an entire lifetime to forget them. Losing someone like Andrew is going to affect you; it is buried inside of you and becomes this big, deep hole of ache. It doesn’t magically go away, even when you stop officially mourning.  They say that a part of us dies when a special loved one passes away…I disagree…I say a part of us lives with that loved one on the other side.  I hope you find comfort in knowing that your life have been enriched by having shared Andrew's love.  If you feel as if you going through a living hell; then keep going, don't slow down.  Sometimes we must go through hell to get to Heaven.  

If you must, cry; tears have a wisdom all their own; they come when a person has relaxed enough to let go and to work through their sorrow. They are the natural bleeding of an emotional wound, carrying the poison out of the system. When you think about it, tears water our growth.  The beginning to the road of recovery.

I know you sometimes feel anger and hate in your heart, but in a world filled with hate, try to have hope; in a world filled with anger, try to have comfort; in a world filled with despair; try to still dream; and in a world filled with distrust, try to believe.

People can say some of the insensitive things.  I generally give people the benefit of the doubt and suggest to you that their responses come from ignorance and fear.   If they haven’t been through a similar situation, they have no frame of reference and truly do not understand your feelings.  To add to that, I would say that they can’t imagine being in your situation and that the thought of it terrifies them.  Don't take it personally and I doubt that many people would sincerely criticize you for your feelings.  True Friends aren't the ones who make your problems disappear; they are the ones who won't disappear when you're facing problems.  You can tell them anything and they will always find a way to help you

We can endure much more than we think we can; all human experience testifies to that. All we need to do is learn not to be afraid of pain. Accept that it will come; don’t deny it, don’t be overwhelmed by it and release it. It will not last forever. One day, the pain will be gone and you will still be there.

You know you are in my prayers.  Keep strong and be blessed.  We are here for you and for one another.  God Bless and God Speed.

 

 

 

 

 

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A lot of people feel angry with God for not preventing it.  I know we've had that discussion here before.  Theologically, I understand it's not as simple as all that.  But our emotions don't have to make any sense, we have only to live through them.  It's common to feel that but thankfully most of us come through to the other side, realizing He didn't cause their death or will it, but He was with us all the while we have been going through this.  That's brought me some sense of comfort.

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Thank you KayC. I truly believe it does no good to "blame" God for our losses. I do not believe God has any malice within Him. Things happen, and God can't prevent it any more than we can. But God can protect us, support us, and help us through these times. And God can watch over those we've lost, help them transition, and make sure they're waiting for us when it is our turn. That's the best we can hope for now with our lost loves, that someday we will be able to reunite with them in the great next world, and that God will have done all He can do there to keep them safe and healthy and happy for our return.

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Andrew's girl
On 3/8/2017 at 2:09 AM, Francine said:

Andrew girl,

Hope you don't mind, but I feel like I've adopted you in a sense. I'm glad you are feeling somewhat better - it helps, but don't be surprised that in the next moment,  you feel like you've hit 'rock bottom' again and you feel like hell.  Remember when you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up.   The lonely moments, the angry and the 'what if'; questions are Each day I see things different.

 
Thanking each of you for the kind messages. 
 
I am not doing too well.
 
I was feeling better one day and the next i felt like i was back to where i started.Things feel raw, the pain ,the confusion ,the anger everything is back. I felt like I was taking one step towards finding peace, but now my heart is back to screaming with pain. 
I know this moments will always happen I thought however they would be get easier with time, the healing would start?
I can barely get through doing the necessities, I am scared all the time, which right now is worse . I have been staying alone for the first since all this happened, i have not moved any of his things ,I'm sleeping in my living room the idea of sleeping in my bed seems impossible. Even with this I barely get a goodnight sleep.I do not have any nightmares but I always find myself up at around 2am, scared, so I stay up until I leave for work ,where I barely function. I have gone to the bathroom more times than I would like to admit, just to get some space to breakdown . I know i should allow myself time to feel every emotion but this is the scariest thing I have had to do in my 24 years, 
There moments I feel Andrew is beside me, especially when I'm at home alone.I talk to him (as weird as this may sound)but I end up loosing it.I cry because I want him back, i need him. There things I never had to do myself because he always took care of them.Now i'm dragging a lot to "I will do the 'tomorrow'"

I miss you babe.I will find the light someday.

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Andrew's Girl,

I am sorry for the up's and downs.  I have had quite a few of those in the past few days.  This is going to be a very long process for all of us. Remember at the low points just to take it one moment at a time.  Breath and do whatever you have to to get through it.  If you need to go to the bathroom, go.  I took cigarette breaks to get up and away from it at first.  I am now to the point where I just tell people the loss is hitting me, and excuse myself.  Either they will understand, or they won't, and that is not my problem.  I know at work sometimes you just can't walk away if you are in the middle of something, so it can't always be this way, but I am no longer shy about telling people I am having trouble, and I have actually found that now that I have gotten to that point, I need to walk away far less frequently.  Hoping you find some comfort,

Herc

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Andrew's girl----- This journey of grieving is comparable to a roller coaster. The emotions are swirling constantly up and down. This journey is not what we wanted, not what we expected. It was forced onto us by the complicated way that life sometimes works.Life's meaning is to love and be loved in return. We were fortunate to find that love and for a length of time we were able to embrace it.But, for whatever reason, it was taken away.

Hang in there the best you can. We are here for each other, sharing pain, giving hope and comfort.

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Andrew's Girl,

Know that you are going to get through this and we are all here to help you as much as we can.  I know what you are experiencing, being OK one moment and the next moment, you're right back down to rock bottom.  Eventually, it will get better, no I don't like the word 'better', let's say it will be more bearable.  Of course you are frighten, we all are, there is no manual telling us how to get through this horrible pain, no instructions.  It's all new, but we will get through it with the help of God and each other.  I haven't removed any of my Charles belongings either; I for some reason, think by removing his belongings would be, in some ways, removing him and I'm just not ready to do that.

You must get enough sleep and food to function properly and might think about seeing a professional if it persist much longer. I didn't know Andrew, but from what you have posted, he would want you to.  Andrew didn't fall in love with a quitter, a scared-cat, a pushover; a loser; no not at all,  he fell in love and still loves a fighter, a warrior, a champion - his champion - YOU.   So if you breakdown, that's OK, we all have and will probably do again.  Cry your eyes out, if you must, knowing that your tears fall because your heart can no longer handle the pain you feel.   I feel your pain; pain is a part of life, it is what makes us human. It shapes us the same as love and laughter. You will never forget Andrew, nor should you, but please don't let the pain destroy you.  Conquer the pain; don't let it conquer you.  When you look on our life, you may see pain, mistakes and heartbreak, but God sees strength, learned lessons and joy in you.

Andrew's spirit is alive, I truly believe that.  It is often in our darkest hour that the light of God's presence shines the brightest.  You have never lost the light; it is and has always been within you.  All you need do is let it shine.   Be careful that you don't shine so others can see you; Shine so that through you, others can see HIM.

I pray that God's Holy Spirit will teach you; HIS wisdom will guide you, and HIS love will move you and that you become the lamp that offers HIS light to others.  Hugs to you; you know you are always in my prayers.  Stay Strong and God Bless you, keep us all, safe.

 

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Hi Andrew'girl

You've been on my mind lately and I'm just checking to see how you are doing.  I hope things are getting better for you and wanted you to know you are in  my prayers.

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Hey there

Just checking to see how you are getting along?  I hope you are doing somewhat better than the last time we chatted.   Sending prayers your way in the hopes that you're OK.  God Bless you keep you strong.

 

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