Still can't cope with it

[1990dalewatkins]

Hi all

Not normally one to sign up to something like this and express myself but thought I would give it ago..

I lost my mum 5 years ago a month before my 21st birthday.. she was 42 years old and died of emphysema I didn't know she was dieing and was a complete shock .. I found it very hard to cope at first drinking  daily smoking weed just to numb myself for a year straight and I slowly got myself to wake up and face the truth the truth that she's gone I sorted my life out got a job bought a dream car she used to say she would buy me if she won the lottery nothing fancy but a car iv always liked.. now 5 years on I had my first child and I feel like I'm back in that hole I'm not drinking or smoking to numb myself and finding it hard to get through it.. my mum to describe was a very family orientated women gave us the world we didn't have a lot growing up but she still managed to give us the best she could and always wanted to be grandmother she loved kids.. like your mums the person u wanna go to ask advice etc just give u the support u need and I feel so alone.. my partner doesn't understand how I feel and I have tried to explain it but she doesn't understand how I feel it's hard for someone to when they haven't experienced it for themself's I just don't know what to do I can't cope I would give anything to have her back just hear her voice her advice and I just don't feel like I'm ever gonna get over the fact she isn't coming back I'm never gonna hear her voice see her hold he grandchild see her smile.. people say it gets easier in time but I'm just finding it harder 

[reader]

Dear 1990dalewatkins,

I'm so sorry to hear about your pain and sorrow. I think losing a beloved parent is a terrible shock. I don't think any of us can fathom how painful it would be. Its only natural after such a shocking loss we could try and find comfort with whatever we can. I can relate to what you are saying because this is how I feel about the loss of my father. I wanted to badly for him to be around to see his grandchildren grow up more. I hear you. I think its gets harder and harder too. I don't know how to come to terms with my new normal, new reality sometimes.

I know everyone is different but don't be afraid to get help or see out support. I've always been a quiet person. But I my mind wont' rest since my dad passed away. I have tried talking to a counselor, joining a support, reading different websites, different books, hoping to find some comfort and understanding. I don't want to give up because I know I have to carry on for my dad's sake.

I'm glad you are here to express yourself and share your story. You are not alone. There is so much support on this forum

Take care of yourself. Thinking of you.

 

 

 

 

 

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