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Missing my Little Dog with a Big Heart


Sol

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Two days ago, I had to put down my best friend of 14 years, Titoy. 

Titoy was a blessing to our family. Around Christmas 2002, we lost my Uncle Larry, or Titoy as his family called him, to a tragic accident. As a part of our grieving, my parents decided to consider getting a puppy to bring some joy back to our lives. My parents took me to the breeder just to see what kind of puppy we might get in the near future. As soon as I sat on the couch, this little guy crawled into my lap and looked up at me with that crooked look of his as if to say "You're taking me home, right?" That's when I knew we were meant to be together. It's as if HE chose ME. That day, we unexpectedly came home with a puppy and decided to name him Titoy.

From then on, we were inseparable. Titoy was my very best friend. He was with me through everything from ages 9 to 23. He was like my shadow, following me absolutely everywhere I went. As a young pup, he was full of so much energy, playing fetch and jumping over the obstacle courses I'd make for him for hours. Titoy was a funny, sweet, quirky, feisty, loving spirit until the day he went to rest. 

As he got older, Titoy began to slow down as all dogs eventually do. His hearing and eyesight got a bit worse and he wasn't as spritely as he used to be. The most notable difference was that after a few rounds of fetch, he would start coughing. I wish I had known at the time that coughing was an early sign of heart failure. 

A little over a week ago, I noticed that Titoy was acting funny. His breathing was rapid and he wouldn't eat or move. I took him to the vet where we found out Titoy suffers from a heart murmur and his heart was twice the size it should be, making it hard for him to breathe. After two days of treatment, he came back home with us. Although his heart failure was irreparable, we put him on meds in hopes of managing his symptoms and making him more comfortable. After a week of meds, Titoy declined rapidly over night. Poor thing was essentially suffocating. 

I took him into the vet and I told them that it was time to put my baby to rest. I knew it was the right decision by the way he looked at me. Throughout his life, Titoy would get seizures. Right before his seizures would happen, Titoy would find me and look at me with panic in his eyes as if to say "Please help me". He looked at me that day and I knew that was it. Among many other things, Titoy has taught me unconditional love. Even when he knew it was time for him to go soon, he was the one comforting me. As I held him, he looked up at me, JUST as he had the first day we met, and kissed my tears away as if to say, "Don't be sad, mommy! It's not goodbye, just see you later. But it's time for me to go now." He went down peacefully and I'm happy he's finally free now.

As I came home to my empty house, I never could have anticipated the loss I feel. I feel like I've lost a best friend and a child all at once. I keep expecting him to see him waiting at the top of the stairs waiting to greet me when I come in the front door. Expecting to hear his footsteps right behind me. To wake up with him cuddled next to me every morning. 

My heart physically hurts. I can't stay asleep because my chest is so heavy, sometimes it's hard to breathe. However, I know that over time, thinking of Titoy won't be as painful as it is now. In a way, I consider myself lucky to have gotten to say goodbye to him the way I did. The last thing he experienced was me holding him and he did not go in pain. It brings me solace knowing he's running around in doggy heaven right now, peaceful and care-free. 

I hope you know how much I love you Titoy. Thanks for choosing me to be part of your life. I can't wait to see you soon. 

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Sol, A loving tribute to your Titoy!  Such a cute, little guy! He had a beautiful life with you. Some pets are not so lucky to have a loving home. It is a hard decision to make to have a pet put to sleep. You did it with a loving heart and for the best interest of Titoy. An unselfish act of love. He was your best friend, companion, an extension of family. We wish they could live forever. Titoy will always remain in your heart. Like you said, he is in doggy heaven, running around and playing. You will be reunited with him again someday. And then you will never be apart.

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Sol,

Your little Titoy is so adorable, and those big eyes looking at you must have really got to your heart!  I'm glad you had the years you did with him, but I know all too well how hard it is to say "so long", it's a huge adjustment for you, and it must seem all too quiet.  You cared for him the best you could, even making the right decision for HIM in the end.  I truly believe we'll be together again, the body gives out but the spirit and the love continues.  I'm sorry for your loss.

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iwouldhireme

Sol, I was tearing up reading your post about Titoy. He was such an adorable little guy  and it sounds like you gave him an amazing life. I am in the same boat as you are right now. I just lost my cat last week. I know those feelings that you are describing very well. The pain just sears through you and it is unlike anything else I have ever felt. I hope that you will find peace in time and that soon his memories will bring you smiles. Sending you giant hugs!!

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