Life without my mum

[Idontknow]

Hi

i lost my mother in January , after a sudden problem over the course of 6days and neglect from the hospital my mother passed away.

my family members are not coping well at all I'm so worried that my only sibling is getting into a depression and having sucidial thoughts, my mum was everything to my family we are living in a healthy state no proper meals, may takeaways and just small breakdowns. my dad is left home with my youngest sister and he is struggling with dealing with a young teen, she having problems in school , I being trying to help everybody cope but taking more responsible as the only boy I sorted a school issue she has but I'm at university and I don't know how long I can carry on.

is it healthy to put on a front everyday as if you are ok, I cry most of the time in silence to not let ppl know or I hide it from family because they struggling. But trying to pull your family forward is hard I don't think I can do it for long. When you behave like your the strongest person but to be far I'm struggling uni is getting on top of me , but if drop out it is just another problem we don't need. I really don't know how to survive.

 

we are aged siblings 14,20,26

[reader]

Dear Idontknow,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your mother. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know there is a lot on your young shoulders. You are a strong young man for trying to help your family. I know you are trying to hold things together and keep going forward the best you can. For your sister, is she able to get some counseling through school?

Please know you are normal in your feelings. After such a devastating and traumatic loss sometimes it feels like its easier to hide our emotions. But please don't feel you have to bear this pain alone. Try to find a private moment and let your self grieve. Try to support yourself with loving friends and family. And if possible consider accessing counseling services through the university.

During this difficult time,  I know its hard to keep on top of your studies at uni. I don't know if you can speak to your professors and they could give you an extension. Even a two week breathing period might be helpful.

Take care and I will be thinking of you and your family.

 

[JoMarie]

Hi There,

I am so sorry about the loss of your mother. I lost my mom on 10/29/16 from terminal breast and brain cancer. I spent a very long time watching her suffer, and a lot of it rested on my shoulders, as my younger brother was not able to really handle what was happening. Everything was on me-appointments, treatments, ER trips, etc. It's hard for everyone to lose a parent, but it's even harder when you are young. 

Everything that you are feeling is totally normal. Sometimes I still feel like I am in denial about what actually happened. My mother was the rock of my family, and my very best friend. I feel like a limb has been cut off. Sometimes I will just think of something at work and I burst into tears. Grief comes and goes, and sometimes it smacks you right in the face, and sometimes it's hard to feel anything at all.

You have to take care of yourself. Before you can even take care of your sister or your father, you have to make sure you take care of you. I had a very hard time trying to balance that. Sometimes you feel guilty about taking care of you and not other people, but you have to take some time. I can only imagine how hard it is to study, but perhaps you can ask for some time from your professors to gather your thoughts and feelings. I went to work the next day after my mom passed, and that wasn't the best idea in the world. If not, try and seek out a support group on campus. It really helps to talk everything out instead of keeping it in.

I hope that helps. It probably doesn't, and that's ok. It will get better with time. Take every day one day at a time.

Sending love

xo