Members babypeanut Posted February 25, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 25, 2017 i went through a period of feeling very alone this evening & i guess some of the shock has worn off. i started crying, made myself call someone, got hysterical & told them i had to go. i was still in a panic so i made myself call someone else, who talked to me for a while and i was able to talk to them until i actually felt the feelings become manageable. this was the first real cry i've had since 2/6 when this happened. i even would have liked to have seen someone in person but there was nobody i could've done that with. anyway, i managed. i hope i haven't offended anyone in any of my past posts, if i have, i apologize. i don't know what i did but i thank those of you whom did deign to respond to me. again, my sincere apologies & best wishes to all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted February 25, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 25, 2017 You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. We have been dealt a huge blow by our respective losses. What we are all going through is hell, our worst nightmares. Thank God for this forum. We can go insane with grieving here and not be judged for it. A truly safe place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members fzald Posted February 25, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 25, 2017 Babypeanut, You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for with us, to feel bad for with us or anything. Every one of us here has lost someone very special to us. Our losses are all different, but we all have grief in common. Everyone here has had rough days and good days. You are even less into the journey than I am, by at least a week, and I still am a wreck, a mess, still desperate for any relief. Crying is good. When you need to cry, do it. Never let anyone tell you not to cry. We need to experience the full force of our grief, the truth about our losses, and it's the most painful thing a person can go through. Part of that journey is crying, feelings of depressions, panic attacks, despair, longing, anger, even denial and imagining they're not gone. Never try to fight your feelings. Let them happen. Post on this board whenever you need to talk. You can also send me a private message if you like. I've been writing on here every day for almost a month and I'm not sure where I'd be without it. I'm one month in to my own loss and it still feels like it was only yesterday. I can still remember my lost girlfriend so vividly, so clearly. I still feel like she is supposed to call me or text me. I still can't imagine a lifetime without her. She meant so much to me and she left the world so suddenly, no warning. One minute here, the next gone forever Life is cruel sometimes. But, my girlfriend was known as someone who made people happy, who always lent a helping hand whenever she could, even when she was suffering inside she was there for you. I am trying my best to carry on her legacy, even though I am hurting like I have never hurt before, I try to be here for the rest of us who need so badly just to talk. Take care. Hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators ModHerc Posted February 25, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted February 25, 2017 I agree there is nothing to appologize for. Please say whatever you need to, whatever will ease your mind, even if only for a second. You may not be able to see us in person, but we are there for you. Your friends are obviously there as well. One thing I have found through this experience is that when people say "any thing I can do to help" they generally mean it. There are exceptions to the rule of course, but for the most part if someone tells you that, they actually feel a need to help. Remember anyone who knew your loved one is grieving as well. They want to provide aid and assistance because they need the outlet for their grief as well. If you need contact, suggest a dinner get together, they will be thrilled by the prospect of helping and remembering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members fzald Posted February 25, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 25, 2017 Herc, you make a good point, anyone who knew your beloved, even those who didn't know the person as intimately as you, will still be grieving. Friends who knew them, family members, even co-workers, or other close acquaintances. Your grief might be one of the most difficult experiences you'll ever experience, but that does not mean others are not grieving. Everyone grieves differently and every connection is different. My mom is grieving the loss of my girlfriend because she really liked her, she saw her as a family member already even though we weren't married yet, and she wanted to see us have the future we wanted and, yes, have grandchildren. She is grieving the loss, not as hard as I am, but she is. Never be afraid to lean on people. In times like this the best thing you have is friends, family and even strangers who want to help you any way they can. All of us here may not know you or your beloved, but we do know grief, we know how agonizing and painful this experience is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Stonesie Posted February 25, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 25, 2017 No need to apologize for anything. I know that over the last couple of months as I look back, if I happen to be having a decent day (those are still rare), I think oh wow....did I really do that? Grieving does things to us and makes us say and think and do things that we wouldn't have in the normal world. Hugs to you. Cry anytime you need to also. To me it feels like it helps heal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members babypeanut Posted February 25, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted February 25, 2017 thanks everyone, two things my guy didn't like were unnecessary apologies & beating myself up. i've always had the tendency to isolate. & for the last 10 years, i didn't really need anyone because i had my support all in one place. now that that's gone, i really just don't know how or who to reach out to. i've always stayed as far away from my emotions as i could, so, i'm glad i finally had that cry, and that i was able to get a hold of someone to talk to. i'm really not used to being alone like this, i actually usually like it. but, now that i know he will never be back, well, that's different isn't it? i'm crying a little now, not trying to stop it but that's how it's been going, little here & there, big one last night. i really did feel better after. i have plenty to do, i'm going to move, no shortage of busywork there. will be going to the cemetery on wed. with some of his family. i'm not at all looking forward to it, but, i know i should, and will. i also have to go through some stuff at his mom's house. if not before, i'm sure i will be here around that time. @fzald, your girlfriend sounds exactly like the same type of person as my boyfriend. he was 57, wed would've been his birthday. it really brings that 'only the good die young' saying to mind. thanks again so much to all who responded, hoping we can all have a good day and weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 25, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted February 25, 2017 babypeanut, It's important to allow ourselves to feel our grief, we can't experience healing by avoidance, so even though it hurt and you cried, I'm glad you got it out and found someone to be there for you even if it was over the phone. Some people want to help but don't know how and sometimes we have to tell them expressly what we need from them. I've kind of wondered about "the good die young" too, sure seems that way, doesn't it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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