Mom on hospice, kind of lost

[Sharonj]

Hello, 

This is my first post. My mother is on hospice with lung cancer. I really do not know where to turn to. I have best friends, or at least I thought were best friends, have barely checked on me. I swear I am going near crazy. My doc was less willing to help with my meds. Is this normal??

[reader]

Dear Sharonj,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom being in hospice care. I know this is a very difficult time. Does the hospice offer any counseling? Or support groups? You are not alone. We are all here to support you. Please don't be so hard on your best friends. I don't know if they are afraid or worried about saying the wrong things. It wouldn't hurt to reach out to them and say you need their support now more than ever. Thinking of you. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

[Dots89]

Hello,

 

I am so sorry that you're going through this really hard time. It's overwhelming, scary and constant. I remember being next to my mother everyday 24/7 and feeling exhausted, sad and angry. It's unfortunate that you have to even ask but, reach out, people will rise to the occasion. I have a very large family and some really close and others ...not so much. I never saw too many friends come around until she passed.  

The power of asking is great and I'm also sorry your doctor doesn't seem too helpful. I don't know anything about being on medication for anything

 

[Earthwalker003]

Hi Sharon.

My Mom went to Heaven a little over 2yrs ago. She had COPD. I was in the Travel business, jumped out, became a nurse, jumped back into Corp America..

My Mom went into Hospice Care in Nov of 2014. She was here with me and my Aunt at home. I nursed her daily, with Hospice visiting daily. I never had a problem with the nursing end of it, but I never factored the Daughter part in. We spent months talking about life and death. Mu Mom made the decision to go critical herself. Going critical means 24/7 care by Hospice. I am so grateful she did that, I would have never gotten over being the one to give her the last Morphine.

There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her. I miss her so very very much. My family leaves mostly in another state. so I deal w all the emotions with the help of Hospice. My Mom went to Heaven on a Sunday and my Aunt started hemorrhaging the next day. Seven weeks later, she went to Heaven.

My girls, my life role were gone.

I'm still not over losing her, I'm in a state called obstructive grieving. This is where outside requirements make you deal w taking care of closing estates, lawyers, more lawyers.

Talk with the Hospice counselors. It may be advice u've already been given, but it is a release. As far as your Dr, shame on him. He needs to realize your coping skills are maxed out. He either needs to up ur meds, change them or add something.. He took an oath, as does every healthcare giver...to be an advocate for the patient, to do the best for the patients well being. He doesn't sound like he's doing that.

I hope this helped. For me personally, there's not a Dr in the world that can repair a broken heart. I wanted someone to just "take over", I didn't want to deal w it. I wanted to run, hide...but my responsibilities did not allow me to do that. I wanted a hero, no hero showed up. I became my own hero with God's help and the Hospice counselors. I still hurt, Many nites I cry myself to sleep over my Mom. And it's ok. I'm stronger than I ever knew I was. I'm coming out of the fog. I'm letting people back in and kicking all the ppl who do not add value to my life out.

Medically, talk to your DR. if he does nothing, find another one. If your meds aren't working and your coping skills are maxed out...you will get lost.

I'll walk the path of healing with you.  I'm here.

Grieving is the price we pay for loving.  It hurts, it rips ur heart up....but I wouldn't give that love up for anything. It's well worth the grieving, she made my life better, she built the foundation I now stand on. Thanks Mom.