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Partner died suddenly


Claire95

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November 28, 2016 my life was changed in a split second. My partner of 2 years died in a terrible road accident on his way to work. I wasn't told for hours which made it harder but i knew something was wrong that day at work when i hadn't heard from him but hearing those words my stomach dropped. I didn't know what to do, I had to find out for myself whether this was true I called his mother in tears wanting her to tell me it was all a mistake but she couldn't do that. I kept thinking of the what if's and of my future. My future which now wouldn't involve him. I couldn't bear to think of this and even to this day i can't. Everyone tells me to take one day at a time otherwise i will become overwhelmed but i'm in a permanent state of overwhelm. I don't want to do anything anymore as it doesn't involve him. He was my soul mate, my best friend. A part of me died that day and i don't think i will ever get that part of me back. I have lost so much these past 3 months from him to his family, his dog, our mutual friends and even some of my friends who aren't able to be there for me. We planned our whole future from travelling to europe in a few months to get engaged to moving out of home, getting married and having kids. We did everything together and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and even die together. 

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Claire95,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your soulmate and for the state of sorrow you're in. It's also distressing to hear about friends who've pulled away from you in your most desperate hour. Unfortunately I understand all to well some of what you're dealing with. Being overwhelmed is completely expected, and dealing with things in the smallest incriminates is the easiest, if not most practical, way to face things. But practical went out the window. Please take care of yourself, keep posting here, the people here are incredible and will advise and share in a desire to help you as much as they can. 

Peace and comfort to you, 

Andy

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i'm sorry sweetheart, i recently lost my partner of 10 years within a week, i'm working through that pain and emptiness too. it is so hard, there is really nothing that can make it go away. of course you lost a piece of yourself that you cannot get back. i completely understand not wanting to do anything, i feel that way most of the time. of course this is overwhelming, how could it not be? the one important thing i see here is that you reached out and asked for some help. i tend to hide when i'm in pain, my sweetheart died almost 2 weeks ago now. and i have just started to respond to people who have been trying to get in touch with me. i have to force myself to do things i need to do, but i do, then things get done. i hope you will keep sharing your feelings here, and find things that you can do to help yourself. i saw you are an animal lover, you might consider volunteering to help an animal rescue group or shelter in your area, or another cause that would interest you. when i allow myself to just sit and feel all the awful feelings, it is like a trap for me, very hard to get out. i made a commitment to go to the shelter i volunteer with tomorrow, i haven't been there since before my situation started. another good thing is that i meet people that i have things in common with, one woman that works there & i have become good friends. i hope you don't mind the suggestions, these are just things i find are helping me. my kitties send you purrs.

we'd like some of you food. now. 20160701_225048.jpg

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2 hours ago, Claire95 said:

 We did everything together and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and even die together. 

I am so sorry for you and feel your pain.  I lost the love of my life on December 6, 2016 and like you, was lost, didn't know what to do, didn't believe it was real, in a daze.  It is so difficult when one knows their loved one is going to make their transition, but for it to happen suddenly is unimaginable and unreal.  It is apparent that with the little time you shared, you loved a lifetime.  I also thought my husband and I would spend the rest of our lives together - he got his wish - He spent the rest of his life with me loving me until the end.  Damn, I was so proud to be his wife and so grateful to be allowed to share my love with this man for nearly 45 years. 

It gives me comfort, and I hope for you as well,  in just knowing that our loved ones have entered into the kingdom of God and they posses a joy and peace that is unattainable on this earth.  They are in everlasting and total happiness with the angles.  That's got to be amazing.  I pray that God will enlighten what's dark in you; strength what's weak in you; mend what's broken in you; bind what's bruised in you; heal what's sick in you; and lastly, revive whatever peace and love has died in you.  Through all this pain and darkness, know there is a healing light that somehow will shine through.  

At your lowest, know God is your hope; at your weakest, God is your strength, at your saddest, God is your comforter.  Whatever you are going through and wonder where God is, know that he is there, remember the teacher is always quiet during a test.  

I hope you continue to post.  There are a lot of amazing people here who will not only share story, but are able to give you the comfort and support you need.  God Bless and keep you, keep all of us safe.  

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Claire95,

I am so sorry for your loss, and although you have had people pull away at this hard time please find comfort in the fact that there are so many wonderful people on this site who are willing to support you and listen to everything you have to say. Unfortunately no-one can take the pain away or make it right, but your hand will be held throughout the difficult time. 

I lost my boyfriend of 3 years suddenly, as well as my entire future I had planned with him. There is nothing that can describe the pain of losing a future you have planned with someone you love so dearly. I'm only 21 and was looking forward to buying a house, getting married, having children and i feel as though all of this has been taken away from me. He was the love of my life and always will be. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

Please take each day at a time, don't rush anything especially your grieving and know that everyone is here to support x

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Claire,

I am so sorry, I know how hard this is, we've all been through it here...and unfortunately, many of us also experienced our friends disappearing.  It doesn't necessarily mean they don't care but it's a flaw in them that they don't know how to respond.  Many people want to "fix" the situation and since they can't, they withdraw.  A lot of us have found new friends that are more understanding and giving, and that has helped.

I hope you'll continue to come here and post, it can be a great comfort to have this site where you know you'll be understood and cared about.

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Claire95,  I am sorry for the loss of your beloved soulmate and your future plans. It is so much harder to cope when you start losing everyone else along the way, family, friends, etc. You feel like you are all alone and no one is there for you. I get that, it happened to me also. It is just the human way I guess, no one knows what to say or do to help, so they avoid and deflect.

You have us here, Claire. Post anytime you need to, about anything. We understand and care. This forum has become my life line. May it become yours also.

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babypeanut,  You have 2 beautiful kitties! They must bring you a lot of comfort at this devastating time. I am sorry for the loss of your partner. I understand all of your feelings and emotions. This is the most horrendous journey we'll be on in our life time. Our soulmates meant everything to us and our world revolved around them. I have a dog and a cat that bring me comfort and some degree of company. I don't know where I would be without them. One day at a time is all we can do. Hugs to you.

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7 minutes ago, KMB said:

babypeanut,  You have 2 beautiful kitties! They must bring you a lot of comfort at this devastating time. I am sorry for the loss of your partner. I understand all of your feelings and emotions. This is the most horrendous journey we'll be on in our life time. Our soulmates meant everything to us and our world revolved around them. I have a dog and a cat that bring me comfort and some degree of company. I don't know where I would be without them. One day at a time is all we can do. Hugs to you.

thank you. they can be very naughty but that is who they are & i wouldn't have them any other way. one of the last conversations i had with him was: (me) i feel so alone. (him) me too.  i'm feeling that so much now, entirely my doing, but, the feelings can be rough at times. guess i'll just have to get used to it. yes, one day at a time is best. hugs & purrs from here :)

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Claire95,

Your soulmates passing was so sudden the shock must be overwhelming.  I am so sorry that you have endured further loss as well.  Everyone here knows the relentless grind of life moving around them, when they are not ready or willing to have the world continue to turn without their love.

One day at a time is good advice, but there are all too many times when I have to take it one hour, minute, second, or even breath at a time.  I often have to let myself be overwhelmed by the loss, there is no other way I can be.  I let myself do nothing because a part of me died.  Then I breathe, for as long as it takes and try to come to the understanding that it also means a part of my love still lives within me.  I hope you find some peace and comfort.

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