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Almost 3 year ago


Clifford

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May I try to tell you again where you're only comfort lies? It is not in forgetting the happy past. People bring as well meant but miserable consolations  when they tell us what time or do to help our grief. We do not want to lose our grief, because our grief is bound up with our love  and we could not cease to mourn with that being robbed of our affections. Philip brooks 

 I lost my wife after being with her for 33 years we met as teenagers. I still miss her every single day. It does get better but it will never be The same, ever.

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Clifford,

Thanks for extending the hope of it getting better, we all need that.  I am certain your life together was wonderful, and she was obviously taken from you far too soon.  I hope these aren't simply miserable consolations, but a spark for remembering the happy past.  I hope you find peace and comfort from the wonderful people here, as well as anywhere else you may be,

Herc

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Clifford, You are right. We do miss our beloveds every single day. Life, ourselves, will never be the same. We can only continue on, coexisting with our loss.

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5 hours ago, Herc said:

Clifford,

Thanks for extending the hope of it getting better, we all need that.  I am certain your life together was wonderful, and she was obviously taken from you far too soon.  I hope these aren't simply miserable consolations, but a spark for remembering the happy past.  I hope you find peace and comfort from the wonderful people here, as well as anywhere else you may be,

Herc

Thanks Herc, 

 Sometimes I just think it's strange that I still worry about her all the time. And I am grateful for the time that we did have together.  This is the first time that I actually reached out to have any kind of forum.  I thank you for your response. 

Cliff

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7 hours ago, KMB said:

Clifford, You are right. We do miss our beloveds every single day. Life, ourselves, will never be the same. We can only continue on, coexisting with our loss.

That is it exactly isn't it?

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3 hours ago, Clifford said:

Thanks Herc, 

 Sometimes I just think it's strange that I still worry about her all the time. And I am grateful for the time that we did have together.  This is the first time that I actually reached out to have any kind of forum.  I thank you for your response. 

Cliff

I don't think it is strange at all.  You spent 33 years of your life loving her.  You wanted to love her for for the rest of your life as well.  You still will, as everyone here will always love the ones we lost, but it is a different lind of love, and one that is often difficult to process.  This is a place of unfortunate understanding, to borrow a phrase, a club that no one wants to join.  I'm glad you reached out, and hope that if you feel the need you will continue to do so.

Herc

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Clifford,  No matter if our loss was yesterday, or a few years ago, we will always be grieving. Thank you for finding this forum. You can say whatever you need to here. We are all friends, needing comfort and understanding. You miss your beloved wife, you always will. It is a physical separation, one that constantly hurts. The love you two shared, it is always there. You will carry that love with you, it will help to sustain you. For myself, I like to think of my husband having to live somewhere else. His physical body wouldn't let him stay here on earth anymore. I believe that when my body gives out, that I will be reunited with him. That will be my goal, my reward ,being forced to live the rest of my life without him.

Clifford, You will be OK. Just take it day by day. That is all we can do.

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16 hours ago, Clifford said:

May I try to tell you again where you're only comfort lies? It is not in forgetting the happy past. People bring as well meant but miserable consolations  when they tell us what time or do to help our grief. We do not want to lose our grief, because our grief is bound up with our love  and we could not cease to mourn with that being robbed of our affections. Philip brooks 

 I lost my wife after being with her for 33 years we met as teenagers. I still miss her every single day. It does get better but it will never be The same, ever.

Cliff, we do not have to hold on to our grief as a way of attachment to them because we are already attached to them.  Grief is forever (in this life) but it does not stay the same, it evolves.  I have been on this journey nearly 12 years now, and I can tell you my grief does not have the same intensity it did that first day or week or month.  I came out of the fog, ever so little by little, but I still continue to miss him and have him in my thoughts each moment, every day.  

I have learned to coexist with my grief.  I embrace what good there is, my little granddaughter that will be two in May, the two on the way, my dog and cat that are my companions, I enjoy nature as George and I always did together.  Some things I once enjoyed I no longer find pleasure in, my hobbies I just don't seem to find interest in, but I hope someday that will return.  After ten years I was finally able to read a book through again and enjoy it, but I once thought that was gone forever along with my focus.

All of us find this journey unique, how one person responds may be different than another's.

I am sorry for your loss but glad you have found your way here.  There are some good people here, understanding and caring and I hope you find comfort here.

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Thank to all for sharing. I thought at first I would go to a support group but it was to hard to talk about. I am better at that now but I have some serious  melancholy occasionally. We used to takes long country drives  especially when we lived in Vermont. And sometimes that is what I do now but I do it by myself and it does comfort me. And I do believe that some that I will see her again.

Cliff

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I do love that quote.  Thank you for sharing it.  I re-type it up so I could share it with my MIL.  The grief and loss might not have the same intensity as time goes on, but it is always there. 

May I try to tell you again where your only comfort lies? It is not forgetting the happy past.

People bring us well-meant, but miserable consolations when they tell us what time will do to help our grief.

We do not want to lose our grief, because our grief is bound up with our love and we could not cease to mourn without being robbed of our affections.---Phillip Brooks

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19 hours ago, Clifford said:

We do not want to lose our grief, because our grief is bound up with our love  and we could not cease to mourn with that being robbed of our affections. Philip brooks 

 I lost my wife after being with her for 33 years we met as teenagers. I still miss her every single day. It does get better but it will never be The same, ever.

I agree, not wanting to lose our grief, but grief is like an ocean; sometimes the water is calm and other times, it is overwhelming.   We just need to make sure we know how to swim.  Some would say that 33 years is a long time, but no amount of time is ever enough.  It is evident that  she was so special to you and how much you loved her and I bet there's not a day that goes by, at some point,  that you don't think of her.    When you do, try to remember the love the two of your shared and not the loss. Death is just a change of worlds; a new beginning for our loved ones, and one we too must face. I like to think that our loved ones are greeted by the family and friends who have passed on before them.  It is an amazing transition to a new world, called Heaven.  Know that she's in the new world, free from pain, suffering and death.  If the truth be told, she crying and mourning for you still in this world. 

I hope you find comfort in knowing she went home to the Lord and there is no other place you would want her to be.  God Bless and keep you, keep us all, safe.

 

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Francine,

It's beautiful in a bittersweet way that you mention that our lost loved ones mourn for us on the other side. So often we hear about the other side being absolutely perfect, with nothing to be sad about. But it brings to mind a phrase, that I can't remember exactly, but that love and hate are almost exactly the same emotion, just expressed differently. I think it's something like "The opposite of love is not hate; rather, it is indifference." If Heaven is eternal and we will never have to be separated again once we make it there, then of course we will never again have to feel the sting of grief that we're feeling in this world. But as much as love and hate are the same, love and heartache are the same too. The grief we feel is actually an expression of the love we have for our lost ones. Think about it, how much do we grieve when we hear of the death of someone we had no emotional connection to? Very little if at all. But when someone passes who filled our lives with emotions of love, happiness, and even sometimes sadness or frustration, those emotions are what make us grieve so hard.

So maybe, just maybe, our loved ones are looking down on us and crying for us, wishing that we were there with them. Maybe they are "grieving" right alongside us. Of course, on the other side, they would know that we will eventually follow, so their grief would not be anywhere near as strong as ours. Maybe it would feel more like when you are physically separated from your loved one for a time, but you do have the knowledge they are coming back to comfort you. But even when you know someone is coming back, being apart is hard. We still love the ones we lost, and they still love us too. So it would make sense that from the other side, they would feel our absence just as much as we feel theirs. The only thing we don't have, that those on the other side would have, is the heightened knowledge, the absolute truth that there is life after death. Down here, we theorize about it, we hope for it, we talk about it, but on the other side, they already know it's real, they have nothing to question. 

Knowing how my girl was, if it's true, the second I make it to the other side, after a joyous reunion, she'll want to spend the next eternity showing me all of the things up there. We always loved sharing experiences with each other, so if she is waiting for me when I pass, I'm sure the experience of the afterlife will be the ultimate experience for us to share.

Thank you

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5 hours ago, Clifford said:

Thank to all for sharing. I thought at first I would go to a support group but it was to hard to talk about. I am better at that now but I have some serious  melancholy occasionally. We used to takes long country drives  especially when we lived in Vermont. And sometimes that is what I do now but I do it by myself and it does comfort me. And I do believe that some that I will see her again.

Cliff

Clifford, 

I'm "glad" you found this forum, but I wish you hadn't a need. 

I'm struck by how similar our stories are. My wife and I met as teenagers, we would've been married 25 years this July 11th, and like you, driving a backroad just to drive was something we'd do. Like you though, I still do that, but alone, and it is a comfort. I talk to my wife, I tell her about our daughter, how I miss her so, how I'm trying to do the best I can. It's a car that was bought to be our "date car", purchased the month she passed, December 2016. She road in it once, the day we drove it back from Florida. One of her necklaces hangs from the rear view mirror. I really feel like she's there with me, just quietly listening and comforting me with her essence. I'm sure, like me, you like to just get away with your thoughts, enjoying something you both did together, and that's a great thing. She's with you, watching and listening, and I'm sure, smiling at her husband. 

Youre right also, it will never be the same. I'm roughly two months out and it feels like everyday a new layer of sorrow or grief comes along, something I hadn't considered or a habit or task that now seems unthinkable. Our beloveds aren't walking back through the door. And for people not "us", it's sometimes hard for them to understand. It literally changes EVERYTHING in our life. Reality, it that split second between life and "beyond", changes, is altered. We will love them forever, but we'll grieve them only until we experience them again, and I take comfort in that. 

Bless you and may you find peace, 

Andy

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Hello Andy, it's good to know we have a common thread. At two months I was still in shock, I had 8 months to be her (caregiver) and hope she would respond to treatment. Some don't even get that. Her cancer came on without symptoms and we knew it was terminal. But still you have to hope for a little extra time. People try to support you as well as they can and I love them for it. But only we can find what helps us. I also journal which is something I've done for almost a decade. It really helps me even though it's sometimes hard. Wish you luck my friend. 

Cliff

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4 hours ago, Emeliza said:

The grief and loss might not have the same intensity as time goes on, but it is always there. 

You're right, but I don't want people with fresh losses to think they're going to feel that exact way every day the rest of their lives, no one could bear that and that isn't the case.  We DO however, learn to coexist with our grief, but it's more like a kind of sadness, that something missing that we carry with us.  We do get better at coping and adjusting in time and with effort.  The passage of time alone does nothing to aid us, it requires effort on our parts, this grieving is a lot of work.

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17 hours ago, Emeliza said:

I do love that quote.  Thank you for sharing it.  I re-type it up so I could share it with my MIL.  The grief and loss might not have the same intensity as time goes on, but it is always there. 

May I try to tell you again where your only comfort lies? It is not forgetting the happy past.

People bring us well-meant, but miserable consolations when they tell us what time will do to help our grief.

We do not want to lose our grief, because our grief is bound up with our love and we could not cease to mourn without being robbed of our affections.---Phillip Brooks

Emilza, thank you for responding to my post you are right and I love quotes and everybody deals with things differently and that is still hard for all of us. 

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He who lacks time to mourn lacks time to mend

William Shakespeare 

See I told you I like quotes. But they bring me peace by making me think. I love the fact that when she comes to me in dreams she is healthy and has her hair still. Which was one of the things she hated. Really the only thing she complained about. Not the pain or many other things that she had every right to do. She was strong and soft. A rare quality that we later find in ourselves after our loss. I truly understand what it means when someone makes you whole. So yes I do feel like I'm half the man I used to be. But in my heart i know she is only in the other room. Waiting. As I too wait. 

I'm new to this so please excuse any mistakes. Thanks, Cliff

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17 hours ago, Francine said:

 

I agree, not wanting to lose our grief, but grief is like an ocean; sometimes the water is calm and other times, it is overwhelming.   We just need to make sure we know how to swim.  Some would say that 33 years is a long time, but no amount of time is ever enough.  It is evident that  she was so special to you and how much you loved her and I bet there's not a day that goes by, at some point,  that you don't think of her.    When you do, try to remember the love the two of your shared and not the loss. Death is just a change of worlds; a new beginning for our loved ones, and one we too must face. I like to think that our loved ones are greeted by the family and friends who have passed on before them.  It is an amazing transition to a new world, called Heaven.  Know that she's in the new world, free from pain, suffering and death.  If the truth be told, she crying and mourning for you still in this world. 

I hope you find comfort in knowing she went home to the Lord and there is no other place you would want her to be.  God Bless and keep you, keep us all, safe.

 

Francine, you are right. I say "Good morning" to her every day. My family has a strong Christian background and that is comfort on its own. I do know that it's a road we will all have to travel alone. In heaven I hope she does not weep for us left behind. Maybe that is why I still worry about her. Since she left her mortal coil , maybe it is her spirit that resides in heaven. I truly do not know.  But I am not afraid. God bless and keep you safe. Cliff 

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On February 22, 2017 at 11:49 AM, KayC said:

Cliff, we do not have to hold on to our grief as a way of attachment to them because we are already attached to them.  Grief is forever (in this life) but it does not stay the same, it evolves.  I have been on this journey nearly 12 years now, and I can tell you my grief does not have the same intensity it did that first day or week or month.  I came out of the fog, ever so little by little, but I still continue to miss him and have him in my thoughts each moment, every day.  

I have learned to coexist with my grief.  I embrace what good there is, my little granddaughter that will be two in May, the two on the way, my dog and cat that are my companions, I enjoy nature as George and I always did together.  Some things I once enjoyed I no longer find pleasure in, my hobbies I just don't seem to find interest in, but I hope someday that will return.  After ten years I was finally able to read a book through again and enjoy it, but I once thought that was gone forever along with my focus.

All of us find this journey unique, how one person responds may be different than another's.

I am sorry for your loss but glad you have found your way here.  There are some good people here, understanding and caring and I hope you find comfort here.

KayC, 

Thank you for  expressing yourself. I actually think it's easier to say somethings in writing then with speaking. You say it is been 12 years that I can tell obviously the pain is still there. And we do have to live with that don't we?  Is going on three years for me and it's strange but I divided up into the air is almost 10% of my whole time with her on this planet.  Little things like dancing close with somebody that you love so much I feel I can never do again.  Fortunately we had children together and grandchildren now so I feel that I am lucky as long as we can keep her memory alive.  Actually I feel I am so lucky to find that one person on this earth that I feel that we were meant to be together for whatever amount of time that we were allotted. Until death do us part.but I truly thought that I would be the one to go first, I lived the rougher life.  Motorcycles, horses, live fast take chances kind of guy. So sometimes it just seems pretty unfair But who of us can understand the master plan right? But I know I am still here for a reason and I will do what I can to make her proud of me.

Cliff

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On 2/22/2017 at 2:45 PM, fzald said:

The grief we feel is actually an expression of the love we have for our lost ones. Think about it, how much do we grieve when we hear of the death of someone we had no emotional connection to? Very little if at all. But when someone passes who filled our lives with emotions of love, happiness, and even sometimes sadness or frustration, those emotions are what make us grieve so hard.

fzald,

I agree; grief is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity - a price we pay for love -  and the only cure for grief is grieving.    I think, no I know, this earth was never meant to be our home.  It was just a way station, if you will, on our journey.  I truly believe we were put here to learn lessons.  Just like our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, we too must learn the lessons of this world and life has a funny way of teaching us.  Sadness so we know how to truly understand happiness; Chaos in our lives so that we may appreciate the peaceful times; and pain from a loved one lost so that we truly understand love.  Understanding 'Love' is understanding God, after all God is "LOVE".

God Bless and keep you, keep all of us, safe.

 

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Clifford, I saw a quote elsewhere on this site and thought of you and this thread.  “I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much.” Mother Teresa

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4 hours ago, Francine said:

fzald,

I agree; grief is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity - a price we pay for love -  and the only cure for grief is grieving.    I think, no I know, this earth was never meant to be our home.  It was just a way station, if you will, on our journey.  I truly believe we were put here to learn lessons.  Just like our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, we too must learn the lessons of this world and life has a funny way of teaching us.  Sadness so we know how to truly understand happiness; Chaos in our lives so that we may appreciate the peaceful times; and pain from a loved one lost so that we truly understand love.  Understanding 'Love' is understanding God, after all God is "LOVE".

God Bless and keep you, keep all of us, safe.

 

Francine---sadness, happiness, chaos, peace, loss of a loved one and understanding love. My husband and I experienced all those before he left this life. Many times, at the end of the day, laying in bed, listening to my husband's breathing, sometimes his snoring, ( how I miss that) and the dog snoring, and the cat there also, I would count my blessings. I would be at peace that everyone I cared about was safe, made it through another day. We were under one roof, our own little family. I understood love. Gave love to my husband that I took to a level above and beyond. I hope God saw and understood what I gave my husband, sees that I still love him. I hope the reward for all this pain and enduring love comes along soon. There is no escaping emotional pain. I am enduring this pain and will continue to do so until God sees I have *learned* and suffered enough.

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1 hour ago, KMB said:

I hope God saw and understood what I gave my husband, sees that I still love him. I hope the reward for all this pain and enduring love comes along soon. There is no escaping emotional pain. I am enduring this pain and will continue to do so until God sees I have *learned* and suffered enough.

KMB

I feel you. Just last night, I hit rock bottom again and was in just a bad way.  Couldn't sleep and couldn't stop crying. Didn't want to wake up the family but needed someone to listen; so I prayed, prayed, and prayed some more.  God listened to me and eventually, I guess, I fell asleep. I guess I said all that to say,  God knows and understands everything. HE works in us to grow us into what HE wants us to be.  I know it's hard, but know there is no storm that God won't carry us through.  No bridge that God won't help us cross. No battle that God won't help us win. No heartache that God won't help us let go of.  HE is SO much bigger than anything we will ever face.  We all must learn to leave everything in his hands knowing confidently that HE will take care of us all.  It's tough, but that's where faith come into play.  Faith is not believing that God can, but knowing that God will.

HE treasures us and anticipates our departure from this earth to our heavenly home where we will be with HIM, our loved ones and the angels.

At the end of the day, try to hold on to hope and strength; Hope that it will get better, and strength to hold on until it does and God will give us both.  Pain is real, but so is hope.  God knows how long you waited, every second will be worth it in the end.  I truly believe that the pain can't compare to the joy that is coming.  God timing is perfect.

You know you're in my prayers.  You may not be aware, but you are just a strong individual - it is so evident in your posting.  Continue to be strong and God Bless you, God Bless us all!

       

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Thank you for your comfort, Francine. I'm in a bad way this afternoon. The previous 3 days, I had somewhere to go in the afternoons, which helped. Snow storm last night had me shoveling earlier and I came in to rest. Laid down and all I get are the images of my husband, memories. The crying. The loneliness. Faith, hope and strength. All the emotions, thoughts, images, feelings. Everything is at war in my mind and heart. I try to turn that war over to God. Then it leaves me in a void of numbness. I should be at peace turning it all over to God. Maybe numbness and indifference is my own body's way of coping. i don't know.

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KMB

I'm so sorry.  I don't believe you know your own strength.  You've been through hell and back, and yet, you still survive.  If I were to name a gem for you, it would be a diamond  - nothing breaks you.  Strong women don't declare they can carry all the burdens life has to offer them; they just quietly do it and survive.  We all will get through this somehow, someday.  We just need to hold on to God's love; trust God's word, and believe in God's strength.  God bless and keep you safe.

 

 

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6 hours ago, Herc said:

Clifford, I saw a quote elsewhere on this site and thought of you and this thread.  “I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much.” Mother Teresa

Herc, 

I'm surprised I haven't heard that before. I really like it. Mother Theresa was a bad a**. Thanks for sharing. 

Cliff

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I didn't mean to start a thread but it seems to be working out ok. Everyone has been very supportive to me and each other. It's to bad that people couldn't be that way to each other all the time. Do unto others.... 

I'm sorry that we all have the one thing in common that we wish we didn't in common. Thanks for taking time to respond to a stranger in a strange land. 

Cliff

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I found another one that I thought I would share.  It seems perfectly designed for this forum.

"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break."

William Sakespeare, Macbeth

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On 2/24/2017 at 8:17 AM, Herc said:

“I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much.” Mother Teresa

That actually was derived from a scripture that talks about God not giving us more than we can handle but most people take it out of context which gives it a distorted meaning, the whole of it actually talks about HIM helping us with it...it was never meant to infer we can bear everything on our own. The reference in question is in reference to temptation, not hardships.  (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Community is important, we all need each other as well!

But Mother Teresa's quote is funny, shows her sense of humor.

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7 hours ago, Herc said:

I found another one that I thought I would share.  It seems perfectly designed for this forum.

"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break."

William Sakespeare, Macbeth

Ain't it the truth, ain't it the truth?

The cowardly lion

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Clifford,

I don't want to steal your topic.  Do you want me to keep posting quotes that strike me here, or would you prefer I start a new thread?  Either way is fine with me.  I also love quotes, and a quick search of the forum didn't turn up any topics dedicated to them.

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Herc,  I actually love that idea. 

 To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming is the only end of life.

Robert Louis Stevenson

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Great!

The winds that sometimes take something we love, are the same that bring us something we learn to love. Therefore we should not cry about something that was taken from us, but, yes, love what we have been given. Because what is really ours is never gone forever.
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14 hours ago, Herc said:

The winds that sometimes take something we love, are the same that bring us something we learn to love. Therefore we should not cry about something that was taken from us, but, yes, love what we have been given. Because what is really ours is never gone forever.

I like that!

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Herc, I like that quote also. Even though our beloveds are not here physically, we are still capable of loving them and trying to live our lives with that love, for them.

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 One can never help but in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. never lose a holy curiosity.

 Albert Einstein 

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I love Einsteins blend of science and spirituality.  The continual search for understanding, while admitting and embracing that we truly know very little.  Trying to comprehend a little of this mystery everyday is very good advice for me right now.  I also love his sense of humor.  One I have always enjoyed and that lends itself to a conversation I was having with KayC the other day illustrates that humor well I think.

"Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous" - Albert Einstein

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8 minutes ago, Herc said:

I love Einsteins blend of science and spirituality.  The continual search for understanding, while admitting and embracing that we truly know very little.  Trying to comprehend a little of this mystery everyday is very good advice for me right now.  I also love his sense of humor.  One I have always enjoyed and that lends itself to a conversation I was having with KayC the other day illustrates that humor well I think.

"Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous" - Albert Einstein

 Actually I am a big believer in that thought.

Death is not the greatest loss in life.  The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. 

Norman Cousins

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1 hour ago, Clifford said:

 Actually I am a big believer in that thought.

Death is not the greatest loss in life.  The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. 

Norman Cousins

So true.

Death is always harder for those left behind.

When our beloved dies a part of us dies with them. 

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1 hour ago, Clifford said:

 Actually I am a big believer in that thought.

Death is not the greatest loss in life.  The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. 

Norman Cousins

I think Mr. Cousins meaning was a little closer to Ben Franklins "Some people die at 25 and aren't buried until 75", but great quotes are open to interpretation sometimes.

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3 hours ago, fzald said:

So true.

Death is always harder for those left behind.

When our beloved dies a part of us dies with them. 

 

4 hours ago, fzald said:

So true.

Death is always harder for those left behind.

When our beloved dies a part of us dies with them. 

 

4 hours ago, fzald said:

So true.

Death is always harder for those left behind.

When our beloved dies a part of us dies with them. 

Fzald,

 That is  exactly my interpretation of this quote. 

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3 hours ago, Herc said:

I think Mr. Cousins meaning was a little closer to Ben Franklins "Some people die at 25 and aren't buried until 75", but great quotes are open to interpretation sometimes.

 

Just now, Clifford said:

 

 

Fzald,

 That is  exactly my interpretation of this quote. 

Herc,

I can also see it from Ben Franklin's point of view also.  I personally don't see this quote that way. I think when we lose our soulmate  some people cannot carry-on the way they were when your loved one was by their side.  Look at Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash for example, I actually know some couples that were the same exact way. They just could find no reason to be here anymore.  And died soon after the loved one died. 

Cliff

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Cliff,

I don't think anyone can carry on the same way after they lose their soulmate.  It fundamentally changes who we are, how we view the world, and how we operate in that world.  The average life span for a spouse is 4 years after their loved ones passing.  I find myself at times wishing I could bring that average down.

"In the night of death, hope sees a star, and listening love can hear the rustle of a wing"

Robert Green Ingersoll

I look forward to that day, but unfortunately it is on a distant horizon at the moment, and I have a long journey from here to there.

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Herc, I read the same stats somewhere---about the life span of a spouse after their loved ones passing. I think it was estimated at 60% of remaining spouses. And 75% of spouses had no family/friend support. Those are sad and miserable stats. Doesn't speak so kindly of humans compassion for their own.

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7 hours ago, Herc said:

Cliff,

I don't think anyone can carry on the same way after they lose their soulmate.  It fundamentally changes who we are, how we view the world, and how we operate in that world.  The average life span for a spouse is 4 years after their loved ones passing.  I find myself at times wishing I could bring that average down.

"In the night of death, hope sees a star, and listening love can hear the rustle of a wing"

Robert Green Ingersoll

I look forward to that day, but unfortunately it is on a distant horizon at the moment, and I have a long journey from here to there.

 This is one that I've always loved and think about it quite a bit. It's pretty deep. Many ways to look at it I think. The quote you posted made me think about it  

We can make our minds so like still water that beings gather about us that they may see, it may be, their own images, and so live for a moment with a clearer, perhaps even with a fiercer life because of our quiet.
William Butler Yeats
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4 hours ago, KMB said:

Herc, I read the same stats somewhere---about the life span of a spouse after their loved ones passing. I think it was estimated at 60% of remaining spouses. And 75% of spouses had no family/friend support. Those are sad and miserable stats. Doesn't speak so kindly of humans compassion for their own.

KMB,

Its sad but true. I also believe a lot of people are afraid to reach out for help. Sometimes there is dignity and being alone. There are times when that is all I want. Just my thoughts and memories  

Cliff

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Clifford, You are so right. Sad, but true. My husband and I had many mutual friends,( I thought they were friends), through our trucking business. All I want is to be listened to, talk about my husband. I bring him up in conversation, when I can. I want to hear their stories. No one has time. Life keeps going and I'm supposed to go along with it.  If any of them lost their spouse, I would be there for them. I would be there for them many months down the road. They don't know what you are going through until they are in your shoes.

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1 hour ago, KMB said:

Clifford, You are so right. Sad, but true. My husband and I had many mutual friends,( I thought they were friends), through our trucking business. All I want is to be listened to, talk about my husband. I bring him up in conversation, when I can. I want to hear their stories. No one has time. Life keeps going and I'm supposed to go along with it.  If any of them lost their spouse, I would be there for them. I would be there for them many months down the road. They don't know what you are going through until they are in your shoes.

KMB,

I think some people don't know what to say, therefore they avoid it entirely. It makes them uncomfortable. Even though we all know that our time is limited. I no longer fear death, if I ever did. 

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Clifford, Uncomfortable or not, a true friend would just sit there with you. Hug you, listen to you. Just be there.having another person in the same room is sometimes enough.

I don't fear death either. It will reunite me with my husband. Eternal life. No grieving, pain, suffering.

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