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K.Renee

Feeling Alone and Overwhelmed

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K.Renee   

This is my first time posting.  I am not new to grief.  Three years ago February 22, 2014, my stepmother went in for an outpatient surgery on her shoulder.  Unfortunately, she never made it past them prepping her for surgery. They gave her the twilight or whatever it is called and she stopped breathing.  When they went to put the tube in her throat there was something blocking it from going in.  After 7 minutes they finally got her heart beating but she was brain dead.  This was especially heartbreaking because I was so close to her, and ten days before her death I had been laid off from a job I loved. I am sure I needed the time with my Father, everyone says it was a blessing that I wasn't working so I could be there for my dad.  I didn't feel that way, of course I was grateful to be there for my dad, we needed that time together. But not working did not help me move on.  Fast forward to September 18, 2014, about 7 months later, my daughters friends mother and our neighbor hung herself.  Unfortunately, I was the only neighbor home when her 21 yr old son found her.  He came running to me, we called 911 and I was told to cut her down and perform CPR.  I did as I was instructed, this was a horrifying experience.  I went to counseling for PTSD, am on some low dose anti depressant, and I eventually started working a year after my stepmoms passing.  Life seemed to be getting together.  We welcomed our first grandchild May 2014, so after the suicide I focused a lot on that precious baby.  Seemed things were going to be okay. I Then my son who is the father of my grandchild would not stay out of trouble, he spent 6 months in jail and 4 months in rehab.  This took a toll on me, his girlfriend (my daughter in law) moved in with me and my husband to get herself together so she could raise my grandchild without my son.  Me and her were extremely close.  While my son was in rehab she was killed by her drunk driving friend on March 24,2016.  This was pure devastation.  She was 21 years old.  This was and is one of the hardest thing I have ever went through and continue to go through.  When she first died my husband and I kept my granddaughter, her parents and us became very close.  Well once my son was out of rehab he got himself together and started raising his daughter.  I thought I was finally getting back to myself at work and started feeling better and then I was laid off this past September.   Well now that I have put all that drama out there, I am here because I don't know anyone that can relate with me.  I have lost friends of 23 yrs cause they said all I though about was myself.  This was only 4 weeks after the accident.  I noticed everyone avoids me, cancels plans, or blow me off.  It is very hurtful, I feel alone.  I had another friend tell me no one wants to hear about it, that I need to stop talking about the accident and this was when we were still waiting on the courts to sentence the drunk driver. I feel like I have no true friends, even family has made it clear she wasn't my daughter so why was I still grieving?  Everyone wanted to be supportive when my daughter in law passed but now there is no one.  I don't feel I should have to stop talking about her to make others comfortable.  I am so hurt by these people.  Is this normal for people to get distant. It will be a year next month and this pain is still very fresh.

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Dear Renee,

I'm so sorry to hear about all the losses you have been through. My deepest condolences and sympathies. Please know you are not alone. We are all here to support you.

I know its painful when friends and family want us to move on, but this is not realistic given everything you have been through. Have you considered talking with a grief counselor? Joining a support group? I would also try to access any community resources or something through the church. There are so also other websites like What's Your Grief and GriefShare.Org  that have additional information.

Sorry for all the pain and sorrow. No one should have to go through as much as you have. Thinking of you. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

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