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Thank y'all for your responses. It's comforting to know that you get what I'm saying and feeling. Everyone here are the ones that truly understand how I'm feeling at any moment. My sadness for what I've lost can be overwhelming, however knowing that you all feel the same loss brings me some peace. My heart still hurts, yet my mind calms when I'm reminded that I'm not alone. I try so hard to understand death. I replay some of the last moments with him and just can't understand how someone so connected to me is now gone. I've been replaying those times and then picturing him lying there at the funeral home as if I'm trying to connect the dots. It sounds horrible. My mind is just trying so hard to understand in hopes that I won't hurt so badly anymore. I've accepted every other death I've ever known, but this with him has been incredibly difficult. He was such a huge part of my life, my other half. I guess that's what makes it so hard to grasp. How can a part of me be gone like that? Doesn't seem possible since I'm still here... 

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KMB   

Solomon'sGirl----We"ll  never understand the why's of it all. If someone had told me 25 years and 7 months ago, where I would be right now, I probably would not have believed them. When you meet your soulmate, are desperately in love with each other, make plans and life is good, how can it go wrong? Why were we given the gift of each other and then ripped apart? We had plans for retirement. For finally having more time to spend together. We got short changed. When I get to heaven, there had better be some believable answers.

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HHFaith   

SilimonsGirl,. I ask myself that same question. "How can a part  of me be gone like that?"  I truly felt that we were part of each other. Our souls or spirits were connected- something I had never experienced before. It took us both so long to finally find each other. We were both in our 50s. We had such a short time together but the connection was so intense, deep, and real. I feel that half of me went with him but also half of him stayed with me. That spiritual connection did not die when his physical body died. I'm even starting to believe and feel that the spiritual connection is getting stronger as time goes by. The pain, sadness and grief of missing him does not go away but there is a strange comfort in feeling that spiritual connection. 

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On 3/23/2017 at 11:49 AM, HHFaith said:

I feel that half of me went with him but also half of him stayed with me. That spiritual connection did not die when his physical body died. I'm even starting to believe and feel that the spiritual connection is getting stronger as time goes by. The pain, sadness and grief of missing him does not go away but there is a strange comfort in feeling that spiritual connection. 

I have the same feelings. I talk to him. I share my days with him. Even when I'm trying to keep moving forward, I bring him with me. Yes, it's something that helps me get through the day, but it's also because I just feel so much of him with me. 

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I haven't posted on here in quite a while. I'm doing pretty good. I've stayed incredibly busy, which has helped a lot. I still break down and still think about him every single day, all day long. I still haven't moved much in the house. His clothes are still in our closet exactly where he put them. Bathroom is the same. His 3-in-1 shower gel is in the same spot, although I've used it a few times just to smell him. It's still hard for me to totally grasp that this really happened. I think back to when we met and all the things we did and went through and think, "I had no idea at the time, but he was only going to be with me for..." such and such amount of time. I still feel his presence and still see myself as with him. I've wondered if that will ever change. I miss him terribly. 

I have a little story to share. Thad was a history teacher. I would help him set up his classroom before the start of school and decorate it a bit. He had a bookend that was a bust of Abe Lincoln. I had set it on top of some books facing the classroom since he didn't really need it as a bookend. One day I was in his classroom and noticed that Abe had been turned around so you could see the back of his head. I laughed and asked if Abe was in time out. He laughed and asked his class who did that. Fast forward to now. I've had his things from his class packed up in our house. I set Abe on the floor while going through some stuff and just never put him back. He faced me all summer while I sat in the chair at night watching TV. I would talk to Thad asking him to turn Abe around hoping one day he would figure out how. Then I'd know he was here with me. All summer it never happened. One night after my daughter had come back from spending the summer at her dad's, I noticed that Abe was turned around. I couldn't believe it. I made a mental note to ask her if she had turned him around, hoping she'd say no. The next day I asked her, and she said yes. I was bummed but laughed a little and asked why. She giggled and said, "He's in time out!" In my mind I think he wasn't quite sure how to turn Abe around haha so he waited until the little one came home and had her do it! I wholeheartedly believe that they're still with us : ) 

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KMB   

Solomon'sGirl,  Good to hear from you! Thanks for sharing your story. Spirit can do amazing things to let us know they are watching over us, protecting us and loving us!

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