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Dad taking off wedding ring


Lej1224

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My mom has only been gone for 7 months and I noticed my dad took off his wedding ring. I don't feel like it has been off long, but seeing it has completely gutted me. I don't know what to do. It's upset me so much and I don't want it to change our relationship. Help! 

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Dear Lej,

I'm so sorry. I know you loved your mom. And would like your dad to keep wearing his wedding ring in honor of your mom. Its totally understandable. And its very painful to see your dad take this step. I know you don't agree with him. But try to forgive him anyway. He must feel he needs to take this step as a sign that he is in someway moving forward. I'm sure its not easy for him either. If you can, maybe try talking to him about it and about your feelings. Or consider counseling or joining a support group.

Thinking of you. Sending you hugs.

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I would ask your dad why he removed it as it is possible that it might be he's lost weight since her death (which happens often when grieving) and the ring may not be fitting right anymore. That is the reason my dad stopped wearing his, he was afraid of losing it.

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Lej I can see why you would be upset. I'm sorry. Losing your mom is very hard.
Thanks for your response Belle, that's definitely possible.
Perhaps that ring gives him painful memories. As Reader mentioned, maybe he is trying to move forward. I am not sure what it could be, so maybe you should ask him.
Good luck Lej.

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Lej,

Your love for your mother is obvious, and I am so sorry you are going through this tragic experience.  I also feel your fathers' loss.  My wife passed on Christmas.  I came to this section of the forum hoping to get some insight that might help me to help my 22 year old stepdaughter through the loss of her Mom.  I would bet that your Father would do anything to help you through this time, just as I would do anything to help my little girl.

If you go to him and tell him that it bothered you in any way, I am sure he would put the ring back on in a heartbeat.  If you want to understand why he took it off, ask him.  As fathers, trying to help our children understand us better is a true joy in our lives.

If I had to guess, I think he probably took it off because it reminded him of her at times he couldn't handle it.  I know I have seen my ring on my hand while driving, and it sent me into a full blown grief attack, sobbing, angry at the unfairness of life, overwhelmed with my feelings.  Fathers generally don't like to tell you about that side of themselves, but it is there.  It is also not the safest way to drive.  Taking the ring off might also be him moving forward a step in his grieving process, and I am sure that while not seeing the ring is painful to you, that you also want him to heal from the pain of this loss that we all feel.

Trust me when I tell you it doesn't mean he loves your mother any less.  Our rings, while symbols of our love, are just things.  I don't know for sure about his feelings, but I know I feel as if a part of me has been amputated.  I made a vow that turned two lives into one, and now that is gone and it feels like a part of me died with it.

I believe your father will always love your mother, just as he will always love you.  Taking that ring off is a sign of things changing, but those two things will never change.  I hope you find some comfort in this painful time.

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