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Irreverent humour?


Mrs. Plummer

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Friends, do any of you ever use dark humour, either accidentally or on purpose, as a means of coping? I'd so love to hear about it if you do.

Being widowed, as we know, can bring in its wake a sense of almost desperate loneliness: Just this morning,I told an elderly gentleman Jehovah's Witness who knocked on my door that I'm not interested in having the "Awake!" I walked away from the gate puffing my cig, and then turned and did a little mock run after him, waving my arms and murmuring, "Hey! No!  Oy, love! Lonely widder right here! Come back, sir, come back!" Of course the poor old geezer didn't see - I'm seriously not THAT lonely and when I am, it'll be time to worry :lol:

Recently, driving out to the cemetery, we entered the gates, and the Status Quo song, "Roll Over Lay Down" came on my playlist. Daughter says, "Yeah THAT'S appropriate, mum!" Unlike what you might have heard about Australia, kangaroos aren't literally hopping down the streets of Sydney, but rural cemeteries are full of them - they eat the flowers and it's wise to take a small brush with you to get their shite off your loved one's space. Where my Ken's memorial is, you can see them casually sprawled among the graves - they have a really lazy, comical style of sitting -  and we joke about them chillin' with their dead homies :)

Just recently, I was private messaging with a friend at this very board, and we were talking about the bloody astronomical fees that some psychics charge. We were indignant about fleecing the grieving,, and I said that my Ken, who always tried to be careful with money, would deliberately not "come through" if I spent a fraction of those ridiculous sums on a psychic. In that vein, when we were organizing Ken's funeral, everybody laughed when the cost was quoted and my son said " Geez, Dad would shitt himself!"

Just little things that help sometimes :)

 

 

 

 

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A very good friend of mine who has helped me greatly through all this told me one that made me chuckle it was so dark.  Within the past year, he was at his grandfather's viewing, and as all the mourners were leaving, he saw his grandmother still standing by the coffin.  Not wanting to leave her alone, he stayed and eventually escorted her out when everyone else had gone.  When they got to the door, she went through, but an uncle stopped him and said "Where do you think you're going?"  Confused my friend looked around and said "I'm walking grandma to the car".  The uncle glanced after grandma, making sure she was out of earshot, and while pointing to the coffin, replied, "No I'm taking Grandma to the car, last one out has to tuck in PawPaw in and turn out the lights".

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3 minutes ago, Herc said:

A very good friend of mine who has helped me greatly through all this told me one that made me chuckle it was so dark.  Within the past year, he was at his grandfather's viewing, and as all the mourners were leaving, he saw his grandmother still standing by the coffin.  Not wanting to leave her alone, he stayed and eventually escorted her out when everyone else had gone.  When they got to the door, she went through, but an uncle stopped him and said "Where do you think you're going?"  Confused my friend looked around and said "I'm walking grandma to the car".  The uncle glanced after grandma, making sure she was out of earshot, and while pointing to the coffin, replied, "No I'm taking Grandma to the car, last one out has to tuck in PawPaw in and turn out the lights".

Love it :D

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10 hours ago, Mrs. Plummer said:

 

Friends, do any of you ever use dark humour, either accidentally or on purpose, as a means of coping? I'd so love to hear about it if you do.

 

Absolutely!  We inherited my dad's humor.  For example, when my little sister had a baby born without a brain, she got her a wizard of oz t-shirt that read, "If I only had a brain."  Most people would find that sick, but I understood (coming from the same family), it's our way of coping.  She wasn't making light of the situation, Lord no!  She was hit harder than anyone with it.  It's just our (sick) family humor coming out.  It's how we are.

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To mrs plummer, it is making me smile thinking of you puffing your cig pretending to chase after the jehovahs witness, having a laugh is our right as grievers, it cant be all gloom or we'd all end up in our local mental hospitals and never see the light of day again, me and my boyfriend used to laugh all the time about the stupidest stuff, we was so on the same wavelength, i miss that more than anything, i still have laughs but not so many since his passing but i hope to have more again in time. Keep your humour and your cigs sweet lady, whatever gets you through a day x

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We all do sometimes to bring the change in our surrounding. My house was dirty as didn't call cleaning lady for a while and basement work was going on. I was telling my daughter that if your mom saw house like this would have killed herself.

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My wife and I shared an appreciation for twisted humor, and so I don't feel ashamed or bad in the least when such things enter my mind, and they do - even from day one. I hardly ever share those bits with anyone, and for good reason. This story is a bit long, but I wanted to set the scene:

The morning I found my wife, having passed away in the night of an un-diagnosed cerebral berry aneurysm, I was a wreck. The kids were in shock. Her mother, who lives with us, was in shock. The EMT's had moved her from where I'd found her to the living room floor. The house was buzzing with strangers; police, maybe half a dozen EMT's and firefighters, a couple of very nice ladies from a local organization who come to console and guide survivors, and the coroner. The coroner informed me that she had two assistants en-route who would be taking my wife away.

Two well dressed young men arrived. Very respectfully, they told me that I may not want to witness them removing my wife from our home. While the kids and the mother-in-law had no desire to be in the room with her, I was by her side for the last time, and I told them I wasn't leaving. I stepped aside to let them do their jobs. They have to roll her to get her into the plastic bag, which is the part I guess that they think people don't want to see. They get her into the thing and are going to begin lifting her up onto a gurney. These two well-dressed, very respectful young men then bend over at the waist to pick up my wife. In my mind, I shout; "LIFT WITH YOUR LEGS, NOT YOUR BACK, ASSHOLES."

Of course I didn't say it out loud. Their job must be difficult enough without some distraught idiot telling them how to do it. But still - proper lifting is, or should be, pretty common knowledge. I was baffled at how they could do what they do every day and not know this.

I have other, more shocking, examples of this dark humor we shared making appearances in my mind. But, I don't share those with most people because they wouldn't necessarily understand or appreciate it, and I don't want to have to feel like I need to explain anything to anyone. Leisha, my wife, would have laughed at them, and I've spent more time consoling others than being consoled. You get a sense very quickly of when to keep things to yourself.

Honestly, I have some that I'm hesitant to post here, not because they are disrespectful in any way to my wife (though they may easily be taken, erroneously, as such), but because, as I said, you get a sense on what to hold back.

 

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My girlfriend and I had a very sick sense of humor. We often challenged each other to find "the most offensive thing you can find" on a website, YouTube, whatever. We would share amazingly offensive jokes. We could laugh at just about anything, and we both liked to say that it was impossible for us to actually offend each other. 

Don't get me wrong, I would never deliberately offend anyone. I won't even go into the specifics because I'm sure it would offend at least one person here if I gave examples, but needless to say, that "openness" is one thing I miss so dearly about her. Not even so much that I could bounce offensive dirty jokes off her and she'd laugh with me, but that I had one person, a soulmate, who I knew could handle anything I could throw at her, and would laugh with me. If I felt angry, I could rant to her and she'd end up laughing at the way I was ranting which would make me laugh which would take the anger right away. 

A shared sense of humor, dark or not, is one of the things that can make us feel so connected to another person. I'm sure that every one of us here feels the lost of that sense of humor, that connection. Laughter is truly "the best medicine" and my girl and I loved to laugh a lot. I haven't laughed much at all since she passed, and I do find I miss it. It's just that things I used to find funny don't make me actually laugh. I still do think of how I'd respond to things people say as if my girl had said them, but of course I can't voice that out loud because it'd either be offensive or at least inappropriate.

I feel so lonely without her.

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