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lost both of my teenage sons back in 1999


mary sledzianowski

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mary sledzianowski

I lost both of my sons in a car wreck back on february 27th 1999. I have been grieving since that day and don't know how to live any other way

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Mary,

I am so sorry for your loss. As someone who recently lost an adult son suddenly, it's a pain that I know I will carry for the rest of my life. It's normal to feel that weight of loss and wonder how we can cope with all the grief. People expect you to get "back to normal" but you can never get back to what you have lost.  There is constant reminders too, of friends and family who have children that get to experience a future that your sons did not have. I feel like every graduation, every birth of a grandchild, every wedding is a reminder of the life my son will never get to have, and while you want to be joyful for them... it hurts more than they can ever know. I constantly hear "Fake it til you make it" from people to just fake smile through it all, but I feel to that it would be like if I let go of my sons memory. I've already lost potential memories with him, and I feel like I see the absence of him in photos that his friends post, in family pictures, and at celebrations.  It's such a heavy weight to bear, and you feel like you are all alone because if you shared with people how you feel, it takes away from their experience.

I feel like I'll never find the right balance either, so I carry his memory fiercely in my heart. I try to get involved in causes that he was involved in.  To care for things in his memory, and to honor that memory by doing the best I can with all my heart.

We can't bring them back, and we can't fill that void either. I feel like it will never go away, and maybe it shouldn't go away. It's hard to talk to anyone because they think you are "dwelling" in your sorrow and that you should "move on". But how can you?

I feel your pain, Mary. I hope you can share some more about your story and your feelings. I am walking down a similar road, and I don't know how to cope either but maybe if we can share our experience, we can feel less alone?

 

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Oh Mary.  

I lost two sons.   Each at different times.   

I rarely say how many years have now passed as the time I did tell someone they said 'your not over it yet?'  And that I should be happy for whom I do have.      Your statement.   Grieving is all I know to do ?

i too live the same way except only I know it .

keep sharing.  Everyone here cares and. Have different things to share.  But if I know anything is that GREIF is GREIF.  Many similarities we all go thru even if cir. Are different

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Mary. I am so sorry for your losses. It does not matter how much time has passed it will always be a terrible sadness felt in your heart and soul until you see them again in the afterlife. How brave of you to come forward and join us here it sounds like you are looking for some healing and understanding and you will be supported and understood here. We have all been through that appalling loss and its aftermath and we are here to listen to you, without judgement for as long as you need. Sharing annonymously is a relief, being able to share your story when and if you want to without fear of upsetting anyone by voicing your fears is very liberating and a healthy outlet for your grief. Also connecting with other bereaved parents is freeing, we all "get it".

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mary sledzianowski

thank you everyone for your beautiful words. They mean alot to me and i'm glad that we are here for one another. I truly don't know how to live again, part of me wants to. I feel like i'm in a dark cave and can't find my way out. I hate the mornings when the sun comes out and can't wait until the sun goes down and it's dark again. My heart is so empty, I knew the day i buried my boys that my life would never be the same again. Iived for them, my life revolved around them and now i have nothing. I absolutely without a doubt hate my life.

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Oh Mary ~

thankx for haveing the courage to reach out to all here ~ I feel the very way you do yet have never put it in thoes words & even if I did not one person who says they are my family ( they are not even close & I resent them and my husband for thinging saying words make it so)  

i lost first my 21 yr old son in 1994  to a motorcycle accident ~ then in 2004?i lost my 34 yr old son to suicide.

My sons were my life,,they loved me dearly...

so here I am. Waking up each day with this knowledge that the only ones who I knew on this earth who truly cared & were my family my family & a comfort in my old age,,,gone .

yet ~ each day I live protecting myself by not saying anything about what is the most important fact of my life..

about the most important people that were ever in my life.

they are gone but forever with me in my heart every single day & night.

how do you survive each day?

Thank you Mary for being someone who makes no secret that you live everyday missing your sons and have not "gotten over it after all these years"

that means I am not the only one    That there is at least one other.

we walk in each other's shoes even tho circumstances are different.

RAiNiE

 

 

 

 

 

#1 ~ ROCKY ~

Rocky making valentines dinner for me   #2 Ronnie & me ~ I'm wearing Rocky's dog tag ~

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Hello.   This is actually Ferrins wife, and he suggested I come here.   Im so sorry for all of us, that there is even a need for this website, yet at the same time im glad its here.    Im so sorry for you mary.

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The thread Loss of an adult child is more active because it kind of keeps us all together in one place, but you can still post here too. We are all battered warriors together and can offer support to each other when sometimes other family and friends just don't "get it" because they don't know what it is like to live without their child. post when you feel like it share as much or as little as you want there are parents here who will listen and who understand, You are not alone ok? None of you need to suffer alone in silence.

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