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Lost my 14 year old son to suicide


Bels10

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My beautiful 14 year old son son took his life 4 weeks ago. I have hit a new emotion today,just realised that I will never hold him again,not coping despite everyone's help 

 

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so sorry Bels10 for your loss what a shock. That realisation and emotion is the worst. I lost my son in 2015 and yet I still can't get my head around the fact I can't see or hold him again and that is the worst part of grieving. You are very new to the grief journey, it takes months to get into a better headspace and be able to be in the living world again, and you will mourn for your son forever. he was your beloved child. Although you will always always feel his loss and that a part of your heart is missing it does get easier in time and you will be able to get through. Try posting on the thread Loss of a child as most people post on there and you can get the most support. go to the last page which is the current one and meet with us ok?

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Of cours ur not coping well ~ suicide is the worst of the worst if losing a child could be measured. I know for I lost two dear sons & one to suicide. 

Do whatever u née to do to survive for you.  There will be many well meaning ones who will say things that hurt not help.  Only you know what u need.  Trust ur self.    Keep sharing here where there a many who have walked miles in ur shoes.  

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bels 10 how are you doing? Every loss of a child is tragic, no one life worth more than another, but I think i agree with Rainie that suicide is just the worst of the worst because it was self inflicted and shows a mind that was tortured by something. There is usually a mental illness componenent commonly undiagnosed usually depression and you need to understand it is never your fault, never something you missed or said or didnt say. It is an act that happens when everything is too overwhelming to cope with and could not have been prevented. When someone is that desperate it feels like the only option. I know because I have been there myself. i tried to kill myself after my son was killed as I had  depression before, itt was being treated, but I totally lost my mind, my brain just imploded and I could not cope anymore. I know there was nothing anyone could have done or said to stop me it was a sickness that overtook me completely. So as a survivor (it was a very close thing I was in intensive care on a ventilator for 8 days and had to be resuscitated a couple times) and now more mentally stable I "get it" i have an insider knowledge of that terrible sadness that literally takes over your sanity and reasoning, and tells you untrue things. However I also now have to live with the guilt of the pain I caused my family and other children which is very hard. They understand I was desperate and totally not in my right mind and with different meds, a regular psychiatrist and mental health worker and bereavement counsellor i am slowly getting better. suicide is never a failing of others it is a self inflicted act that the sick mind tells you will be better for everyone. It cannot be rationalised because the mind is unbalanced at that time. You loved and still love your son and will always love him and miss him, but you could not have prevented this happening. What you have to fight to do now is keep on going, baby steps until you come out of the darkness yourself, that is what he would want you to do. He is still with you by your side, you just can't see him, and his memory will give you the strength to carry on ok? i ask my Tommy to help me when I'm struggling and he does but invisibly. It takes time to heal but you will, I promise.Take care of yourself ok?

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