Death of my life

[lee_reed23@yahoo.com]

My soon to be wife who i had been together with for 3 and one half years died friday from some tainted heroin. I had struggled most of this time to get her sober. She was ready and had cut her drug use to one third her prior use. She was contacting all available clinics to get on a program but was getting the run around. She was 28 at the time of her death. Now she was my only friend my love my hopes and dreams. You see i am much older then her and it was my chance for happiness and as she said without me she would never stop. She loved me and wanted a normal life as she said with me and our lab dakota or her baby wobbles as she called him. She was talking about the future going back to school and work. Then she wanted me ti go to Japan for a visit. Before she had wanted to live there. But now a visit was enough because marriage and children was what she wanted more. Now i am lost alone i have no one and don't know if i can make it past this. I have lost most of my friends for sticking by her. And have no one to talk to. And i miss my love so much

[KayC]

OMG, I am so sorry!  So needless!  It makes you wish you could go back to those "programs" and tell them she's dead thanks to their fiddling around!

I know it's gut wrenching right now, every day hitting you afresh, but the grief will evolve, it won't stay this intense.  Little by little you'll gradually adjust, her death won't come as a shock every morning when you wake up, it will gradually sink in.  It took me probably three years to process my husband's death (it was a shock, unexpected), and more years yet to find any purpose or make my life something I could live with.  It's still not the same, it never will be, but you will get through this and you will smile again...you will have to give yourself permission to, but that's subject for another day, right now I know you can't even imagine it.

My heart goes out to you.  You've found a very caring site with others that understand.  They'll be along shortly.

[KMB]

lee---My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry. I am sorry for the agony you are going through and I am sorry for what your girl was going through in trying to get her life on track for you. She was putting a lot of effort in and those so called programs wouldn't make an opening for her. How senseless. Those programs should be reported.

You have found a great forum. It has become my lifeline and I hope it becomes yours also. Many wonderful caring, uplifting people here who know and live with the pain of losing someone special. You need someone to talk to, and you will be heard here. Only us who are going through the pain of loss understand.