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Bracing for tomorrow.


ModHerc

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Hello all.  I've been lurking here for the past few weeks, reading and trying to make some kind of sense of all of this.  My wife Christine died from a heart attack late on Christmas Eve.  We had been madly in love for 12 years, and married for the last 6.  She was 49, and we were supposed to have many years left to grow old together.  I had been out, wrapping some last minute presents for her.  When I came home I found her on the floor, already gone.  It took time for the paramedics and police to come, and make the official call, so the Death Certificate reads the 25th, but I know it happened before that.  It is better that I found her than her daughter, so at least there is that blessing.

Since she passed, I have either been on "autopilot" or lost in my grief most of the time.  When I have to do something, I can focus and get it done, and there have been a few moments of clarity, but they are few and far between.  I have been going to work, doing chores, and helping my 22 year old stepdaughter with the financial and legal matters, but all of it is done in a kind of daze.  Our other, unofficially adopted, daughter is back at her home in another state, and I worry about how she is coping, especially today.  It is her birthday, and I haven't been able to get her on the phone yet.

One of the biggest things I have noticed is the attachments to dates I now have.  I was always pretty good at remembering dates and events, but now I can "feel" them as they approach.  New years was rough even though I was still in shock at that point.  Starting a new year without the woman who made my heart sing was physically painful.  The next one was the 24th, the one month anniversary.  That was the worst day since Christmas.  I felt it building up the day before, my muscles tensing even more than they had been, the lump in the throat, the empty feeling in my chest, tears welling in my eyes at random.  The 24th I was useless at work.  I came in, but couldn't focus on anything.

I can feel the same thing coming on now with Valentine's day.  One of my coworkers just walked out of the office talking about how she didn't think she and her husband would do anything for the day.  It was an overheard conversation, so I didn't say anything, but I wanted to scream at her.  "Don't miss this opportunity!  Do you know what I would give for five more seconds with my wife, let alone an entire day dedicated to just being able to tell her how much I love her, and hear those words come from her lips one more time"?  I would give everything I have for that, sacrifice my dignity, or anything else that it took.  But it won't happen, ever again, which is why I have trouble breathing from time to time, almost like my body just wants to stop.

But these crazy thoughts, this pain and living hell, is something you just can't grasp until you experience it.  Friends and coworkers extended their condolences, and looked at me with pity and sympathy, and now have gone back about their lives.  Which of course is what they should do, i know that logically.  But in my heart I don't understand how.  How do they not see what an empty desolate place this world is.  How do they not see how hollow and pointless it has become.  How can everything keep going the way it was before, when it has all collapsed into chaos and heartache.

And I know I have to keep going, it is what Christine would want.  Our daughters need me now more than ever.  I have to keep being Dad, and while I can't be Mom for them, I have to find ways to help with the things Christine used to do.  I have to help console her mother, and mine.  I have to be responsible.  I have to take care of those we loved.  But then the dark moments come and I think how ashen it all is.  How any bad moments are worse because she isn't there to muddle through them with me.  How any good moments are empty because I will never share them with her again.

I try to find something to work toward, to get me through this pain, but find nothing but hollow words, and painful reminders of what once was and now will never be again.  Despite this I will trudge forward, day by day, hour by hour, second by second if I have to.  I owe that to everyone, but most of all to her.  When we do meet again many years from now, I have to be able to tell her what wonderful women her daughters became.  I just hope that every moment from now until then isn't filled with this painful empty hopelessness.

Anyway, it hasn't been this bad all the time, the special days just bring it out in me I guess.  So here I am bracing for tomorrow, and trying to remember what hope is.

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Herc- I'm brand new to this forum as well. When you said about overhearing conversations and wanting to scream do you know what I would do for 5 more seconds?? Really hits home. I feel that all day. I want to shout from a rooftop for everyone to appreciate their partners, to scream that I would cut off my own limbs to get one more conversation, touch, night, etc.. The longing for my boyfriend hurts so much it feels like I'm having my blood drained everyday. 

I wish I had something helpful to say. But you're in my thoughts and I'm sure your wife is watching over you every second. 

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Herc,

I am so sorry for your loss and feel your pain.  I too lost the love of my life from a heart attack on December 6, 2016 and I'm still having difficulty believing it.  We were married for nearly 45 years and still so much in love.  He was not only my best friend, but my protector, my supporter, my hero, my everything; my world.

From your post, it appears you were truly in love and happy.  For the few years you were together, you loved a lifetime.  She was so young and I hope you are encouraged by her life and legacy.  I know it may be difficult, but try to live each day with confidence knowing she would be proud and smiling down from heaven. It will be the little things that you will remember, the quiet moments, the smiles, the laughter and although it may seem hard right now, it will be the memories of these little things that helps to push away the pain and bring the smiles back again.  Time will pass; memories will fade, feelings will change, people will leave, but the heart, the heart never forgets.  She will forever remain in your heart.  God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, or sun without rain, but he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way.  If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. 

You will never get over your wife's passing;  you get through it.....it doesn't get better, it gets different. You may not understand today or tomorrow, but eventually God will, in his Ultimate Wisdom, reveal why you went through everything you did.  Whenever you find yourself doubting whether or not you can go on, just remember how far you've come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won and all the fears you have overcome.  Then raise you head high and forge ahead, knowing God is there gentle pushing you forward.

Trust that God is never blind to your tears, never deaf to your prayers, and never silent to your pain.  He sees, He hears and He will deliver.  The stars may fall, but God's promises will stand and be fulfilled.   God plan is always the best.  Sometimes the process is painful and hard.   But don't forget that when God is silent, He's doing something great for you.  Sometimes God lets you hit rock bottom so that you will discover that he is the rock at the bottom.  If you ever question your purpose or your courage, remind yourself that you are a child of the Most High and an eternal being and your purpose is far greater then you can ever fathom; and that courage is not having the strength to go on, it is going on when you don't have the strength.

I am sorry you had to visit this website, but since you are here, know you are not alone.  You can come here anytime to vent, cry and just talk and know that someone is here for you.  We are all here with similar stories needing comfort and encouragement from one another.  And we give it freely and willingly.    I pray that God gives you the love, strength and peace you need at this difficult time.

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3 hours ago, Herc said:

Hello all.  I've been lurking here for the past few weeks, reading and trying to make some kind of sense of all of this.  My wife Christine died from a heart attack late on Christmas Eve.  We had been madly in love for 12 years, and married for the last 6.  She was 49, and we were supposed to have many years left to grow old together.  I had been out, wrapping some last minute presents for her.  When I came home I found her on the floor, already gone.  It took time for the paramedics and police to come, and make the official call, so the Death Certificate reads the 25th, but I know it happened before that.  It is better that I found her than her daughter, so at least there is that blessing.

Since she passed, I have either been on "autopilot" or lost in my grief most of the time.  When I have to do something, I can focus and get it done, and there have been a few moments of clarity, but they are few and far between.  I have been going to work, doing chores, and helping my 22 year old stepdaughter with the financial and legal matters, but all of it is done in a kind of daze.  Our other, unofficially adopted, daughter is back at her home in another state, and I worry about how she is coping, especially today.  It is her birthday, and I haven't been able to get her on the phone yet.

One of the biggest things I have noticed is the attachments to dates I now have.  I was always pretty good at remembering dates and events, but now I can "feel" them as they approach.  New years was rough even though I was still in shock at that point.  Starting a new year without the woman who made my heart sing was physically painful.  The next one was the 24th, the one month anniversary.  That was the worst day since Christmas.  I felt it building up the day before, my muscles tensing even more than they had been, the lump in the throat, the empty feeling in my chest, tears welling in my eyes at random.  The 24th I was useless at work.  I came in, but couldn't focus on anything.

I can feel the same thing coming on now with Valentine's day.  One of my coworkers just walked out of the office talking about how she didn't think she and her husband would do anything for the day.  It was an overheard conversation, so I didn't say anything, but I wanted to scream at her.  "Don't miss this opportunity!  Do you know what I would give for five more seconds with my wife, let alone an entire day dedicated to just being able to tell her how much I love her, and hear those words come from her lips one more time"?  I would give everything I have for that, sacrifice my dignity, or anything else that it took.  But it won't happen, ever again, which is why I have trouble breathing from time to time, almost like my body just wants to stop.

But these crazy thoughts, this pain and living hell, is something you just can't grasp until you experience it.  Friends and coworkers extended their condolences, and looked at me with pity and sympathy, and now have gone back about their lives.  Which of course is what they should do, i know that logically.  But in my heart I don't understand how.  How do they not see what an empty desolate place this world is.  How do they not see how hollow and pointless it has become.  How can everything keep going the way it was before, when it has all collapsed into chaos and heartache.

And I know I have to keep going, it is what Christine would want.  Our daughters need me now more than ever.  I have to keep being Dad, and while I can't be Mom for them, I have to find ways to help with the things Christine used to do.  I have to help console her mother, and mine.  I have to be responsible.  I have to take care of those we loved.  But then the dark moments come and I think how ashen it all is.  How any bad moments are worse because she isn't there to muddle through them with me.  How any good moments are empty because I will never share them with her again.

I try to find something to work toward, to get me through this pain, but find nothing but hollow words, and painful reminders of what once was and now will never be again.  Despite this I will trudge forward, day by day, hour by hour, second by second if I have to.  I owe that to everyone, but most of all to her.  When we do meet again many years from now, I have to be able to tell her what wonderful women her daughters became.  I just hope that every moment from now until then isn't filled with this painful empty hopelessness.

Anyway, it hasn't been this bad all the time, the special days just bring it out in me I guess.  So here I am bracing for tomorrow, and trying to remember what hope is.

Herc,

I'm truly sorry about your loss, and I'm truly sorry about the road you're on. Everything you said, I get. I wish I didn't, I wish myself and everyone here wasn't part of this miserable club. 

I identify with many of the things you've expressed, my wife passed away December 31, last day of the year. We have a 20 year old daughter who, like yours, needs her dad more than ever. It's tough getting yourself through the day, harder making sure you have the strength to carry our loved ones. 

And it is maddening how the world goes back to its life. It's a normal reaction to want people to see us and see just how much we're hurting. I go to work, but I really could care less about what I'm doing. 

I truly hope you get some measure of comfort from this forum, these are wonderful people, all searching for strength and trying their best to impart wisdom and support. 

Take care and just one day at a time,

Andy

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Herc---I am sorry for the loss of your lovely Christine. My husband also passed of sudden cardiac arrest. He must have gotten up during the night for the bathroom and I discovered him in the morning. I was in shock for a long time. How was I not aware? How could I have slept through without some *knowing* about it? I am still trying to work my way through the guilt, even though I logically know that nothing could have been done to save him.

Welcome to this forum. None of us want to be here, but we are out of necessity. Looking to share, be heard and listened to. We need the true understanding and support that cannot be found elsewhere. Only by those that have experienced the loss of a spouse/partner *get it*. As is so true and posted many times, one day at a time.

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3 hours ago, Dee628 said:

Herc- I'm brand new to this forum as well. When you said about overhearing conversations and wanting to scream do you know what I would do for 5 more seconds?? Really hits home. I feel that all day. I want to shout from a rooftop for everyone to appreciate their partners, to scream that I would cut off my own limbs to get one more conversation, touch, night, etc.. The longing for my boyfriend hurts so much it feels like I'm having my blood drained everyday. 

I wish I had something helpful to say. But you're in my thoughts and I'm sure your wife is watching over you every second. 

Dee628,

Thank you for your empathy and understanding.  I know your connection with J was brief and intense as was mine and Christine's .  I am sorry you didn't have more time with him, but know you treasure every moment you did spend together as much as I treasure mine with Christine.  You have been more helpful than you know.

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3 hours ago, Francine said:

Herc,

I am so sorry for your loss and feel your pain.  I too lost the love of my life from a heart attack on December 6, 2016 and I'm still having difficulty believing it.  We were married for nearly 45 years and still so much in love.  He was not only my best friend, but my protector, my supporter, my hero, my everything; my world.

From your post, it appears you were truly in love and happy.  For the few years you were together, you loved a lifetime.  She was so young and I hope you are encouraged by her life and legacy.  I know it may be difficult, but try to live each day with confidence knowing she would be proud and smiling down from heaven. It will be the little things that you will remember, the quiet moments, the smiles, the laughter and although it may seem hard right now, it will be the memories of these little things that helps to push away the pain and bring the smiles back again.  Time will pass; memories will fade, feelings will change, people will leave, but the heart, the heart never forgets.  She will forever remain in your heart.  God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, or sun without rain, but he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way.  If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. 

You will never get over your wife's passing;  you get through it.....it doesn't get better, it gets different. You may not understand today or tomorrow, but eventually God will, in his Ultimate Wisdom, reveal why you went through everything you did.  Whenever you find yourself doubting whether or not you can go on, just remember how far you've come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won and all the fears you have overcome.  Then raise you head high and forge ahead, knowing God is there gentle pushing you forward.

Trust that God is never blind to your tears, never deaf to your prayers, and never silent to your pain.  He sees, He hears and He will deliver.  The stars may fall, but God's promises will stand and be fulfilled.   God plan is always the best.  Sometimes the process is painful and hard.   But don't forget that when God is silent, He's doing something great for you.  Sometimes God lets you hit rock bottom so that you will discover that he is the rock at the bottom.  If you ever question your purpose or your courage, remind yourself that you are a child of the Most High and an eternal being and your purpose is far greater then you can ever fathom; and that courage is not having the strength to go on, it is going on when you don't have the strength.

I am sorry you had to visit this website, but since you are here, know you are not alone.  You can come here anytime to vent, cry and just talk and know that someone is here for you.  We are all here with similar stories needing comfort and encouragement from one another.  And we give it freely and willingly.    I pray that God gives you the love, strength and peace you need at this difficult time.

Francine,

Thank you for your insight and prayers.  Your conviction in your faith is obviously a source of strength to you, and through you a source of strength to others.  I am awed at the depth of your loss, but moreso by your resolve.  You were married for as long as I have been alive.  That you can find such compassion and concern for others at this time in your grief is truly inspirational.

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2 hours ago, Andy said:

Herc,

I'm truly sorry about your loss, and I'm truly sorry about the road you're on. Everything you said, I get. I wish I didn't, I wish myself and everyone here wasn't part of this miserable club. 

I identify with many of the things you've expressed, my wife passed away December 31, last day of the year. We have a 20 year old daughter who, like yours, needs her dad more than ever. It's tough getting yourself through the day, harder making sure you have the strength to carry our loved ones. 

And it is maddening how the world goes back to its life. It's a normal reaction to want people to see us and see just how much we're hurting. I go to work, but I really could care less about what I'm doing. 

I truly hope you get some measure of comfort from this forum, these are wonderful people, all searching for strength and trying their best to impart wisdom and support. 

Take care and just one day at a time,

Andy

Andy,

i understand completely what you mean by this miserable club.  I wouldn't wish this on anyone.  The depression, the guilt, the horrific banality of our current existence.  Daily life is overwhelming and unimportant at the same moment compared to what we have been through.

While I thoroughly wish you didn't have to go through this, I will be eternally grateful that you shared your pain.  Your story, and some of the similarities to my own, are what flashed through the gloom and brought me back to this forum.  At a point in my life that I thought I was beyond help you, probably unknowingly, provided it.  Again, I am so sorry that you are going through this, and thank you for helping me through one more day.

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1 hour ago, KMB said:

Herc---I am sorry for the loss of your lovely Christine. My husband also passed of sudden cardiac arrest. He must have gotten up during the night for the bathroom and I discovered him in the morning. I was in shock for a long time. How was I not aware? How could I have slept through without some *knowing* about it? I am still trying to work my way through the guilt, even though I logically know that nothing could have been done to save him.

Welcome to this forum. None of us want to be here, but we are out of necessity. Looking to share, be heard and listened to. We need the true understanding and support that cannot be found elsewhere. Only by those that have experienced the loss of a spouse/partner *get it*. As is so true and posted many times, one day at a time.

KMB,

Thank you for your understanding.  The guilt is a horrible part for me.  "It was Christmas Eve, why wasn't I home with her where I could have done something"?  And the answer is simple.  I wasn't there so I could give her a surprise, which she loved, and even if I had been there, I couldn't have done anything.  It was a massive heart attack, and even if the patamedics had been in time to get her to the hospital it would have meant life support and almost certainly the same result in the end.

Your support of others here is remarkable.  I am so sorry you had reason to find your way to this forum, but I am comforted that you have listened, been heard, and have shared with us all the beautiful love you have for your husband.

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Herc,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Christine.  I also lost my husband to heart attack, he'd just turned 51.  We'd known each other 6 1/2 years, been married 3 years 8 months...we were soul mates.  It's as if we were meant to meet and be together, but we were supposed to grow old together!

It's still so soon, I was still in shock at this time frame, but with a lot of time and effort we do get through this.  That wasn't something I could fathom at 1-2 months out.  I hold my husband's memory inside of me, I talk to him, think about him continuously.  I miss him more than anything.  Honestly, if I can survive this, anyone can, it's been 11 1/2 years for me now...

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11 minutes ago, KayC said:

Herc,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Christine.  I also lost my husband to heart attack, he'd just turned 51.  We'd known each other 6 1/2 years, been married 3 years 8 months...we were soul mates.  It's as if we were meant to meet and be together, but we were supposed to grow old together!

It's still so soon, I was still in shock at this time frame, but with a lot of time and effort we do get through this.  That wasn't something I could fathom at 1-2 months out.  I hold my husband's memory inside of me, I talk to him, think about him continuously.  I miss him more than anything.  Honestly, if I can survive this, anyone can, it's been 11 1/2 years for me now...

KayC,

Thank you.  The time you have been without him is both encouraging and terrifying.  I want to get to a point in my life where I feel her loss, but I can feel other things as well.  Right now nothing can break through the ever present cacophony of the loss I feel.  The thought that one day I may be able to hear a song, or see a sunset and think of something, not instead of, but in addition to my thoughts of her is positive.

At the same time the prospect of 11 1/2 years of this is chilling.  I can only hope to find the strength you have demonstrated.  In mere moments you have helped me immensely.  How many lives you must have affected through your remarkable journey.  Just in case any of them forgot to say it, thank you, again, and I am so sorry for the loss you are dealing with on a daily, and lifelong, basis.

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Tomorrow is going to be rough for us all, I think.  I also "feel" dates.  I lost my Kevin Christmas day.  I know how intense and horrible it all is right now.

Thank you Herc, so much, for sharing with us.  I wish  I had magic words to help, but instead I suffer with you.

Be well, as well as you can.

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10 hours ago, Herc said:

Andy,

i understand completely what you mean by this miserable club.  I wouldn't wish this on anyone.  The depression, the guilt, the horrific banality of our current existence.  Daily life is overwhelming and unimportant at the same moment compared to what we have been through.

While I thoroughly wish you didn't have to go through this, I will be eternally grateful that you shared your pain.  Your story, and some of the similarities to my own, are what flashed through the gloom and brought me back to this forum.  At a point in my life that I thought I was beyond help you, probably unknowingly, provided it.  Again, I am so sorry that you are going through this, and thank you for helping me through one more day.

Herc,

Thats the beauty of forums like this, sharing our sorrow and at the same time giving comfort to others who are walking in the valley with us. 

I'm glad that anything I might say could bring a little light into someone's life. I know that the people on here have helped me immeasurably, just knowing that I'm not alone and that there is hope. Not sure what that looks like, but I think it's out there.  

Hang in there, peace and comfort, 

Andy

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Hope fades
Into the world of night
Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time
Don't say
We have come now to the end
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again
And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping

This is the second verse from the song "Into The West" from the Lord of the Rings , Return of the King, film score, as performed by Annie Lennox. It's a beautiful song and I had sort of joked with my wife that this is what I wanted played at MY funeral. Maybe you'll listen to it, it's very touching and for me personally, it's very appropriate and comforting. 

Peace and love to you all,

Andy

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11 hours ago, Herc said:

The time you have been without him is both encouraging and terrifying.  I want to get to a point in my life where I feel her loss, but I can feel other things as well.

You will feel other things as well, it's just that right now this is overwhelming and obliterates anything else.  It's taken great time and effort to process my grief, to build a life for myself that I can live with and to develop purpose in my life.  This is no overnight thing, it takes years.  But do not be afraid of this journey, it is at times painful, but also rich, I've learned more in the last 12 years than in the rest of my life put together, and that's saying a lot...I've been through a lot in my life.  We do this one day at a time, we can't take on any more than that.  To do so is to invite terror.  One day at a time.  Breathe.  Take care of yourself, self-care is key.  Do not avoid tears or pain, let yourself feel and embrace your grief, it's the only way to process it, the only way through it to the healing.  You will continue to miss her each and every day of your life but the intensity lessens to something more manageable.  In time I found that thoughts of him brought comfort instead of pain.  Not only comfort, but strength, as he was my biggest fan, he thought I could be/do anything!  No one else has seen me through his rose colored lenses.  That encourages me still, so that I reach down inside of me for his comfort and encouragement whenever I need it.

You will get there.

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KayC,

Thats so beautiful, you're a credit to the life and love that you two shared. Bless you and may you find the comfort that your words have given me. God knows today is not of of my better ones. Valentine's Day indeed. You spoke just what I needed to hear. 

I'm leaving work early today. I'm going to the cemetery to talk to my wife. Never in the 27 years we were together did I miss a Valentine's Day, so I won't start now. 

This is so hard. The love of my life is gone, and I just don't know how much I have left. 

Love,

Andy

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Well, tomorrow is almost over now.  It was better than I expected, yet worse than I feared. I went to her grave and gave her a dozen roses.  I had to hurry beacause I stayed at work too long.  What a microcosm of my life.  I was always too busy to appreciate what I had, until it was too late.

The guilt is hitting hard now.  "If I had" is blinding me with the false hope of one more day.  If I had told the doctor she was sleeping more than normal, maybe he would have ordered more tests and found something.  If I had gone walking with her instead of watching a movie maybe she would have lived long enough to open her presents on Christmas.  If I had wrapped her gifts as soon as I got them instead of procrastinating, maybe I would have been with her in her last moments.

Guilt is such a useless emotion.  I hate it for trying to steal the beauty of our relationship.  I hate it for making me ignore all the good things I did for her.  I hate it for casting a shadow over the light of our love.  And I feel it intensely all the same.

I managed to choke down some dinner once I got home.  The whole time I was mindlessly chewing, I thought about how it should have been a candlelight dinner for two at a steakhouse.  We would have started plans for the summer vacation to the beach, and talked about what job our newly graduated daughter should apply for.

Instead I will crawl into an empty bed, and hope I can crawl out of it early enough to at least appear to be trying to show up for work on time tomorrow.  But right there is my mistake.  Today is not a day to plan for the future.  Today is a day to embrace what I have.  I have a wonderful daughter, a good career, and many people who care for me.

I also have a new network of wonderful people, all of whom have experiences similar to my own.  I thank you all for being here with me through this, and seeing how wonderful you all are, wish none of you had to share this nightmare of love and loss with me.

For anyone who is feeling the soul crushing loneliness tonight, know that your love is still there for you.  I believe they are whispering their eternal love for you and hoping you find a way to hear them.

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9 hours ago, Herc said:

I was always too busy to appreciate what I had, until it was too late.

Oh I think you appreciated what you had, you just didn't know it was extraordinary at the time, you didn't know it'd be yanked away at any given moment.  It is that ordinary everydayness I miss the most.  I thought we'd have at LEAST another 20 years together!  I feel gypped.  Yet at the same time I know I'm the luckiest person in the world because I got any time at ALL with him!  

I told George Happy Valentine's Day yesterday.  I don't know if he heard me or not.  Of course I heard nothing in return.  Yet I know within my heart that he is out there somewhere and still loves me, I still mean the world to him.  To the moon and back.

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Herc---You got through yesterday, give yourself credit. One of many *firsts* was endured and gotten through. Yesterday was tough for all of us. I talk out loud to my husband. I told him Happy VD and I how I wished he was here for me to make a special dinner. A feeling of peace came over me for the rest of the day. I like to think he gave me that as a gift.

Yes, guilt is a useless emotion. It is unproductive. We cannot go back and try to change the outcome. With my husband, the heart attack was quick and painless. From his doctor I learned that even if I had been there and started CPR and the paramedics had been able to revive him, he might have had a few days to a week. He didn't want to die in a hospital. There is no cure for congestive heart failure. I have to count my blessings that my husband got his final wish. To leave this life in the comfort of our home.

The burden of guilt and the should haves, what ifs, is a natural part of grieving. We feel responsible for our loved ones health and safety. We would have done anything to keep them with us. But, we are only human with limited capabilities. Can't fight what is meant to be.

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18 minutes ago, KMB said:

Can't fight what is meant to be.

So true, I could no more fight the cancer than I could fight falling in exquisite love with my wonderful man in the first place. Especially yesterday, I tried to take comfort in the fact that I know he was happy, and he told me so every day. And he knew how adored and treasured he was, which I believe is the best gift we can give anyone...Valentine's Day or any other day. 

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Yep. Our spouses/partners left this world for the next part of their journey knowing they were well loved here with us. The love continues.

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