Members fzald Posted February 12, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 For me, the mornings are the worst time of day. I wake up and am suddenly hit with the reality of my sad life all over again. It's almost as if I just learned the news all over again. How do we cope with morning sadness? I find it's a huge effort just to get out of bed. I wake up and find I don't want to face anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members trawna Posted February 12, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 The only way I was able to cope with that morning feeling was to get up and plunge into a shower and then do something (anything) to get me out of the door immediately. Even if it was just go and get a coffee at the local Tim Horton's (or Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts or whatever), Once I got outside and got my day got started, I was able to distract myself enough to deal with the rest of the day. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 12, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 For me nights and weekends were the hardest, in the morning I'd focus on getting to work, but "our time" was tough. The emptiness was deafening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claribassist13 Posted February 12, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 You are likely going to feel that way for a while. You are only a short time into your loss and you probably still feel a lot of disbelief/denial. You go to sleep every morning, hoping that what you've experienced is just a bad dream, only to realize that it's all too real. My recommendation? Take each second as it comes and count everything as a victory. Don't push yourself too hard in the beginning. It's going to be difficult, but it is literally just 1 step at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Francine Posted February 12, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 9 hours ago, KayC said: For me nights and weekends were the hardest, in the morning I'd focus on getting to work, but "our time" was tough. The emptiness was deafening. Like KayC, nights are my hardest time. While I've retired for nearly 3 years, I try to keep myself pretty busy and active. I've joined a Totally Active Senior program and we do all sorts of things, (i.e. water aerobics, step aerobics; line dancing; trips to different restaurants; trips to the theater; just to name a few). But then, when I come home, I feel so lonely without the love of my life. All I can do sometimes is cry and go to sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sylvia GM Posted February 12, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 Hi I'm new, so glad I found this site. My husband passed away early December 2016 after fighting against 5 months from cancer. Geez, I hate this word!!! Up till now, I am still crying. My husband of 15 years are just starting to retire and we have just started traveling since two years ago. Now he's gone and I'm all alone, our kids are working overseas and they came back when my husband was ill and now they are back to work. Just like KayC, nights, weekends and holidays are the hardest. I tried to keep myself occupied but once home, I just can't help crying. I still keep all my husband's things where they are as I can't bear to get rid of them. Every time when I cry, I go to his wardrobe and hug his clothes. The last few days have been rough for me. I'm not able to sleep as well. It's not getting better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 12, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 1 hour ago, Francine said: I've joined a Totally Active Senior program and we do all sorts of things, (i.e. water aerobics, step aerobics; line dancing; trips to different restaurants; trips to the theater; just to name a few). That is so cool! I wish they had something like that here, but I'm in the country and it's 50-60 miles from anything. I volunteer at the senior site twice a week, do my church treasury (at least one day/week), am on the praise team, in the community choir, and church choir, so I keep busy. Plus I walk my dog twice a day every day. And now I'm leading a grief support group. Sometimes I think maybe I'm too busy, but it helps to have a routine and be out around people. I can't work anymore because of my eyes (I can't drive at night and working full time as a bookkeeper was straining to my eyes), I don't get disability though because technically I guess I could stay home and lick envelopes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 12, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 39 minutes ago, Sylvia GM said: Hi I'm new, so glad I found this site. My husband passed away early December 2016 after fighting against 5 months from cancer. Geez, I hate this word!!! Up till now, I am still crying. My husband of 15 years are just starting to retire and we have just started traveling since two years ago. Now he's gone and I'm all alone, our kids are working overseas and they came back when my husband was ill and now they are back to work. Just like KayC, nights, weekends and holidays are the hardest. I tried to keep myself occupied but once home, I just can't help crying. I still keep all my husband's things where they are as I can't bear to get rid of them. Every time when I cry, I go to his wardrobe and hug his clothes. The last few days have been rough for me. I'm not able to sleep as well. It's not getting better. Sylvia, Welcome to this site, although I'm sorry for your loss and needing to be here at all. This is a good group of people, caring and understanding. I hope it helps you to read and post here, it's been a lifesaver for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted February 12, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 Sylvia GM----You have found a great forum here. My condolences on your loss. I'm sorry that hated word and disease took your beloved husband. You are among caring and understanding friends here. I'm alone like you and the pain is so constant that you wish you could get away from yourself. Sleep issues are normal. The mind is always going and it's hard to shut it down. Some people can escape into sleep and others, like me, and you, are unable to. I use a generic benadryl just to get one or two hours of sleep. I am sorry you are in the same boat here. We have broken hearts, shattered lives that are empty, without meaning and purpose. We miss our spouse/partner, that special person who completed our existence. We have to somehow start over, one moment, one step, one day at a time. We're doing this together here. Prayers of comfort to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HHFaith Posted February 12, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2017 Morning blues.....yes, I have them too. I find mornings are the hardest. You wake up and just for a few seconds everything seems 'normal'. Then you really wake up and the reality hits you, hard. Mornings are hard because I know I have a whole day in front of me, to face without the love of my life. Keeping busy is key, but sometimes I literally need an entire day in bed, due to pure exhaustion. I'm going through a 'phase' right now where when I look at pictures of the happiest times of my life, it seems unreal, like watching a movie or a dream. It doesn't seem possible that that was my life. How could we finally have been so happy and now he's gone and I'm here. I'm so grateful that he finally found peace and happiness in his life before suddenly dying. And I'm grateful that I found it too, but will I ever be truly happy again?? I sure hope so, but it will be a very different kind of 'happy'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators ModHerc Posted February 15, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 Mornings are rough. The only thing that is keeping me going is having to give our oldest cat a pill twice a day. The routine forces me out of the bed to go give the medication at 6:00 AM. I still hide under the blankets, and sometimes am as late as 7:00 before I get it done, but it gives me a deadline of sorts to get up and do something. For the first two weeks, there were so many other people around that we made a log book, and I didn't have to do the early wake up. I've found now that having that routine actually makes it easier. While I pill and feed the cats, I make sure to tell Christine I love her. I said those words every day for 12 years, so it feels good to have a set time to make sure I keep doing it. It also helps that the cat that needs pilled was definitely "her" cat, so in some ways it also lets me continue the caregiver role for her. This morning I added to my simple "I love you Christine" with "And I know you love me too". It felt right, so I think I will keep that up as well. The routine of it helps me, finding the small ways to start the day as positively as possible is a challenge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 4Hdad Posted February 15, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 While it's not always the first thing I think of when I wake up every morning, it always sinks in before I step out of bed. She's gone, and she isn't coming back. I'm alone. It isn't going to change. Sometimes during the course of the day I'll pull out of that mental nosedive and get things done. Sometimes it's with me all day and I can't shake the reality that I'll likely spend the rest of my life like this; missing her, being angry at the world, and shaking my fists at the gods. It's an exercise in futility, I know, but I just can't seem to get past it. Things seem so unimportant. My job seems unimportant, and worse, uninteresting. I used to love my work. Now I do my best to just plow through the day. Other than the kids and the animals, I'm having a hard time actually caring about anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted February 15, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 15, 2017 Wouldn't it be the greatest gift if we all got together as a gang, found Heaven"s door and busted it open and demanded visitation rights with our loved ones? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Francine Posted February 16, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 16, 2017 KMB Funny, I think you'll get a lot of takers, me for one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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