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A lonely heart in this busy world..


Sadaf Nazim

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8.00 p.m. 89 days since he is gone. 

People are back from work..to their families, their loved ones, sharing the adventures of this day, holding each other in their arms.. 

I am here on my terrace. Alone, in the moonlight, searching him.. Maybe I could see his glance in the smoke of this cigarette .. Or this fog.. Maybe I could smell his fragrance in this air.. Maybe something would remind me the taste of his lips..Or the vibration of his heart. 

To tell that I miss him would be an understatement of my feelings. I wish I could tell him to not leave me now. I had to do so many things with him. I had to tell him how much he means to me. We had so many dreams to accomplish together. We had to get married. We had to travel the world together.. We had to Stare each other for a little while. We had to live a life together. The memories aren't complete. Our story needs a happy ending. 

I wish I could tell him the lyrics of this song I am listening. 

Please don't leave yet,

My heart isn't satiated yet.

You had just arrived, 

Just now you had, 

You had just only arrived,

You had spread like the spring, 

Let the air catch your fragrance, 

Let my gaze go crazy, 

Let this evening deepen a bit, 

Let my heart be steady,

Let me live for a little while, 

Let me take some sips of your intoxication, 

Haven't said anything yet,

Haven't heard anything yet,

Please don't leave yet, 

My heart isn't satiated yet.. 

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Sadaf--- My heart feels for you---sitting on your terrace, missing Nazim. I bet he is thinking of you, missing you also. Think of him sending you love and comfort. You two will have your *someday*. Hang onto that, we all have to hang onto that *someday*.

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Don't know when that someday will come. But it has to come for sure. It cannot end like this. My love grows stronger with each passing day. I miss him even more today.. Than last week or last month. I know all of us feel the same way. I am so sorry for all of us. 

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Sadaf,

I'm so sorry for you and the pain you're in.    Thought the poem below might bring you some comfort.

The Loss Of A Loved One

The loss of a loved one is so hard to face; you just want to hide, go somewhere and escape! 
But death is something we all must go through.  I know it's hard when it's someone you loved and knew. 

Just know now, he is in a better place, no more hurt or pain shall he face. 
It seems unfair, and yes, this is true, but he is in Heaven now watching over you!

God has called him home to rest,  And he's being well taken care of,  Because God knows best!

He's only gone on ahead of you, Not just left you behind.
Although you can't be with him right now, He lives on in your heart and mind.

The day will come when you'll meet again, On Heaven's distant shore,
And the two of you will walk hand in hand. Together forever more.

I know your happy ending is definitely coming and when it does, it will be spectacular.   We are all here for one another.  Keep strong and God Bless!

 

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Francine, Thank you for posting a lovely, thought provoking poem. I was just thinking that the poem should be a header that we all have to read daily when logging on to this forum. If there was a way to do that. It might be helpful in having a more comforting perspective in our daily struggles without our loved one. Bless you, Francine.

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Sadaf Nazim,

Your words are so poignant, so sorrowful, but, at the same time, they are lovely. Not the grief over your loss, but the strength and depth of your love. It's a horrible beauty, that in this most heartbroken of places, we express such longing and joy for those who have gone to the "greater". That feeling you have of your love actually "growing", that's so sweet and I would imagine, bitter. I feel that, I've grown more "protective" of my wife, I'm not sure I can explain, I'm not sure what I mean, but it's as if I have this appointment to watch over her memory, to carry her "torch". I talked to her everyday for over half my life, and that hasn't stopped. I love her so fiercely, it brings me such comfort, but at the same time, brings me such heartache. 

Sadaf, it's a testament to how much you love and continue to love him, that you still ache for him, still looking for him. Please remember that you are still alive, for some reason we are the ones left behind. We aren't done, our beloveds would be the first ones to tell us that. I know that there are days I do NOT wish to move. I don't want to carry on. I remind myself that I must, my Tracie is depending on me. Let his love give you strength, allow it to move you, to perhaps guide or "open your eyes" to something, possibilities maybe? You obviously are a kind and loving person, your beloved knew that, you are still that person, let yourself, a tiny bit at a time, live. To allow yourself to seek, find, and be happy again, in whatever way that may be. 

Love and hope to you Sadaf,

Andy

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On 2/12/2017 at 4:47 AM, Andy said:

Sadaf Nazim,

Your words are so poignant, so sorrowful, but, at the same time, they are lovely. Not the grief over your loss, but the strength and depth of your love. It's a horrible beauty, that in this most heartbroken of places, we express such longing and joy for those who have gone to the "greater". That feeling you have of your love actually "growing", that's so sweet and I would imagine, bitter. I feel that, I've grown more "protective" of my wife, I'm not sure I can explain, I'm not sure what I mean, but it's as if I have this appointment to watch over her memory, to carry her "torch". I talked to her everyday for over half my life, and that hasn't stopped. I love her so fiercely, it brings me such comfort, but at the same time, brings me such heartache. 

Sadaf, it's a testament to how much you love and continue to love him, that you still ache for him, still looking for him. Please remember that you are still alive, for some reason we are the ones left behind. We aren't done, our beloveds would be the first ones to tell us that. I know that there are days I do NOT wish to move. I don't want to carry on. I remind myself that I must, my Tracie is depending on me. Let his love give you strength, allow it to move you, to perhaps guide or "open your eyes" to something, possibilities maybe? You obviously are a kind and loving person, your beloved knew that, you are still that person, let yourself, a tiny bit at a time, live. To allow yourself to seek, find, and be happy again, in whatever way that may be. 

Love and hope to you Sadaf,

Andy

Andy

Thank you so much. I understand what you feel being more protective of your wife now. I do feel the same now. This thing that we are all into, it's painful, but at the same time it's beautiful. To love someone so deeply without any sort of expectations is the most beautiful feeling a human can experience.. It's a beautiful ache. I don't know if I make any sense or not. 

I read a qoute saying that if we lose a loved one, it's like losing a leg. It never ever heals completely. But in time, we learn to dance with the limp. 

We would never get over the pain. How could we? They were the world for us. We will always love them and miss them terribly. But we will keep going on. With our pain, and our unconditional love. 

Prayers to you Andy.

 

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2 hours ago, Sadaf Nazim said:

We would never get over the pain. How could we? They were the world for us. We will always love them and miss them terribly. But we will keep going on. With our pain, and our unconditional love. 

So very well said, Sadaf.

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3 hours ago, Sadaf Nazim said:

Andy

Thank you so much. I understand what you feel being more protective of your wife now. I do feel the same now. This thing that we are all into, it's painful, but at the same time it's beautiful. To love someone so deeply without any sort of expectations is the most beautiful feeling a human can experience.. It's a beautiful ache. I don't know if I make any sense or not. 

I read a qoute saying that if we lose a loved one, it's like losing a leg. It never ever heals completely. But in time, we learn to dance with the limp. 

We would never get over the pain. How could we? They were the world for us. We will always love them and miss them terribly. But we will keep going on. With our pain, and our unconditional love. 

Prayers to you Andy.

 

Sadaf,

I completely understand. It is beautiful the way we love, without conditions or expectations, love for loves sake, getting back that wonderful sense of belonging, of being a "part" of someone else. It's beautiful yet, in this dark hour, it's so painful. Only the kind of relationships we've experienced can elicit such sorrow. 

I'll never fully heal from this. I've accepted that. Moving forward without her is still unthinkable, but I have to look at this new world and step off. I'm not there yet, one day perhaps, but not now. 

Sadaf, I send you my love and may you find peace,

Andy

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