my boyfriend was killed in a car accident jan 30th 2010

[ashleyr630]

My boyfriend of almost two years passed away 30 days ago in a car accident. it was a friday night and raining i asked him to come home so many times cause i just wanted to cuddle and be home with him. he was working all day and insisted he go get a drink with his buddies. his boss was driving his truck and was drinking. Justin my boyfriend was in the passanger seat of his red ford truck and at 1:50 am i get a phone call from his phone but it wasnt justin it was his friend saying hes been in a accident. i rush to the hospital and get there even before the ambulance gets there and i clear the passanger seat off for him thinking its no big deal. the ambulance pulls up and the doors open as im running towards it. i see justin in his underwear getting cpr but i cant see his face at that point i knew i had to make phone calls. i call his brother and mom and they all meet me. within an hour they tell us justin wont be making it and its time to say our goodbyes. by father walks me in with his family  and i hold my beautiful boyfriends hand as he took his last breath. i cant seem to get those memories out of my head. justin was 25. unfortanly since i cant pay rent and bills without him i had to pack our apartment up in two weeks and put everything we own in storage. i now am staying with my sister and her boyfriend and not going back to work intil april 5th. im so lost without him i was going to marry this man we planned on getting engaged this year and having lots of babies. i cant eat or get out of bed and the only joy in life now is smoking cigeretes. how am i ever going to move on or be with an other man again. i feel like i would be cheating on justin

[ashleyr630]

everyone is saying im so strong and im getting so annoyed!!! and whats with this eatting and taking walks thing and you have to get out of the house. I just wanna scream and cuss and say no i dont wanna go on a stupid walk or eat i just wanna mourn my boyfriend. everyone is so pushy and want me to get on with my life, but how can i when he was my life. why do people say your so strong?? do you think i want to be like this am i strong because i havent killed myself? I just dont get that comment. im scared to go out in public becuase i feel guilty and no one knows that i just lost my boyfriend im afraid to look at people and see them enjoying themselfs. i have never been a religous person and now i have all these questions no one can answer. i dont understand why god would say our life is a gift if it always so painful. i feel like he made a mistake while making me. i have had so much hard ache in my life and im only 26. how am i ever going to fall in love again and not compare everything to justin or why would i even want to again knowing that hes just going to die and i have to feel this pain again. its just not worth it.

[lastlove19]

Im so sorry about your boyfriend. I lost my boyfriend also due to a car wreck back in Oct.2006. He had been drinking, driving and lost control and hit a telephone pole. I never got to say "goodbye" so you should trully cherish you last moment with him even though it wasn't that good! I know exactly how you feel with everyone telling you to move on with your life. Easier said then done! Its going on four years and I finally found peace with his death. Things happen for a reason and sometimes we are not ment to understand that reason. But time with heal your pain and you will find peace in your own way through time. There isn't a day that goes by that I dont think of him. All the fun we had together, and the "special moments" that we shared will always be with me. Life will be hard for a while and you will feel like giving up because I did too. I felt like he died so my heart died with him. but you have to hold your head high even while you feel your worst! Pushing your self  is what helped me, even though I didn't want to!! I had to make my self shower, and just get out of bed. Your boyfriend would not want you to be sad!

I know my words probably sound like everyone elses but I can relate to you and how it feels to be alone. I cried my self to sleep for almost 6 months, I quite going to school, and as for the eatting I ate way to much! But beleive me you will find peace in your own time, it just takes a while! I still write him love letter at times when Im missing him. It helps, its almost like your talking to him. My Prayers are with you and I pray that someday you find peace and comfort.

[Kelly]

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

[lucypott32]

Reading your story is like reading my thoughts.. My boyfriend was murdered on Jan 3 2011 in front of our home. I witnessed the whole thing.. My heart aches every moment of the day and I feel like there is no hope for me. Im only 17 years old but my life had been nothing but pain. Everyone says Im so strong and Im doing so good, but Im not. Im dying inside. I hate when people tell me Im young and will find someone else. My boyfriend and I were together for almost 4 years. He was my breath, my smile, my everything. The memories of that day haunt my memory. I ask myself if it will ever get better... Has anything improved for you?