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Not sure if I can do this


Tyler'sMom

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Not sure if I'm doing this right, but I have read a lot of the posting here and I see that I'm not alone. I loss my youngest son on Christmas morning at the tender age of 23,  unexceptly. Cause of death is still pending.  It's so hard why him and not me!! He such a great kid with his whole future ahead of him! He was so happy to finishes this semester and was looking forward to his new job working with union to make work conditions better.  He had been working nights for the past 5 years and this would of been his first "day job".  Not sure if or how to do this! It was always just the 3 of us, me and my 2 sons! Now, he gone! His birthday is this Sunday and I don't know what to do!! I don't want to be here anymore!! It hurts so much!! 

 

Tyler'sMom

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Tyler's Mom, I am so sorry for your loss. I just read your post. Please come to The Loss of Adult Child forum and join us. You will have understanding and support with us. I too lost my son at Christmas time a few years ago. I know how much this hurts.

Kate 

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So sorry Tyler'smom what a shock for you. jeffsmom is right the most active thread is loss of an adult child because it is really difficult to find time to monitor new members and keep up with everyone on different threads. I don't work at the moment so I have more time to meet and talk to parents but there are some very wise and intuitive members on that thread who can help you as well.

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Thank you, how to join "The loss of Adult Child" forum? 

Thank you, 

Tyler'Mom

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TearsInHeaven

TylersMom, I also post on the Loss of the Adult Child thread.  I can give you some directions to get there.

Go to Loss of a Child--like you did here. Under Loss of a Child you will see the pinned thread Loss of an Adult Child. On the far right you will see the last person that posted and underneath you will see either an hour count or a date.  If you click on that time stamp it will take you to the last post.  This is the most current post and going back in pages  are older posts. Page one is actually back to 2005.  Hopefully this will help you navigate. 

 

 

LOAC.JPG

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Thank you, 

Tyler'sMom

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It's was Tyler birthday yesterday! He would of been 24!! I had so many plans and actually his brother and I decided to do nothing! I'm not sure if that's was right or wrong! But, nevertheless it how we did it. I had a fiend tell me the other day that once a person is gone there is no more birthday but, just the day that they were born! Hmm.... I have to think about that one.  It's so hard to sleep! I just keep going over and over things on in my mind. 

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Tyler's Mom, I can not think of a better reason to celebrate than to remember the day our child came into our lives. I can certainly understand your feelings this first year. I, too... found the first special dates as something that was overwhelming to face. Take all the time you need to find what you are comfortable with in handling Tyler's death.

My father died when I was a young adult. My mother went out with several of her friend's that were widowed on every special occasion for dinner. It was her way of remembering. We all go about it in our own way. Hold on.

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Tylersmom just do or not do what you feel like, there is no right or wrong. Each year on your son's birthday reevaluate how you want to spend it and do that. It will always be your son's birthday on that day it is just he won't be getting any older. My son had just turned 24 so I know he will always be young and handsome whilst each year we age physically and mentally, and when our time has come many years from now, our sons will come to meet us and we will be reunited again. Hold onto that thought, you will see him again just not now. My eldest daughter turns 24 this year so that will be especially hard for her because she still a life ahead of her, just not one with her older brother in it. When Tommy first died, she turned to me and said "Now I'm the oldest" and that broke my heart even more to see that realisation in her brimming eyes. Each birthday, Christmas, New Year whatever for all your family members, will be one spent without your Tyler being visibly present, but please know he is with all of you every day and for always, next to your side. My 3 remaining children all adults, took time off work/university and travelled to be together on their brother's birthday last year. They had a meal together, drank a toast to Tommy and talked and reminisced about the past. i wanted the day on my own, to reflect on the time that has passed since Tommy died and how far we have all come so far. I had a couple drinks for him and cried a lot but it was peaceful and a milestone passed. You will never, ever forget your son, he was a very valuable member of your family, but you will come up with different ideas to celebrate and remember him each year. you may start a new tradition on his birthday, or choose to be alone, donate to a charity or be with friends for some adult company and support, whatever feels right to you. Although "the firsts" are the worst, each one is hard in its own way. take heart you are doing ok.

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