This just doesn't seem real

[DANIELLE BUCKNER]

My mom passed away Feb 1, 2017. Immediately after I found out she was gone it was really hard for me, but this week has been odd because I am kind of at peace. I am sure I am just in denial because I have not seen her body yet. My parents have lived in another state for 10 years up until about six weeks ago. I was so excited they finally moved back home. I visited my mom at least six days out of every week. It seems like she would always find a way to get me over to the house. I have three sons ages 9, 12, and 13 and they loved to visit with their grandma as well.

The morning my mom passed is a day I will never forget. I had just seen her the night before and she was fine talking and laughing. She had asked me to come by the next morning to go with her to run some errands. Last Wednesday morning I called my moms house around 09:45, my dad answered which was weird, my mom was the boss of the house, she was always the one to answer the phone. I said hey dad, I was just calling you guys to let you know I was on my way over. My dad said I could not think of your number, I think your mom has passed, hurry up. At that moment I heart dropped and I drove as fast as I could running red lights. praying and crying the whole was to God to please let my mom be ok. My mom never made it out of the bed that morning. When I pulled up at their home I had a bad feeling because the ambulance were still there instead of rushing her to the hospital. My dad was so nervous, they have been married over 40 years. I just keep thinking I could have helped if I had arrived earlier. Their house is also 3 floors so it took my dad a while to get to the first floor to let the paramedics in, so I'm thinking I could have ran down those stairs and gotten her help much faster. Its over now and there is nothing anyone can do.

My mom loved to shop. The day she died FedEx came to the house three times with deliveries. It was sad because she did not get to see the things she had ordered. My dads anniversary gift for her had also came that day. This was so unexpected, I would not have thought this was going to happen this soon ever. It still does not feel real. I am afraid to go view her body this Friday, and I just hope I will be able to hold myself together. I loved my mom so much, this is really hard when you don't get to say good bye. I have been really this week with funeral arrangements and everything, but I am afraid of what next week will bring.

My moms death will definitely change my life. She was also the one that cared for my dad because he has many health issues. She was thought to be the healthy one. Now my sister and I have to be sure he is okay. I know there are supposedly five stages of grief and denial is the first one. I can definitely say that is where I am at this point. This is all still unbelievable. I just wish it was a nightmare I could finally wake up from.

[Dgiirl]

I am so deeply sorry for your loss.  I was moved by your post.  It's as if you wrote an alternative story to my life.  See, my dad was also the one aging and getting sick and my brother and I were hoping my parents would move closer.  My mom is also the boss and was also taking good care of my father.  I was hoping so much they would move closer but I also worried what would happen if my mother passed before my father.  Sadly my parents never moved, my mom worried moving was too stressful for my dad, and she wanted his last remaining years to be as comfortable as possible.  My father passed away in Dec, but I've always wondered what would have happened had they been able to move  

Although what you are going through is very sudden and traumatic, I can see from your post how serendipitous everything played out.  You are very lucky to have been able to enjoy your parents moving closer to you and you took full advantage of it!   You were blessed to have been able to spend so much time with your mother at the end and your children were able to get closer to their grandmother.  Also, your mother was able to help transition your father to a new home, set it up for him and have him closer to you to make it easier on you to take care of him.  Probably unbeknownst to you all, from my side it feels like someone was watching over all of you and setting in motion a plan to help with it all.  I don't know what your beliefs are or if that gives you comfort or not but try to focus on the positives as much as possible and what would your mother tell you if she was with you right now.  

Life will never be the same again and we both are in for a long and bumpy road of emotions.  But I've been on the road of adversity before and things do get less painful in time. You will never be the same as you were but experiences like this give us a chance to grow exponentially as a person.  Just preserve and take it moment by moment 

[Athina]

Dear Danielle, while I cannot know your exact pain, I have a clue of what you are feeling. I too lost my mom very suddenly in October. In my eyes she was still young (in her 60s), she was a healthy one as my dad is a cancer survivor. Somehow I thought she would live to 80 yrs or something and my poor mommy even did not make it to 70. She did not have any complaints but while she was visiting me in another country she had a massive hemoraghe near her brain stem which was caused by the rupture of brain aneurysm. I have many regrets as the ambulance arrived very late and it took hours to accept her to hospital. I keep thinking if it happened in our home country, maybe she still would be with us. The medicine services are so much better over there. I still hate those cars and drivers who do not clear the way for the ambulance. I hope they get theirs some time. By the time mom was brought to the hospital she was in a deep coma and never woke up.

For me, too, a difficult part is not having a chance to say good bye. It seems surreal as just the night before we were making plans for upcoming vacation. 

I have three young kids as well. I just cannot picture them growing up without my mom beside. My youngest one is 3 yrs old and it is unfair she won't be remembering a glimpse of her grandma who would have done anything for her. It will be 4 months at the end of February and I still cannot register this fact and the concept of her goneness. I cannot wrap around my head the fact she's gone. I don't find comfort in thinking that she's living through me and my kids. I want her in the very flesh. 

I guess we have no other option than to hang in there. Just hang. Even though sometimes I think I would so much like to join her. 

[reader]

Dear Danielle,

My deepest sympathies and condolences on the passing of your mom. Its horrible shock. I'm so sorry for all your pain and sorrow. I can relate to so much of what you are writing about. Sorry words are so inadequate. Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. Sending you lots of love and hugs.