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Reaching Out


GracieJ

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Hello everyone. I'm reaching out because I need support so badly. I lost my partner on December 2, 2016. He was my boyfriend. We had plans to get married, but neither of us had enough money to even think seriously about a wedding, so we were never officially engaged. But we had already made promises to each other and we knew that what we had was the real deal. 

What happened was horrible. Jason was in a building that caught fire. He died of smoke inhalation. I've never actually said that out loud or written it until just now. I had talked to him earlier that day and we had told each other how much we loved each other. I still can't make sense of what happened. 

I lost my best friend and my favorite thing about the world. I was seriously considering suicide until last week, when something changed and I had stopped thinking that way. I just want to be with him so badly. I don't know exactly what I'm looking for here, but I just need to try something. I'm going to school in France and I miss my family and friends so much. I don't have anyone here who I can really talk to. 

 

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Gracie,

I could give you all the cliches. "I'm sorry for your loss", "My condolences", etc. The thing is, we both know it's not enough, and it doesn't help, and it will never be enough.

I lost my girlfriend to a sudden brain hemorrhage only two weeks ago. We spoke that morning, and during the day she passed out suddenly and never woke up. 

We, like you, had plans for our future. We talked of marriage. We were about to start living together, this summer. We were planning a life together. We had already been through some of the worst of times (my father passed) but we were always there for each other.

Her death was so sudden. Just like your boyfriend's. I'm missing everything about her.

I, like you, thought about suicide. Sometimes, even though I'm not thinking about actively pursuing it, I still wish at night that I would just die in my sleep. I wish that I could just go away and be with her. Sometimes people get alarmed and think as soon as you feel suicidal that it's time to call the ER or the prevention hotline or something. To me, sometimes those thoughts are just part of the grieving process and, as long as you know you're not seriously going to attempt it, it may just be necessary to feel those things.

Please post on this board as often as you feel you need to. I wish that nobody had to be here, I wish that this board didn't even have to exist, but luckily, it does, for those of us who are faced with this horrible situation. It's a level of pain I would not wish on anyone, even someone I didn't like. 

I want to say it gets better, but it hasn't gotten better for me yet. I still wake up every morning in agony and pain, wishing, just wishing that this was not my reality. Wishing that I could be anyone else right now, anyone not having to live through this pain and suffering. All I can do is offer support and an ear from someone who at least partially understands how you feel.

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GracieJ--- Please keep posting, you are among friends here. Reaching out for support is the right thing to do. I am sorry for the loss of your, boyfriend, *your everything*, for that is what they mean to us. I'm sorry you are away from family and friends. Having support from them is so crucial in this journey of grieving. I hope you can communicate with them via phone or internet. All of us are here for you also. We listen and you will be heard and understood. I hope you are taking care of yourself. Eating small meals and drinking water to stay hydrated. Going for walks is also helpful, a little exercise and fresh air is good for the mind and body. Prayers and hugs to you.

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Gracie 

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss. Your boyfriend was your bestfriend, fiance, future husband, everything. I know how it feels to lose a person like that who means the whole world to you. I too lost my whole world this November to an accident. He was my everything. This kind of loss is unbearable. But it gets better with time. It doesn't get away, but we learn to live with it. We learn to adjust to the new kind of relationship that we have now with our beloveds. 

Keep coming here. We will be listening to you. It helps a lot to share your thoughts here.

I am sorry. I can't give any advice to you. The past few days have been a little difficult for me. But I will be here for you.  Hugs to you. 

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Graci

I'm so sorry for your loss. You have my deepest sympathy. Few events in life are as painful as the loss of a husband, partner, boyfriend.   You can't receive or process the loss; he was so young and had his entire to live. You may be uncertain you will survive this overwhelming loss or even have the energy or desire to try to heal.

Life is like a jigsaw puzzle. We may struggle to put the pieces together, but God has already seen the outcome. Let Him assist you in finding the missing pieces that you desperately seek.  Remember, we are all here for a short period of time; some of us will remain here a longer period than others. Nevertheless, our time is limited. When it is time for us to leave, we simply step out of this earthly body and commence our journey back home. All our earthly possessions accumulated during our stay here, remain here. The only thing we take with us is our spiritual soul.  Jason simply went home.  His spirit is experiencing eternal peace and infinite love, something we can only imagine.  Wow, that's got to be unimaginable.

Know that you are not alone; when you are tired, our Creator gives you the strength to move forward. When you are sad, HE gives you a ray of sunshine. When you lack hope, HE gives you comfort and the thought that things will be okay. Have faith in God. HE will never abandon you and be by your side helping you fight your battle to the very end. Our Heavenly Father is the wind that pushes us forward; what we need do is stop fighting the force of the wind, and allow it to take us where we need to be.

I'm sorry you are in a website such as this, but I know you are not alone; we are all on this journey together sharing the same pain, hurt and heartache.  But by the same token we are helping, comforting and encouraging one another along our way. 

My prayer is that our Ultimate Comforter heal your sorrow; gently ease your pain; and softly replace your heartache with peace.  God Bless!

.

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Gracie,

We know what it's like to be alone with our loss, and our hearts go out to you, you are alone no longer.  We'll be with you on your grief journey if you want us to be.  I'm sorry you lost him, your best friend, your fiance, there are no answers, I don't get it either.  There is no sense to be made of it.  Sometimes I feel like those of us who are left behind are like the walking dead, zombies, looking for something but never finding it.  Like a club no one wanted to join, but there it is.

What I've found that has helped me is to take one day (or moment) at a time, and try not to look too far into the future, it's enough just to try to get through today.  And then do it all over again.  One foot in front of the other.  I've learned to appreciate what IS rather than focusing totally on what isn't.  And that takes effort.  Practicing living in the present moment and appreciating the good that is in this life.  Tough, but doable.  I've been practicing that since 11 days after losing my husband, and that was in June 2005.  

It helps to express yourself like you have here, it helps to know there are others going through the same thing that understand, so I hope you'll continue to come here and read and post.

 

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EternalFlames

I'm really sorry you're going through this. Grief is a club where we all understand each other but none of us wants to be a member.

Unfortunately I think you'll find its hard to find people to talk to. Even if you were back home, you might have some supports for a while, but they may only be there for the first weeks or they may not be able to understand. Most people don't understand loss this early in life if they haven't experienced it like us, and most people want to focus on tweeting witty phrases and posting cat videos instead of thinking about intense pain and the human condition.

I hope you find something you can do as an outlet to help get the sadness out: exercise, art, music, something. You can't hide from the feelings. You just have to find a way to let them out.

I found what kept me from suicide was thinking about what my dead wife would have wanted me to do with my life, to honor her memory and our hopes and dreams. That has given me a mission, a reason for being, and is probably all that has kept me going. I don't know Jason but he probably didn't want you to end your life or be miserable. What would he want you to do 1 or 2 years from now? Maybe that can keep you going.

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