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My husband is dying


Gretchenborg

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I don't really know how I can continue on when my sweet love dies. I'm saving his pain pills just in case I can't deal with the pain. I want him to stay forever but I cannot stand to see the once brilliant handsome and proud man I married waste away. He's terrified of becoming dependent, of not being who he was. I'm trying to stay so strong for him, but all I can think about is how I can maybe go with him when or soon after he dies. I have an 84 yr old mother who depends on me for everything, but I don't know if I can hang on long enough until she passes too. I just feel comforted knowing I have these pills and the thought of living without him seems so impossible. We met each other later in life, after dating as teenagers. We had so many plans to spend our lives together. 15 yrs has only been a drop in the bucket. I'm not sure, when he goes, how I can hold on. The pain is excruciating. I just cry til I can't see sometimes 

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I am so sorry for what you are dealing. I will tell you not to lose hope. Your husband is still with you here, maybe you have a chance to save him. I don't exactly know what illness he has, so I can't determine how critical his condition is. But please have hope. You both still have time together. You can make the best of it. Don't worry about what tomorrow brings. Today, your love is with you, breathing. Ask us how much it would mean to us. 

My prayers are with you. May your husband be recovered soon and may God give you the strength to deal with all this. 

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Gretchenborg, I am so sorry for what you and you husband are going through.You didn't mention his medical condition, but you need to hang onto hope and faith that he will recover. Spend as much time with him as you can. Talk to each other. Express all those loving feelings. Ask him what he wants for you. Some of us are never given the chance for last words, including me. My husband passed from sudden cardiac arrest.

You are strong, you will continue to be. You say you don't know how to go on without him. None of us do.We just keep putting one foot in front of the other, taking one day at a time.Your husband is still here, so don't please don't worry about the future. Embrace the fact that your husband is still here.

My prayers going out to you and your husband.

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16 hours ago, Gretchenborg said:

I don't really know how I can continue on when my sweet love dies. I'm saving his pain pills just in case I can't deal with the pain. I want him to stay forever but I cannot stand to see the once brilliant handsome and proud man I married waste away. He's terrified of becoming dependent, of not being who he was. I'm trying to stay so strong for him, but all I can think about is how I can maybe go with him when or soon after he dies. I have an 84 yr old mother who depends on me for everything, but I don't know if I can hang on long enough until she passes too. I just feel comforted knowing I have these pills and the thought of living without him seems so impossible. We met each other later in life, after dating as teenagers. We had so many plans to spend our lives together. 15 yrs has only been a drop in the bucket. I'm not sure, when he goes, how I can hold on. The pain is excruciating. I just cry til I can't see sometimes 

Gretchenborg,

I'm glad you found this place, there are very caring people here.  It's common to feel suicidal in early grief, we don't see how we can go on with these changes.  You are going through anticipatory grief.  Of course you don't see how you can go on without him, you haven't had to do that before.  You met when you were young and have been together ever since.  I just ask you to hang in there long enough to give yourself time to adjust, it may take quite some time, but I can assure you, grief does not stay in the same intensity as it did in the beginning, thank God, I don't think any of us could handle that in a prolonged state.  It's been 11 1/2 years for me, it took about three years to process my grief, and longer yet to find purpose and build a life I could live with.  It will never be the same as it was when I had George, he was the love of my life, my best friend and soul mate, my lover, everything!  But I have a grandchild and two more on the way.  Eight years ago I adopted my dog that means the world to me and I have a cat that is nearly 21, I have to be here for them.  I have sisters I love.  A friend of mine was talking about her attempt to commit suicide years ago.  She teared up as she said she would have missed so much if she'd been successful, she's glad she wasn't.

One of the most important things I've learned is to live in this moment and cherish what good there is in this day.  Additionally, if I take on more than today, I not only miss what there is right now worrying about tomorrow, but I can be easily overwhelmed by taking on more than I can handle in this moment.  So...one day at a time.  Take a deep breath.

I love what KMB says, put one foot in front of the other, that's all any of us know to do.

We'll continue to be here for you if you want us to.

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Grechenborg,

You have a full plate and you're being pulled from many directions.   I'm sorry for you.  Be grateful for today;   Live today to its fullest - remember, tomorrow is not promised to anyone. Like KMB, my husband died suddenly of a massive heart attack and I wasn't given the opportunity to say all the things I would have liked to say.  When my husband left this world he knew how much I loved him - we told each other that on a daily basis and I'm so happy we did.   

Don't miss the opportunity to love your husband, tell him that, honor him, be there for him, be his strength, cry with him, but never because of him.   We are born to die, and eventually we will, but not everyone really lives.   Be there with your husband so he can live.

Whatever happens, know that we, on this website, are here for you and praying for you,  I hope continue to visit and  I pray that God gives you the love, strength and peace you need at this difficult time.  

 

  

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Gretchen, thankyou for your honesty, hon. When I knew my husband was dying, I, like you, just wanted to go with him, and absolutely couldn't conceive of a life without him. I was very close to suggesting that we both take his pain meds and walk into the sea together - but love for my kids pre-empted that. I feel so much for what you are going through - as you know it's just dreadful, Gretchen, completely agonizing and while you don't at present know how you'll cope when he is gone, it's a fact - from somebody who was where you are -  that this is survivable. Is suicide an option? Yes, of course it is - I kept that option close to me, and it is something that many of us consider, but somehow we manage to find reasons for not following through. For me, I am not going to let the cancer that took my husband take me out too - and I hope that doesn't come off as preachy because I truly do know - as many here do - the excruciating pain you are feeling. Please gather all the supports that you possibly can, and post on this forum anytime if it helps.

Hugs, poor lady,

Louise xo

 

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