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I lost my husband and I feel so lost


Lost0404

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For the last week I have been reading everyone's stories. Tonight I finally signed up. I am a quiet person unless I get to know you. But reading tishagun story sounds like mine. I lost my husband 6 months ago. He died very suddenly. He had a cat scan and died an hour later. He was my everything. I feel so lost and week. He was my second husband. I thought I had finally found the man I was going to grow old with. We were together all the time unless we were at work. I hate being here with out him. I don't know how to live without him nor do I want to. I have to sell my house, camper, and car. I have to find a new place to live. I have only worked part time and now I have to look for a full time job. He was the financial provider. I have to start selling his tools, the house and a lot of his things. I feel like I'm erasing my life with him. I will only have pictures and my memories. I want him back so bad. I didn't get to say goodbye to him. I can't feel him around me. People always say they feel their loved ones are still with them. Well I feel like my Tom died and is not with me. Everyone tells me that I should cherish the time I spent with him. I can't it just makes me miss him more. In a way I wish I never met him because than I wouldn't hurt so bad. In his last moments I had to go out of the room to speak to his nurse. Then he was being held down and I didn't want to see that so I was waiting until he settled down. Well his heart stopped and they couldn't bring him back. I fee like he didn't fight to come back to me. Does he think I left him?  I wish I knew those were his last moments, I would have stayed by his side. I just wanted them to help him and I didn't want to be in the way. He was everything to me. He treated me like a princess. He was my best friend. I don't have many friends and at work I'm the only one in the office. So all I do is think of him. He used come have lunch with me and we talked through out the day. I always told him how lucky I was to have found him. They say things happen for a reason, than what's the reason. There is nothing to live for nothing to look forward to. If It was a guarantee that if I died I'd see him than I would. When will it start to be better?  I can't imagine it ever getting better. 

Please, if anyone has any suggestions on how to go on please tell me. 

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Lost

I am so sorry for your loss. It's a terrible thing that binds us together. 

I can't give you any advice as I am only 2 months into the loss of my fiance. But here are lots of wonderful people who can help you with how to cope. 

Hugs to you.  

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Thank you for reaching out to me. I wasn't sure if I was posting correctly. I am sorry for your loss as well. At 2 months in, I think I was still in shock. It seems like it's getting harder not easier. I remember thinking that people say it gets easier but all I thought is the more time that goes buy without him. Makes me miss him that much more. I don't have a lot of experience with chatting on line and have never been a part of something like this. I hope it helps to talk about my Tom with people and to listen to everyone else's stories. It seems every one feels the same way as me. I'm the youngest of 8 and None of my siblings have lost their spouse. So they really don't know how I'm feeling. I seem to keep things in.  But I am a good listener 

 

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46 minutes ago, Lost0404 said:

Thank you for reaching out to me. I wasn't sure if I was posting correctly. I am sorry for your loss as well. At 2 months in, I think I was still in shock. It seems like it's getting harder not easier. I remember thinking that people say it gets easier but all I thought is the more time that goes buy without him. Makes me miss him that much more. I don't have a lot of experience with chatting on line and have never been a part of something like this. I hope it helps to talk about my Tom with people and to listen to everyone else's stories. It seems every one feels the same way as me. I'm the youngest of 8 and None of my siblings have lost their spouse. So they really don't know how I'm feeling. I seem to keep things in.  But I am a good listener 

 

Lost0404, 

Please accept my condolences, they don't help, but I truly am sorry. My wife passed away December 31st, a little over a month ago. I'm where you've been, and I'm headed where you are. 

I have no social media presence, so this is all relatively new for me also. I will say that the kind people on this site are wonderful and generous. The advice, support and empathy has been such a help for me. 

I find that talking about my experience helps me. It makes her memory more "tangible", as if the more people know, the more she lives on. Sounds crazy, but it helps me. For myself, if I think of my wife being "with me" or "all around me", it's my memories of her for sure, but in a very personal way, on an intimate sort of level, I do feel as if she's with me. Not as a "ghost", but her essence, her energy sort of speak. I know she isn't here, but she is here. I can't explain it very well, but it's just a "knowing". 

As far as things happening for a reason? Well, I think that gets into some very personal territory and I would never say that to anyone. I'm of a mindset, and I arrived at this well before my wife passed, that I don't know the reasons why, in fact I don't need to know. Knowing or not knowing won't bring her back, but I trust things are where they should be, but that's a matter of personal belief and relies on faith, again, things I don't presume for anyone. 

I'm not expecting a "better", I'm just resigned to expect a "different". My life will always be different now, much as yours is. Better implies things are "normal", we know now that there's a new normal. So I try not to quantify things in terms of then vs now, because those two things will never equal out. I'm trying to see this as the "before", and now this is the "after". These are watershed events, things are changed forever. Remember though, we are still here. For a reason. As I've said before, it's up to us to find out or decide what that reason is, but it's there. I have a daughter that still needs her dad, I have parents that I need and they need me. I have my wife's spirit to honor and celebrate. Do I know how I'll do all this? Absolutely not. And that's ok. This will take as long as it needs to take. We will NEVER get over this, the wound will always be with us, and that's ok. No one but I loved my wife the way I loved her, so no one but I will mourn her the way I do. 6 months, 6 years, it doesn't matter. You love your husband, that won't stop. He fought as long as he was able, just as my wife did, but it was inevitable that for them both, it was over. No more battles. 

This grief, this sorrow, these are the costs of loss. As much as I hurt, as much as my heart breaks every time my daughter cries and wishes for her moms return, as terrified as I am now, I would trade not one second of my life with my Tracie. Knowing that the end would be the exact same, I'd do it all over again. And again. And again. You hurt so terribly because you miss him, because you loved him so desperately and unconditionally. I do encourage you to find joy in your memories, even though the pain is real, so is the bond, the love you shared. 

I'm sorry about the financial situation and the upheaval that this is creating. I hope you can get these things settled as best as you can, so you can focus on you and your healing. You aren't erasing your life together, nothing can do that. 

Bless you, hugs and peace for you,

Andy

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55 minutes ago, Lost0404 said:

Thank you for reaching out to me. I wasn't sure if I was posting correctly. I am sorry for your loss as well. At 2 months in, I think I was still in shock. It seems like it's getting harder not easier. I remember thinking that people say it gets easier but all I thought is the more time that goes buy without him. Makes me miss him that much more. I don't have a lot of experience with chatting on line and have never been a part of something like this. I hope it helps to talk about my Tom with people and to listen to everyone else's stories. It seems every one feels the same way as me. I'm the youngest of 8 and None of my siblings have lost their spouse. So they really don't know how I'm feeling. I seem to keep things in.  But I am a good listener 

 

Lost, 

We will all get through this together. We understand the pain, when no one out there understands because they have not gone anything similar to this. 

I am 23 now. I lost my love when he was 24. It was an accident. We were bestfriends since childhood and couples from 8 years. It has been a terrible experience for me. 2 months back I couldn't think to come even this far. But this forum has been a life saver for me. Keep coming here and sharing with us. We all are here for you. 

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Lost,

I am so so sorry. I can relate to you so much. Tomorrow will be 4 months since my darling partner passed away suddenly from a massive heart attack. He was happy and alive one minute then just gone. I was so lucky to have 31 years with him but i want more. The worst thing that could ever happen has happened to us and we are all changed forever. My grief has morphed a little from absolute panic and fear to immense sadness and longing. I cry constantly, even now writing this.  Sleep is a distant memory. I'm still struggling a lot with guilt. Yesterday i was driving my car and found myself actually singing along to a song on the radio. As soon as i realised what i was doing, I stopped. I was so angry with myself. How could i sing when my partner is dead!

I want nothing more than to feel he is still with me but I cant feel anything. Maybe we are too lost in love and grief. 

This site is a true blessing. I've had some wonderful advice in my darkest hours and coming on here will help you to know you are not alone or going crazy. I'm still not at the point where i cant talk about him without breaking down so coming on here lets me 'talk' in a different way. It helps. There are others who are further along in their grief. They say although the sadness will never leave us, we learn to live along side it. 

 

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Lost,

You and I are both at about the same mark in this nightmare. I lost my husband in July 2016 and I've been coming to this site since September. I don't post much since I have no words to comfort or help anyone. I no longer cry uncontrollably every day because the unbearable sadness has been replaced with defeat. My husband and I had no children so when he left me, it was just me and our 2 dogs. I exist only for them and my elderly mother. When they are gone, I will have no reason to continue with this miserable life. But until then, I'm stuck here. I often find myself hoping I die just as suddenly and unexpectedly as my husband did.

I find myself envying the people here who feel the presence of their loved one. I feel nothing! I don't feel like he's watching over me. If anything, I feel like he's punishing me. Deep down though I know it's just me punishing myself. 

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone with how you feel. There are many people on this site that have a way with words and I hope you will be able find comfort in them. Good luck 

Sandy

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Nobody1---I am so sorry. My husband passed of sudden cardiac arrest also. I have a dog and cat. Without them to sustain me and bring me comfort, I don't know where I would be now. I don't have anyone else in my life neither. Everyone has moved on, including the adult children my husband and I have from previous relationships.

This forum brings me the most comfort that I can find. We are all friends here, giving and sharing. I am thankful for everyone here.

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2 hours ago, Nobody1 said:

Lost,

You and I are both at about the same mark in this nightmare. I lost my husband in July 2016 and I've been coming to this site since September. I don't post much since I have no words to comfort or help anyone. I no longer cry uncontrollably every day because the unbearable sadness has been replaced with defeat. My husband and I had no children so when he left me, it was just me and our 2 dogs. I exist only for them and my elderly mother. When they are gone, I will have no reason to continue with this miserable life. But until then, I'm stuck here. I often find myself hoping I die just as suddenly and unexpectedly as my husband did.

I find myself envying the people here who feel the presence of their loved one. I feel nothing! I don't feel like he's watching over me. If anything, I feel like he's punishing me. Deep down though I know it's just me punishing myself. 

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone with how you feel. There are many people on this site that have a way with words and I hope you will be able find comfort in them. Good luck 

Sandy

Hello Sandy 

I don't often post on this site as I have a regular online community that's based in the UK although I have received some lovely words of encouragement from some of the very friendly and helpful people here.  Like yourself I do not post often as I don't have much positive to say.  You struck a chord when you say you feel "defeated".  So do I.  I often use the term "beaten" but its just the same.  We had no children either.  I don't feel my Husband's prescence and wish I did. I do dream of him but mainly  they were of him being ill. I try to keep the connection in a tangible way by keeping a diary and I talk to him everyday.  I am still traumatized really by my circumstances, I have a feeling of living in limbo like he may be back sometime.  I know this isn't going to happen but I can't stop my soul from feeling so.  Please look after yourself.  Tina.

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56 minutes ago, KMB said:

Nobody1---I am so sorry. My husband passed of sudden cardiac arrest also. I have a dog and cat. Without them to sustain me and bring me comfort, I don't know where I would be now. I don't have anyone else in my life neither. Everyone has moved on, including the adult children my husband and I have from previous relationships.

This forum brings me the most comfort that I can find. We are all friends here, giving and sharing. I am thankful for everyone here.

KMB, I've read all your posts since the day you found your way to this site. I know that the past week or so has been difficult for you. I hope you know how much you have helped the people here, myself included. You are always quick to respond when someone needs to know they are not alone. I have no doubt your husband would be extremely proud of you. I do hope feel better. 

Sandy

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18 hours ago, Lost0404 said:

I thought I had finally found the man I was going to grow old with. We were together all the time unless we were at work. I hate being here with out him. I don't know how to live without him nor do I want to. I have to sell my house, camper, and car.

This is my story too except I didn't sell my place but it's been rough hanging on to it...after he died I lost my job...and again and again.

18 hours ago, Lost0404 said:

I feel like I'm erasing my life with him. I will only have pictures and my memories. I want him back so bad. I didn't get to say goodbye to him.

I felt the same way...we were married 3 years 8 months and I felt like we just put our lives together only to have to undo it. :(  I also didn't get to say goodbye because they threw me out and locked the door when they were working on his heart...and then they lost him.

18 hours ago, Lost0404 said:

People always say they feel their loved ones are still with them. Well I feel like my Tom died and is not with me. Everyone tells me that I should cherish the time I spent with him. I can't it just makes me miss him more.

In the earlier part of our grief thoughts of them bring us immense pain, it's much later that it turns to comfort or brings a smile as we recall our memories with them.  It will come, but it'll be later on.

18 hours ago, Lost0404 said:

Does he think I left him?  I wish I knew those were his last moments, I would have stayed by his side.

I've wondered the same thing but the truth is he was probably focused on transitioning, that has to be a huge adjustment for them...that and the pain they were getting through.  I don't think they thought we deserted them, after all, they knew we were always there for each other and loved each other more than life.
 

 

18 hours ago, Lost0404 said:

They say things happen for a reason, than what's the reason.

I don't ascribe to that.  I think people look for reasons where there aren't any or perhaps over-analyze when truly there isn't an answer.  Things happen.  Things we have no control over.  I don't go for the "it was God's will" bit either!  We have choices over how we eat, how we live, if God willed us to die at a particular moment then it wouldn't matter how we lived or ate or if we exercised, it wouldn't affect the outcome!  But the truth is we're free agents.  However, stuff happens, stuff we don't have control over as well as some we do.

18 hours ago, Lost0404 said:

When will it start to be better?

No one can tell you when because we're all different.  Some things that affect that timeline have to do with the effort we put into our grief journey, things like seeing a Grief Counselor, letting ourselves feel the pain, cry the tears, work on focusing on what good there still is in life no matter how small, no one can do it for you, and we all travel at a different speed and handle things differently.  But it WILL start to be better someday.  I felt it was the end of the world when my husband died.  I wanted to drive my car 120 mph into a tree.  I'm glad I didn't.  We have to give ourselves time to process this, and hope and have faith that it won't always be this way.  Yes we will continue to miss them the rest of our lives but I've learned to coexist with my grief, it has changed me, yet there is also still some good in life.  Could I see that in the beginning?  Hell no!

 

18 hours ago, Lost0404 said:

Please, if anyone has any suggestions on how to go on please tell me. 

Take one day at a time, no more.  Take care of yourself, eat healthy, drink water, take walks, it all helps us survive this as optimally as we can.  Be patient and understanding with yourself.  This isn't unlike brain trauma, it takes time to get through, it's not easy, and our brain will develop new paths by which to process and function.  It'll happen.

And don't stay bottled up, vent, cry, scream, let it out.  Write here, it's important to express yourself and know you're heard and understood.

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Nobody1----Thank you for your kind words. It is helpful and comforting to me to try and do the same for others here.

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Lost0404

22 hours ago, Lost0404 said:

He was everything to me. He treated me like a princess. He was my best friend.

I know what you're feeling and am so very sorry for your pain.   Tomorrow will be the 2 month mark that my husband was taken from this earth.  I don't know how I'm gonna make it though tomorrow, but somehow, I must.  I was blessed to have nearly 45 years with this man that was my life. We were both retired and spent our entire lives together.  If you saw one of us, you saw the other.  I'm still here but he is not; So unfair.  Still here to fill all the excruciating pain, the imaginable hurt, and incomprehensible suffering.   I'm still having a difficult time accepting this reality.   We had plans of doing so much together in our retirement years and were looking forward in new anticipation.  All those plans - changed - in one day, one moment.  Changed for the worst!    

Now, when I wake up in the morning, I  don't know how I will make it through the day without him; as I dress and prepare for my day ahead, I wonder how I will go on without him, as the day slowly slips away, I remember how he made me laughed, and I smile without him.   At the of the day, as I prepare for bed, I know in my heart, I could not have gotten through the day without knowing he was with me in spirit.  

Why things happen the way they do, I'll never know and maybe it's not for us to know.  What I do know and hold fast to is my belief in God and his word.  He is the Ultimate Comforter and as my heart is breaking, HE will give me strength.  In Psalm 147:3 states, " He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds'.

I pray you find strength love and peace from the Ultimate Comforter.  

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Francine,

You're so right. I don't know the "whys" and I probably won't, not while I'm here. I do trust and believe that God has this completely in hand. I trust He keeps my wife, He has allowed her to find peace, understanding and she now sees what I cannot. Knowing she has this ultimate perspective and has the joy of being is His presence brings me so much comfort. These aren't things I tell myself to make myself feel better, to delude myself into believing for the sake of inner peace, these are the truths I've come to see and believe. 

You hit home with your comments about planning or looking forward to your retirement years together. My wife and I were still a ways off from retirement, but I had started looking ahead to our "post parenting" life together. As my daughter was now 20, and her independence a coming reality, I was hoping that we would could return to being that "couple" we used to be. I had hoped that as we rediscovered ourselves as husband and wife, that my wife's illnesses would loosen their grip, that she would find some of her health again. I had actually, the same month she passed, found and bought a car that was to be our "date" car. We drove with my daughter, 430 miles to get it, and that was to be the only time she rode in that car. I looked for about 2 years for this particular car, and after I found it, I was a little out off by the asking price. My wife encouraged me to get it, she told me "you better get it. If you wait, you'll miss it and you'll be looking for another year." So we did. Needless to say, I'm not getting rid of it. Ever. But now? It was OUR car, part of OUR future. I haven't figured out why she encouraged me to get it, but then about three weeks later she was gone. Why? I drive it sparingly, but when I do, I have my best girl with me. In your words, the plans changed for the worst. Now I have no plans. 

You're at the two month mark and I'm so sorry for all of your pain, the continuing sorrow that you feel, and I hope you find that each day gets a little better. I really hope it does, because honestly, I'm just entering the second month, and I need to hear that something gets better. 

Francine, thank you and hope you have a peaceful night/day. Bless you

Andy

 

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10 hours ago, Andy said:

You're so right. I don't know the "whys" and I probably won't, not while I'm here. I do trust and believe that God has this completely in hand. I trust He keeps my wife, He has allowed her to find peace, understanding and she now sees what I cannot. Knowing she has this ultimate perspective and has the joy of being is His presence brings me so much comfort. These aren't things I tell myself to make myself feel better, to delude myself into believing for the sake of inner peace, these are the truths I've come to see and believe. 

This is great comfort to me also.  I haven't seen any answers to the "why" but I guess I don't need any, I only need to know the "what now" and that took me years to figure out how to do.  I'm sure some catch on a lot faster than I did.  But one day at a time has helped me a lot.

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Andy,

Thanks for the kind words.  As much as it hurts, it's also comforting to know our love ones' spirits are with the Almighty.   Once we know that, we understand that there is no death, no end, only transformation.  Our loved ones now exists in a new time,  a new place, a new reality.  The relationship as we knew it has been transformed from the physical to the spiritual.   Wow!  Now that's amazing. 

God is still on the throne and in control of our lives.  Proverbs 16:9  states, "In their hearts, humans plan their course, but the Lord determine their steps". and Ecclesiastes 3:11 states, "He has made everything beautiful in its time; He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom  what God has done from beginning to end".

My prayer is for us all to know we are loved and not alone in this difficult time.  Not only can we comfort one another, we have the Ultimate Comforter to turn to.

Gods Blessing to all!

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Francine and KayC,

Bless you both. Last night was a terrible time. When I'm at my lowest, I know it isn't I who carries me through. I took the day off from work, I think I'm going to go find some back road, haul my camera out, go find something to "shoot". 

I can't thank either of you enough for your kindness. Both of your loved ones were so very blessed to have you. I imagine that you brought so much joy and love to them. 

Andy

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Andy,

Thanks for the kind words. My husband and I brought love and comfort to one another as I believe KayC and her husband did as well as you and your wife.  I believe when you genuinely love someone, nothing can separate that love - not even death.   When I think of the love my husband and I shared, I suddenly experience a "warm" "pleasant" "amazing" feeling that I don't ever want not to feel.  It soothes and comforts me and I hope it does the same for you.

12 hours ago, Andy said:

I drive it sparingly, but when I do, I have my best girl with me

Glad you decided to keep the car; she would have like that.  I loved your analogy of having your "best girl" with you when you drive.  I believe her spirit is just as happy to be with her "best guy" - you.

God Bless and keep you strong!

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Thank you Francine. It does indeed comfort me when I think of Tracie. My best girl, always. 

Bless you, for being "you". 

Andy 

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2 hours ago, KayC said:

This is great comfort to me also.  I haven't seen any answers to the "why" but I guess I don't need any, I only need to know the "what now" and that took me years to figure out how to do.  I'm sure some catch on a lot faster than I did.  But one day at a time has helped me a lot.

KayC,

This is how I believe things "work"  Of course, this isn't a realization or a desperate need that I'm reaching for now that my wife has passed, this was my understanding prior to that. I think it helps if you already have some sort of foundation to begin with, but I also know that people can find "belief" after a loss, and people can have their faith tested, shaken, or even lost after such tradgedy and heartache. I'm thankful that I had my beliefs, and that they have been reaffirmed in the wake of this sad affair. I desperately hope that those who walk in this dark place have faith or find it. I feel alone as it is, I couldn't imagine the void without my beliefs and my faith. I'll never try and convince anyone of what I believe, I'll never assume that my "truth" is the only "truth". I'd be a rather arrogant fool to believe that only I have all the answers, but If someone reading my thoughts or anyone's thoughts about such things comes closer to finding their "truth", closer to the divine, then that'll be enough. Comfort, peace, acceptance and living are what each of are striving for. We don't want to be in perpetual sorrow, stuck in this never ending sadness, never to find happiness again. I know I don't, I know I won't last very long if this is the rest of my life. And the thing that'll ultimately get me to that next stage is my belief and my faith that God has things well in hand. Do I like this? No! I hate it, I hate not having her here, and it's not a secret, but I TRUST Him, that this will unfold into something much more grand and wondersous than I could possibly imagine. 

Thank you KayC, be safe and hugs,

Andy 

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Hi everyone.  I'm another 'newbie' to this forum.  So glad I found it.  I can relate to so many of your stories and your feelings.  I too share those overwhelming emotions; like nothing I could have ever imagined.  I lost my boyfriend/partner/love of my life unexpectedly on New Year's this year, not too long after midnight.  We were both in our 50s and we miraculously found each other later in life. It took us both this long to finally find true happiness, contentment, peace, and love with each other.  Though we knew each other for a few years, we were a "couple" for only a too -short 15 months.  But the heart does not wear a watch or keep a calendar.  The best 15 months of our lives. I am comforted by the fact that he died at a point in his life when he was finally happy and at peace.  I am so grateful for the time we had together; he brought so much to my life.  From the moment this happened, I have been determined to not fall into that 'black hole', but to live a happy, full life, somehow, even without him here with me.  I don't know how in the world I will ever do that, but I promise I will.  I too am going through all of the crazy emotions, changing every minute.  The overwhelming feeling today is just that I miss him so much.  I still think I am in the shock phase as I still really can't wrap my head around the fact that I will never see him again.  It does really help to know there are so many of us out there that are going through the same thing.  We will all survive this, somehow.  Yes, one day at a time.

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HHFaith,  So sorry for your loss. Something led you to this forum, I hope it will be your saving grace, as it has become mine. It is so hard dealing with loss, isn't it?  It was so fortunate for you and your partner to find each other, to share time , love, happiness and contentment. I feel you were brought into his life for him to experience all that before he was called to Heaven. God blessed you both.

Take care of yourself the best you can. Go with your emotions and let them be expressed. We are here for you. You don't need to go through your pain alone. Do you have support from family and friends? Just having someone there to listen can be comforting. My prayers are with you.

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HHFaith

I am so sorry for your loss; today marks the 2nd month since my husband of nearly 45 years made his transition and I'm still can't quite believe this is reality.  It's almost as if I'm still dreaming.  So far, it has been an OK day but I don't know how it will end.  

3 hours ago, HHFaith said:

The best 15 months of our lives. I am comforted by the fact that he died at a point in his life when he was finally happy and at peace.  I am so grateful for the time we had together; he brought so much to my life.

I'm so glad you met the man of your dreams.  While your time together may have been short, you loved a lifetime.  You said he was happy; that is so important, - We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.  You both had each other. 

I hope you continue to visit this website.  It is filled with amazing persons who are not afraid to share their stories while providing you with comforting words and encouragement.  We're all going through this grief journey together and it's always good to know you are not alone.   Keep strong, you'll be OK.

God Bless and keep you safe by surrounding you with his Love, Strength, and inner Peace. 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Francine said:

HHFaith

I am so sorry for your loss; today marks the 2nd month since my husband of nearly 45 years made his transition and I'm still can't quite believe this is reality.  It's almost as if I'm still dreaming.  So far, it has been an OK day but I don't know how it will end.  

I'm so glad you met the man of your dreams.  While your time together may have been short, you loved a lifetime.  You said he was happy; that is so important, - We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.  You both had each other. 

I hope you continue to visit this website.  It is filled with amazing persons who are not afraid to share their stories while providing you with comforting words and encouragement.  We're all going through this grief journey together and it's always good to know you are not alone.   Keep strong, you'll be OK.

God Bless and keep you safe by surrounding you with his Love, Strength, and inner Peace. 

 

 

Francine,

"recognizing and appreciating what we do have". Amen. So overlooked and undervalued in a world of "I must have the latest, greatest, and now!", how true this is. It's far better to realize this before "I didn't know what I had now that it's gone" realization hits us. 

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5 hours ago, HHFaith said:

Hi everyone.  I'm another 'newbie' to this forum.  So glad I found it.  I can relate to so many of your stories and your feelings.  I too share those overwhelming emotions; like nothing I could have ever imagined.  I lost my boyfriend/partner/love of my life unexpectedly on New Year's this year, not too long after midnight.  We were both in our 50s and we miraculously found each other later in life. It took us both this long to finally find true happiness, contentment, peace, and love with each other.  Though we knew each other for a few years, we were a "couple" for only a too -short 15 months.  But the heart does not wear a watch or keep a calendar.  The best 15 months of our lives. I am comforted by the fact that he died at a point in his life when he was finally happy and at peace.  I am so grateful for the time we had together; he brought so much to my life.  From the moment this happened, I have been determined to not fall into that 'black hole', but to live a happy, full life, somehow, even without him here with me.  I don't know how in the world I will ever do that, but I promise I will.  I too am going through all of the crazy emotions, changing every minute.  The overwhelming feeling today is just that I miss him so much.  I still think I am in the shock phase as I still really can't wrap my head around the fact that I will never see him again.  It does really help to know there are so many of us out there that are going through the same thing.  We will all survive this, somehow.  Yes, one day at a time.

HHFaith, 

I'm sorry this loss and I'm sorry for what lies ahead. With the love that I think everyone here has experienced, time is irrelevant. What we feel is what we feel, our loss is our loss. 

I hope and pray you find peace and comfort in the coming days, I'm about 5 weeks into this valley and it's a dark, lonely place. May God, family, friends and hopefully the wonderful people here give you strength to do what must be done. 

Bless you and take care

Andy

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On 2/6/2017 at 8:17 AM, Andy said:

Last night was a terrible time. When I'm at my lowest, I know it isn't I who carries me through.

It's true.  It reminds me of this:
 

footprints.jpg

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21 hours ago, HHFaith said:

Hi everyone.  I'm another 'newbie' to this forum.  So glad I found it.  I can relate to so many of your stories and your feelings.  I too share those overwhelming emotions; like nothing I could have ever imagined.  I lost my boyfriend/partner/love of my life unexpectedly on New Year's this year, not too long after midnight.  We were both in our 50s and we miraculously found each other later in life. It took us both this long to finally find true happiness, contentment, peace, and love with each other.  Though we knew each other for a few years, we were a "couple" for only a too -short 15 months.  But the heart does not wear a watch or keep a calendar.  The best 15 months of our lives. I am comforted by the fact that he died at a point in his life when he was finally happy and at peace.  I am so grateful for the time we had together; he brought so much to my life.  From the moment this happened, I have been determined to not fall into that 'black hole', but to live a happy, full life, somehow, even without him here with me.  I don't know how in the world I will ever do that, but I promise I will.  I too am going through all of the crazy emotions, changing every minute.  The overwhelming feeling today is just that I miss him so much.  I still think I am in the shock phase as I still really can't wrap my head around the fact that I will never see him again.  It does really help to know there are so many of us out there that are going through the same thing.  We will all survive this, somehow.  Yes, one day at a time.

Hi, HHFaith, welcome to this site.  I'm glad you found it too, I hope you'll post whenever you want to.  It helps to know there are others that understand what you're going through.

I am sorry for your loss, it is the hardest thing we'll ever go through.  My George and I met in our mid 40s, like you it took us a lifetime to find each other, but we were so happy, so in love!  Had he lived another 50 years we would have still been on our honeymoon.  He died just after his 51st birthday.  You are right, the heart does not keep calendar...it is the quality not the quantity that makes the relationship what it is, but oh how I wish we could have had both!

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On 2/5/2017 at 8:40 AM, Nobody1 said:

Lost,

You and I are both at about the same mark in this nightmare. I lost my husband in July 2016 and I've been coming to this site since September. I don't post much since I have no words to comfort or help anyone. I no longer cry uncontrollably every day because the unbearable sadness has been replaced with defeat. My husband and I had no children so when he left me, it was just me and our 2 dogs. I exist only for them and my elderly mother. When they are gone, I will have no reason to continue with this miserable life. But until then, I'm stuck here. I often find myself hoping I die just as suddenly and unexpectedly as my husband did.

I find myself envying the people here who feel the presence of their loved one. I feel nothing! I don't feel like he's watching over me. If anything, I feel like he's punishing me. Deep down though I know it's just me punishing myself. 

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone with how you feel. There are many people on this site that have a way with words and I hope you will be able find comfort in them. Good luck 

Sandy

Nobody1

I'm so sorry for your loss. I also have 2 dogs. One of them is a Bernice mountain dog. He was my Tom's baby. For awhile after he died my dog would get up around the time he came home from work and look out the window and cry for 5 minutes.  Now he only does if he here's a diesel truck.  Tom and I didn't have any children together.  But I often wish we did as I still would have a piece of him with me. My prayers are with you and I hope one day soon we will feel our loved ones with us just as others say they do.

 

 

 

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45 minutes ago, Lost0404 said:

Tom and I didn't have any children together.  But I often wish we did as I still would have a piece of him with me. 

 

 

 

Lost, I completely agree. I so wish that we had been able to have a child so that I could have a part of him with me now. I am also in the same boat as you regarding a full time job and most likely selling our home. I already sold my car. I kept my husband's car since I couldn't bring myself to sell it.

I only really had one true friend but I don't think she can handle the situation as she has never lost anyone close to her. And since she and my husband were also friends, I think just being around me is uncomfortable for her. I am always here if ever you need to talk or vent or just feel less alone.

Sandy

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Yes, I truly "recognized and appreciated" what we had.  I would often tell him how grateful I was to have him in my life.  And he would say, "We're so lucky".  We certainly were!  Just finished my daily crying and feeling a bit better.  Focusing on what we had and not on what I won't have in the future (that's where my anxiety kicks in) does help a bit.  Some people are not lucky enough to ever find that peace, love, and happiness in their entire lifetime.  Though it took me until age 52 to find that, and him, it was worth the wait.  I started attending a grief group last night.  It's helpful to share with others who can really relate to the feelings.  Though everyone's stories are a bit different, the feelings are the same.  

Francine, thank you for your words of 'keeping safe by surrounding you with his Love, Strength, and Inner Peace'.  That is exactly what I needed to hear!

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HHFaith---It is so hard to stay focused on what we have. We are consumed with our loss, what can never be again, that we *forget* temporarily what our loved ones gave us while they were here. We need to use those gifts of love, gratefulness and incorporate them into a different life somehow. This is the hardest journey we are going to be on the rest of our lives. We all will rely on each other here and continue on. Prayers and comfort to you.

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4 hours ago, HHFaith said:

Yes, I truly "recognized and appreciated" what we had.  I would often tell him how grateful I was to have him in my life.  And he would say, "We're so lucky".  We certainly were!  Just finished my daily crying and feeling a bit better.  Focusing on what we had and not on what I won't have in the future (that's where my anxiety kicks in) does help a bit.  Some people are not lucky enough to ever find that peace, love, and happiness in their entire lifetime.  Though it took me until age 52 to find that, and him, it was worth the wait.  I started attending a grief group last night.  It's helpful to share with others who can really relate to the feelings.  Though everyone's stories are a bit different, the feelings are the same.  

Francine, thank you for your words of 'keeping safe by surrounding you with his Love, Strength, and Inner Peace'.  That is exactly what I needed to hear!

That is so true. That's exactly what I do. I hate that my Tom is gone and I constantly think of our lives together and how I'll never have that again. I'm sure it's not very healthy to do that. Tom and I also used to say how lucky we were to of found each other. The song that we danced to at our wedding was, The broken road that led me to you, by rascal flats. If you haven't heard that one then you should listen to it. We felt like that's exactly what happened and in that instance we were glad we traveled the road we did to get to each other. 

I guess that's the hardest part. To start a new life with out our loved ones. We loved our lives together and it was comfortable, constant and familiar.  The unknown is always scary. Especially if your traveling it kicking, screaming and wishing you had your old life back 

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HHFaith, 

21 hours ago, HHFaith said:

Focusing on what we had and not on what I won't have in the future (that's where my anxiety kicks in) does help a bit.

This is good, it's when we think too far ahead that it invites anxiety, mine doesn't need much prodding to go full bore!  When that starts to happen I try to bring my thoughts captive and resume back in the present moment, it helps.

Your relationship sounds like ours, we too were so lucky to have had each other, such a perfect love!  Some people never have that.

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