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Feel like I can't get through today


Heart, beat again

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Heart, beat again

Tonight I just can't believe that this happened... how can it be real.... it has been a month today and I just can't believe it is real... how can it be... I just don't know how it will ever be ok..... anyone think that counseling helps or know of something that may.. I'm tired of bugging my friends with talking about it.. buT I cannot function. I feel like a zombie.. don't know how I will ever get through this.

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Heart,

I know exactly how you feel. It's not even been a whole week for me and I feel exactly as you do. 

Sometimes counseling does help, but I don't know if it actually can help everyone. For me, I mean, of course I know I should keep living my life, I know I should keep getting out there and seeing friends and hanging out with people and trying as best I possibly can to have a good life, but it just all feels so empty and meaningless and bland without her in it.

I don't want to say all the cliche things like "It'll get better", "Time heals all wounds", or whatever. I mean, it will get better, but I fully understand that's all but impossible to see in the beginning.

I also feel as you do, that I'm already annoying my friends just talking about the same thing over and over. Some of these friends are people I honestly "didn't have much time for" when she was here, because I was focusing so much energy on her. So now I feel even worse, like "oh, she's gone, now i want to see you again, oh and we'll be talking about how sad I am 95% of the time."

I can't offer you any words to take the pain away, any more than you could offer them to me, but what I can offer is my virtual friendship. Does this board do PMs? Feel free to write your story in all its glory to me, and I'll read every letter of it. I have a thread as well, my girlfriend passed away at age 22, so you'll see it near the top. Today was especially tough because today was her wake and I saw her body in the open casket....... 

I also can't imagine having to live an entire lifetime without her. I can't imagine going my entire life never seeing her again, never talking to her again, never spending time with her again. I don't know myself how I'll get through...

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Heart,

Tomorrow will make one month since my boyfriend left me alone in this cruel world with a 6 month old baby. I ask myself "why is this happening" all day. No one deserves this heartache. I'm sorry we have to go thru this. I am still waiting for that "time" that is suppose to heal all wounds or whatever. Seems like the more time that goes by, the harder it gets. I pray that God show me the way because I don't think I'm going to make it. My son is my only reason right now and I can't even look at him. God Bless us all!  

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I can only imagine the difference in grieving when a child is involved. In some ways, the child can bring you some comfort - your beloved lives on, literally, within that person. 

My girlfriend had a dog, and I'm still waiting to hear from her family if they'd let me have her. It's not the same as a child, but her dog loves me, and I know she would want me to be the one to watch after her for the rest of her life.

 

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Fzald,

You are right! I find some comfort in my son sometimes. However, it hurts to know that he will never know his dad. I see so much of my boyfriend in my son, it's scary. But I am glad to always have a piece of him. 

I hope that your girlfriend's family will let you care for her dog. It may bring you comfort and peace knowing that you are caring for something you both loved. Hang in there.

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Time cannot heal all wounds. This is not like any other wound. It's not like a breakup, that you find another person again or maybe the same person, it's not like being bankrup, that you become rich again with time.. This loss will always be left unhealed for us. Maybe we learn to live with it some day, but the emptiness in our lives will always be there. 

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I agree. When I was going through a rough breakup, everyone told me that sentiment. Time heals all wounds.

this is not a wound. A wound would make things easy. This is like an amputation. A huge part of me has been ripped away without any warning. The very foundation my life was resting on just crumbled away. 

I don't feel like any amount of time will heal this. I feel like the rest of my life will now include some level of grieving for her...

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Heart, beat again

B7176

I am so sorry, having kids involved is so difficult. If it weren't for my 3 kids constantly here and pushing me to get up and do things for them I would probably crawl in a hole and never emerge. So as hard as it is to have that baby there they are a blessing too. Motivation to not give up, to keep fighting, move forward with your life. I pray for you to get some peace and comfort in this horrible and trying time.

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Heart, beat again

I think we will all have some sort of grieving for our other half forever. And time may make it easier but never be the same person we were. I feel like it will never be ok. To feel a love and connection so deep and then.... they're just..... gone... 

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Grieving our loss of our partner does change us. It makes us more humble, giving, compassionate. It changes our life. We are forced to develop a different one which takes time.

fzald, you mention it is like an amputation. In a way, it is. But, we will learn to adapt to our loss.

B7176 and Heart--- You have children that need you. They will be your biggest motivators to coping with your loss and continuing on.

Prayers and hugs to you all.

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14 hours ago, fzald said:

I also can't imagine having to live an entire lifetime without her.

None of us can, that's why we take a day at a time and try not to look too far ahead.  In the beginning nothing we do seems to feel like it matters but it is good to spend time with family or friends and not hole up all the time, even though we won't always feel like it.

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22 hours ago, Heart, beat again said:

Tonight I just can't believe that this happened... how can it be real.... it has been a month today and I just can't believe it is real... how can it be... I just don't know how it will ever be ok..... anyone think that counseling helps or know of something that may.. I'm tired of bugging my friends with talking about it.. buT I cannot function. I feel like a zombie.. don't know how I will ever get through this.

Heart, 

I'm so sorry for the agony you've just begun to go through. The 31st of this past January made one month for me. This "wound", this absence, it won't go away. The passage of time will indeed ease the "sting", make the day to day living more bearable, but with time there'll be new pain. Things not thought of will reveal themselves, something will occur to you and you'll be swept up in a tide of sorrow. I'm telling you this not to dishearten you, to make you think there isn't hope, there is, but the truth, in its ugly, terrible light, will be better dealt with if you have even the slightest notion of what's coming. We all heal differently, on different timetables, in different ways. The way we learn to accept this cruel reality is also based on various factors. There are a few things that I'd like to suggest that might be a little more "universal". First, you aren't alone. The people here are beautiful, warm, kind and generous, all here because of this shared sorrow. The fact that so many people are willing to relive their loss just to help others is simply amazing. Secondly, you will not "get over it". It will be part of you forever, anyone you love, especially so intimately, will leave part of themselves with you. The hurt, the despair is a testament to how much you loved them, so expecting that to just "go away", one day, isn't realistic. I don't want to lose the feeling of my loss. The agony? Yes, absolutely, but not the bitter sweet reminders of our life. Never. Third, be mindful of how you feel. Take care of yourself, this is most important. Eating, getting plenty of water, reaching out to others, these things keep us focused and much better able to deal with this new world. Not letting depression sneak up on you and take hold is VERY crucial. It's insidious and causes incredible damage. If you think you need the help of a professional, then seek it out. It's what they're there for, they can help. 

I love my wife. I will always love her. We had 27 years, 24 + of marriage, ups and downs, a beautiful daughter, some adventures, some grief, but through it all, we remained by each other's side. I'll miss her until I take my last breath. I can't bring my daughters mom back, I live alone in an empty house now, and I don't have much of any idea what tomorrow holds. I do know this, we are still here, we still are among the living, and that means something. Each of us has to figure out what that "something" is, but we will. My wife was a fighter, so I'm going to fight. She's  counting on it. 

I pray for your peace, I hope you find rest and comfort, and may God keep you safe. 

Andy

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Heart, beat again

Thank you everyone. Today was a new day and it was mostly good. I can look at his pictures and smile now most the time without bawling so progress. I love and miss him so very much!!! ♡♡♡

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3 hours ago, Heart, beat again said:

Thank you everyone. Today was a new day and it was mostly good. I can look at his pictures and smile now most the time without bawling so progress. I love and miss him so very much!!! ♡♡♡

I am happy things are getting easy for you. 

Hugs to you. 

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3 hours ago, Andy said:

 I do know this, we are still here, we still are among the living, and that means something. Each of us has to figure out what that "something" is, but we will. My wife was a fighter, so I'm going to fight. She's  counting on it. 

 

So true Andy! 

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12 minutes ago, Sadaf Nazim said:

So true Andy! 

Sadaf, thank you for believing so. I hope you're doing well. 

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24 minutes ago, Andy said:

Sadaf, thank you for believing so. I hope you're doing well. 

I am doing well Andy. Thank you for your concern. It means a lot to me. I have my moments of despair and panic attacks, but most of the time I am fine. 

As you said, Our lives means something. I am trying to figure out what that something for me is. I believe everyone has a purpose on this world. When we start to focus on that purpose, and concentrate on something bigger than us, then our pain becomes easy to handle. Dealing with this grief is different for everyone, for me it is this. I try to focus on others pain and their suffering. I remind myself that maybe I was not born to live my life happily and fulfill all my wishes. Maybe I was born for a bigger purpose. Hopefully, I fulfill that purpose one day.

This world will be empty of all human beings one day. You, me, all of us are going to die just like your darling wife and my sweetheart. It's just a matter of time. Might as well, we use that time for something good.

 

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21 hours ago, Heart, beat again said:

I just don't know how it will ever be ok.

I know you probably don't want to hear it again but it will be OK; it has to be.  Know you'll always have those sweet memories of your fiance who encouraged you when you needed it, supported you when times were rough, and loved you just as you are.  Give thanks for what you shared and the influence he had on you and the world.  We all must live in this world, but our faith tells us there is another place that is free from pain, hurt and suffering; believe that is where he is.  I know it hurts like all hell but our Lord and Savior will strengthen you.  In Isaiah 40-29, it states, "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power to the weak".  I  pray you find that strength and inner peace.  God Bless!

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16 hours ago, Andy said:

Heart, 

I'm so sorry for the agony you've just begun to go through. The 31st of this past January made one month for me. This "wound", this absence, it won't go away. The passage of time will indeed ease the "sting", make the day to day living more bearable, but with time there'll be new pain. Things not thought of will reveal themselves, something will occur to you and you'll be swept up in a tide of sorrow. I'm telling you this not to dishearten you, to make you think there isn't hope, there is, but the truth, in its ugly, terrible light, will be better dealt with if you have even the slightest notion of what's coming. We all heal differently, on different timetables, in different ways. The way we learn to accept this cruel reality is also based on various factors. There are a few things that I'd like to suggest that might be a little more "universal". First, you aren't alone. The people here are beautiful, warm, kind and generous, all here because of this shared sorrow. The fact that so many people are willing to relive their loss just to help others is simply amazing. Secondly, you will not "get over it". It will be part of you forever, anyone you love, especially so intimately, will leave part of themselves with you. The hurt, the despair is a testament to how much you loved them, so expecting that to just "go away", one day, isn't realistic. I don't want to lose the feeling of my loss. The agony? Yes, absolutely, but not the bitter sweet reminders of our life. Never. Third, be mindful of how you feel. Take care of yourself, this is most important. Eating, getting plenty of water, reaching out to others, these things keep us focused and much better able to deal with this new world. Not letting depression sneak up on you and take hold is VERY crucial. It's insidious and causes incredible damage. If you think you need the help of a professional, then seek it out. It's what they're there for, they can help. 

I love my wife. I will always love her. We had 27 years, 24 + of marriage, ups and downs, a beautiful daughter, some adventures, some grief, but through it all, we remained by each other's side. I'll miss her until I take my last breath. I can't bring my daughters mom back, I live alone in an empty house now, and I don't have much of any idea what tomorrow holds. I do know this, we are still here, we still are among the living, and that means something. Each of us has to figure out what that "something" is, but we will. My wife was a fighter, so I'm going to fight. She's  counting on it. 

I pray for your peace, I hope you find rest and comfort, and may God keep you safe. 

Andy

Andy

This truly is a heartfelt and touching posting written in your sorrow for people in sorrow.  I once read a passage that said "Death ends a life but not a relationship".  I try my hardest to focus on this but to be truthful it doesn't always provide comfort.  Take care Andy.

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On 04/02/2017 at 2:39 AM, fzald said:

I can only imagine the difference in grieving when a child is involved. In some ways, the child can bring you some comfort - your beloved lives on, literally, within that person. 

My girlfriend had a dog, and I'm still waiting to hear from her family if they'd let me have her. It's not the same as a child, but her dog loves me, and I know she would want me to be the one to watch after her for the rest of her life.

 

Hello fzaid.  I'm so sorry to read about your loss.  I hope you have got the dog with you now.  Dogs are so intuitive where our sorrows are concerned and would talk to us if they could.  Take care and warmest regards.

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13 hours ago, Sadaf Nazim said:

I am doing well Andy. Thank you for your concern. It means a lot to me. I have my moments of despair and panic attacks, but most of the time I am fine. 

As you said, Our lives means something. I am trying to figure out what that something for me is. I believe everyone has a purpose on this world. When we start to focus on that purpose, and concentrate on something bigger than us, then our pain becomes easy to handle. Dealing with this grief is different for everyone, for me it is this. I try to focus on others pain and their suffering. I remind myself that maybe I was not born to live my life happily and fulfill all my wishes. Maybe I was born for a bigger purpose. Hopefully, I fulfill that purpose one day.

This world will be empty of all human beings one day. You, me, all of us are going to die just like your darling wife and my sweetheart. It's just a matter of time. Might as well, we use that time for something good.

 

Big purpose, little purpose, it doesn't matter, all that matters is that we live in a way that matters. Helping your neighbor or bringing world peace, it's fulfilling our duty to honor those that have gone before. I think your willingness to help others, to help them walk this bitter road is an admirable quality, and I'm sure your beloved is most pleased. 

I think you're a beautiful person, that you've embraced the lessons of your sorrow and have chosen to turn that energy into something positive is simply brilliant. 

And I'm happy you're doing well, bravo to you, it does me good to know this. 

Love and peace,

Andy

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1 hour ago, Zara19 said:

Andy

This truly is a heartfelt and touching posting written in your sorrow for people in sorrow.  I once read a passage that said "Death ends a life but not a relationship".  I try my hardest to focus on this but to be truthful it doesn't always provide comfort.  Take care Andy.

Zara19, 

Thank you for finding something of value in my thoughts. The passage you reference, it's very true. I like the notion, I BELIEVE the notion, that love, that rare unconditional, selfless love, strengthened through honesty, compassion, respect and sacrifice is the most powerful energy we'll ever experience. Therefore, LOVE is stronger than death. Death may take away the physical, but it does not have the power to take away the spirit. My love will endure. Death has no victory here. It has dealt me a terrible wound, nearly incomprehensible in its destructive power. But it will not take away what we had/have, what we built, what her legacy will mean. I will find strength from this and death will have to admit it's own defeat. Love transcends this "plane", it carries on, despite our limitations. It's essence, the composition of its energy doesn't just dissipate, it becomes something even more wondrous and eternal. Maybe this sounds like a bunch of wishful thinking or new age rhetoric. I assure you, it isn't. It's how I honestly feel about things. It's how I've come to understand, through some very compelling and moving experiences, that this is indeed a very real state of reality. This of course is my humble opinion, based on my personal journey, and please forgive me for sounding so "sure". I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything, I'm just offering my view in the hope that it may bring you comfort, or just a little peace and reassurance. 

Love IS stronger than death.

Hugs, love and comfort

Andy 

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21 hours ago, Heart, beat again said:

I can look at his pictures and smile now most the time without bawling so progress.

I can't count the time I took his pictures down, put them up, down, up!  Whatever brings you comfort.  I finally left them up and I look up at his pictures often.  I will never stop missing him.

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