Members Heart, beat again Posted February 3, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2017 I lost my fiancé 4 weeks ago. He died of heart attack/failure. He had fell a couple days prior and started having pains in his upper back, arm and hand which he blamed on the fall. I had mentioned it may be his heart and we should get it checked but he talked me out of it saying it was from the fall. I figured he would know his body better than me so let it be. The night before he died he couldn't come to bed due to the back pain but refused to go in. I had a migraine so took some meds and went to bed. He woke me at 3 am saying he might call 911. Being woke from sleep and having a migraine I wasn't quite with it but asked what was going on and if I should bring him in and he said he was going to give it a few more hours. Again he woke me up around 4 am sing he was gonna call 911. A little more alert this time I asked again what was going on and he came and sat on the bed saying he was just gonna lay down, I noticed his cheeks looked bruised and went to check his pulse and he fell back blank eyed and gasping for air. I called 911 and the dispatcher sent the emts and told me to start cpr as by then he stopped breathing too. I blanked and couldn't remember how to do cpr. She started telling me how to do it and the emts arrived. They worked on him as they took him to the hospital and worked on him more for about an hour and a half but couldn't get him back and keep him. About five weeks prior I had lost my mother and was still dealing with and grieving over that so wasn't paying as much attention to him or I would have noticed this coming on. I was supposed to be there for him and I feel like I could have prevented his death had I not been distracted by my mother's sudden death. I don't know how to get over the guilt or move forward... I'm so lost. I have three kids and he had two and I have to be strong for them but I'm falling apart and hollow and empty inside.... he was only 37... just not right Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Knhedges Posted February 3, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2017 It is so much easier said than done, but try not to let the guilt eat you up. I have a lot of problems with guilt as well and if I let myself dwell on them I really believe I would end up in a mental hospital. Try to push those thoughts of guilt out of your mind as soon as they begin to enter. I am so sorry for your loss kids make it even harder... I have two, a 5 year old from a previous marriage and a 2 week old that my love never got to meet.. I hope you are able to find some peace.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Heart, beat again Posted February 3, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2017 I am also sorry for your loss. Yes kids do make it hard. My 3 yr old is the only boy and him and my fiance were the best of buds. He still asks for him all the time and they all say how much they miss him. My 11 yr old woke up to seeing the emts working on him and is having a very hard time with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted February 3, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2017 Heart, beat again---So very sorry for your loss. We are here for you. We listen, you are heard, and we share and give encouragement. You have had a lot to deal with, especially with children involved. Guilt,we all go through it. We feel a huge responsibility for our loss, but it was not in our control. We did the best we could at the time. I am sorry for the loss of your mother also. You are grieving for 2 people who meant the world to you. Just breathe. Sending prayers to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mandipants84 Posted February 3, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2017 Honey I'm so sorry for your loss. The future being ripped away like that is so hard. And the guilt i understand. My fiance died after the flu that i gave him. I talked to him and 2 hours later found him. The call, cpr, emts, all of it. It happened almost 4 weeks ago as well. Being lost is understandable. You get lost in that day and the what ifs but like you said and what i tell myself is that they were grown men. I tried to get mine to go too. We as women can only push so much. We can't make them listen. You couldn't have done anything and hind sight being 20/20 is awful. It is not your fault. Not at all. I've had to suppress the last 24 hour we spent or I'd go crazy but it's hard. There is no blame and i know that's easier said but inside my brain i have rational me fighting with emotional me and you may have the same but think about it. If you could've you would've. We all would've changed anything to not feel this. I know there are things i obsess with but i have to make myself stop because i can't go back. I'm the bad with words but I'm there with you. Mine was 34. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Heart, beat again Posted February 3, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2017 Thank you all. I'm so glad I happened across this site today. I was talking to my angel Ben and Googled how to get past losing my fiance and found this. I hate that we are all going through this pain but I am thankful that we now have each other to help us get through it. Hugs to all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Heart, beat again Posted February 3, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2017 There is a song "tell your heart to beat again" by Danny gokey I recommend listening to it. ♡♡♡ He wrote this song after his wife died. I listen to it a lot. I hope it brings you a little peace when listening to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sadaf Nazim Posted February 3, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2017 Heart beat again I am so sorry for your loss. I know it doesn't help but I truly am. This is the worst thing that can ever happen to anyone. My heart tears apart when a new member joins this forum. I lost my fiance this November to an accident when he was 24. We were made for each other couple in every way. We was and still is an inseparable part of me. I am 23 now. I have known him from 14 years, loved him for 8. Three years back he proposed me to marriage, but somehow it got postponed till 2017. But he never got to see 2017. My sweetheart was my whole existence. I never imagined I could survive even his separation ever, let alone death. But I am doing it, I don't know how. We all will do this together. Little by little. I am sorry for babbling. Just having a bad day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Heart, beat again Posted February 3, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2017 I know what you mean. My fiance and I were friends for 14 yrs too talking once in a while but were living seperate lives but just reconnected this summer and it truely was amazing and magical. God brought us together and it was meant to be. We knew right away we would be married and we're each other's soul mates. I just don't understand why he was taken away so soon. I mean he was perfect for us and us for him and his girls. Just went together so well... now I just don't know what to do. I'm so sorry for your loss as well heart breaking.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sadaf Nazim Posted February 3, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2017 Heart beat again I too don't know what to do. But we will get there together. This loss has ripped from us our whole past present and future. We can't see any future for ourselves. But I believe things will get better one day. I also believe that what we have lost shall be found one day. We will be reunited again with our loved ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 3, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted February 3, 2017 Heart, I am so sorry for your loss. My husband died of a sudden heart attack, also unexpected, I know what a shock it is, nothing can prepare us for this. Please understand, this is not your fault. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! We wish we could have another scenario and try to rewrite the script but the truth is, this was beyond us, out of our hands. I think we all feel guilt when we lose them, it's our way of wishing there'd been a different ending. I hope this is of some help to you:http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/12/grief-and-burden-of-guilt.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Francine Posted February 3, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2017 This was not any fault of yours; and try not to second guess yourself on what you think you should have done. My husband also died of a heart attack and we were on our way to the clinic. 911 was also called and they too arrived, worked on him for about 1/2 hours before taking him to the hospital where he was pronounced deceased. I couldn't comprehend or receive the words that my husband had died; I'm still finding difficulty believing it. 13 hours ago, Heart, beat again said: I have three kids and he had two and I have to be strong for them but I'm falling apart and hollow and empty inside.... he was only 37... just not right I read once (and believe) that there is no death; there is only transformation. Your loved one now exists in a new time, new place, new reality; from the physical to the spiritual; there is no end; only change. You're right - it's not right - but many things that happen are not. Yes, you will have to be strong for the children; they are going to need you more than ever now. Surround yourself with people who will support you and the children. I hope you continue to visit the website. We're all here for you and one another. I pray God keep you and the children close and give you all the strength needed in this difficult time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Heart, beat again Posted February 3, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2017 Thank you. It has been a rough time. A month ago today he left us. Oh to have one more conversation..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members fzald Posted February 3, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2017 One more conversation... There's a song I remember called "One More Day" by Diamond Rio. The lyrics basically go "One more day, one more time, one more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied, but then again, I know what it would do, leave me wishing still, for One More Day with you." I don't know if it was written as a breakup song, but it definitely is a grieving song. And it speaks to me, because it's true - even if I was granted the amazing gift of just one more day with my girl, it would never satisfy me - I'd only wish for another, and another... Like we were supposed to have. I did appreciate my girlfriend when she was here. But I still feel like I didn't appreciate her enough. Like you, she was complaining of some sickness but I figured she knew herself better than anyone and would go in herself if she truly felt she needed to. Now I wish I'd have made her go in when she was sick. She was only 22. We had our lives ahead of us together. It's true, that a great relationship is the fusing of two lives, the intertwining of two souls for better or for worse, to find that one other human being you actually want to experience the journey of life with together. And once you find that one person, everything you do with them matters. Every moment, every memory, even every fight or stressful moment, it all stands to represent this bond you share. When the bond breaks, you're suddenly left with only half of you. The other person truly does take your spirit with them. I died a lot the day she died. I'm still here physically, but she took my spirit, my happiness with her to the other side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted February 3, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2017 fzald---The bond is still there. The bond of love you two shared is still there. It never goes away, you carry it with you in your heart. I wish I could say other things to help you feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Heart, beat again Posted February 3, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2017 Fzald This is all so true... hopefully time does heal all wounds... but dang the time till it does.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nads Posted February 4, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2017 Heart....the story of how your love passed is quite similar to mine. So sad. So sorry for your loss. So sorry that all of us here have been so cheated. Having a tough evening. Just too down to say much more. I pray for all of us here. God bless us all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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