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is this normal


Mandipants84

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So you guys told me the anxiety is normal.  Thank you all,  it helps. My bfs posing happened in our home and at first i refused to leave.  They had to physically make me.  Now when i come home i think i can do it but every wall, every cabinet, every fiber of carpet seems like it's killing me.  I stay away for a few days,  feel stronger, come back and break again.  Has anyone has similar?  It just happened not even a month ago.  No notice,  no anything.  He got the flu from me and I'm alive. 

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What you are feeling when you come home is perfectly normal. When I come in from being out, I still call out, *I"m home dear*. It hurts to have no answer but habits are hard to break and sometimes it does give me comfort. Virtually everything in the home reminds me of my husband. we walked the same floors, sat on the same furniture, used the same dishes, etc. It's part of the grieving. I do get comfort from being in the security of the home we lived and loved in.

We are dealing with  a roller coaster of emotions. I hope things get easier for you. (HUGS)

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Mandipants, You posted on my thread and your comments were helpful if only in that I know I'm not alone in my suffering. Yes, what you're describing happens to me all the time, and it's only been a few days. My girlfriend worked at the same office I work at, we used to actually sit across from each other. It was wonderful to have someone I was so close to physically close at the same time. We could even reach across the desk and grab hands for a second. We could share our lunches, we could talk any time, and we could be together all day. We loved it.

Now at work I can't think straight. The office put a memorial up on her desk, beautiful flowers and photos, but I can't stop thinking that she herself belongs there. She should be with us, doing her job so amazingly like she always did, laughing with the rest of us in the office, giving me those little gestures of love and happiness throughout the day. When I go to work I feel so weak. I have been staying at a friend's house for a while and when I am there I feel a little stronger because it's not a place that my girlfriend ever visited, but when I go back to work I'm right back where I started. 

I don't have any specific advice to help you through this other than to say keep talking. I'm listening, and I'll keep talking too. Sometimes just knowing someone - anyone - is listening who actually understands makes a big difference. We all can be that for each other on this forum....

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Mandipants

What you described happens to me too. The memories that were once so beautiful starts killing us. But it would become beautiful again with time. This time even more beautiful that ever. And you will love to hold on to the things, touch all of the things that were privileged to be touched by him ever and it would bring you smile. 

I have my sweetheart's so many things, from childhood to now. We didn't live together, but he always used to come to my home. On my terrace he has written 'Nazim Sadaf together forever ' in his beautiful writing. At first I couldn't see it. But now I go there whenever I miss him.It gives me peace now. I plan to make  a museum of his things and pictures in one corner of my home. 

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Thank you all so much.  You were all so helpful.  You're all amazing people that i am so grateful for and wish i had come across under different circumstances for all of us. Thank you

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This place is great - people here really do understand first-hand how you feel.  And there's so much stuff that we go through that is completely normal, but unless someone tells you so sometimes you think the worst, that it's a bad reaction or whatever.

I'm glad you are here and sharing how you feel.  I'm really sorry that we all have come in contact for the reason we have, but I am thankful for everyone here.

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So true.  Everything i think is morbid. And I'm terrified that this is my mind now and honestly it's a scary place.  I am learning how to better control it.  I'm waiting on applications to be able to see a counselor since i don't have insurance.  Really should've done it 3 weeks ago. 

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Some can't handle leaving home and want surrounded by their things, others need to get away and can't handle being with their things and all of the reminders...both are normal grief responses.  Take it in doses, hopefully it'll get better little by little.

It's all part of the grieving...

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